Alligator University announces summer enrollment
It is my pleasure to announce the opening of Alligator University for summer enrollment. Of course we are located in a fine resort location, where one can mix serious studies with recreational activity.
Our Logo
Our primary lecture halls, though we do have others
Competition is fierce, so I encourage early request for admission
Once accepted, you will have access to wonderful instructors. Look at this attentive group of students listening to their professor
A wide variety of subject matter is available as befits a prestigious University such as ours.
Forensic science, or as we call it informally, sleuthing is just one
And we have a course on oratory
We have a podiatry course for those interested in health sciences
There is also a fine school of cosmetology where our students learn how to apply make-up
Our focus is always on learning. Sometimes our students are insufficiently prepared for the curriculum
We do everything in our power to help even the least capable students succeed. To this end, we have established mentorship consisting of one-to-one counseling
For those students with young children, we provide daycare services
Additionally, we offer a Head Start program for the older tykes while parents are learning the advanced courses we are privileged to offer
Athletic activities are essential for building well-rounded students. There are several to choose from. One favorite is golf
For those in search of more vigorous activity, we offer water polo
Of course socialization is an essential part of the University experience and we do not lack for opportunities to do so.
Out of these encounters, sometimes romance blossoms, although of course we don't encourage such things as they distract from studies. Yet such is inevitable
Although limited private housing is available, we encourage students to use our dormitory facilities. These not only provide comfortable sleeping arrangements but also fine beach and water facilities.
It is my hope that this brief introduction will interest some of you. More information and personal tours can be obtained. Please contact me at 1-800-ALL-IG8R. My picture is below
Sincerely yours,
Alligator Ed, Ph.D.
Comments
Good morning Dr. Ed.
Love your alligator themed essay for prospective students. Half way thru, they even got cute.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
Thank you, dkmich
I was hoping that readers would find the brochure instructive.
@Alligator Ed
I was wondering about courses in actually draining that Washington Swamp and making it safe for democracy - does Alligator U offer anti-terrorist training, perhaps something in a 'stop, chomp and roll underwater' technique? Or am I thinking of Crocodile College?
Edited, having seen below that Crocodile U is affiliated.
Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.
A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.
I'm glad you asked, Ellen
We did have an instructor for swamp drainage but he used very unusual techniques, not well-suited for Alligators in actual service. He subsequently left the University, deciding to spend his time more profitably at Trump University, with which we have no connection.
Crocodile College, the undergraduate portion of Crocodile University, may offer a course in swampology but I am not familiar with their curriculum. But I do subscribe to the Stop, Bite, and Roll school of conduct.
@Alligator Ed
Oh, dear, I was hoping to discover a pool of surfacing resources for political carrion removal... however, the other course offerings do sound intriguing. Although I have yet to see intrigue actually listed in the brochure? Are such basic skills as Lurk and Lunge, Floating Log Camo, etc. assumed to be present in applicants? Was a previously viewed photo of the consumption of a (general corporate? loan?) shark that of an Alligator U alumni? Such as these are always useful and heavily-required skills within the political carrion removal area, when well-taught and hungrily applied.
I seem to recall reading a study indicating that Trump University first had to connect with reality prior to forming other connections, so am not surprised to hear of their lack of any with Alligator University, as I gather that both Trumpian hands are intensively employed in first attempting to find the Trumpian ass and seem likely to be so for some time to come, stymieing all other endeavors, until the Trumpian head has finally been successfully pulled out.
Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.
A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.
Those are some mighty fine questions, Ellen
It is assumed that alligators enrolled in AU will have learned camofloat, lurk, and lunge because these are part of elementary school education. So we don't offer remedial education at such a basic level.
As far as the departed Prof. Trump, it seems he could hardly lay his hands on the correct tool to perform a job meaningfully. So it was with no reluctance on our part that we let him go, with the proviso that he not reapply for faculty status.
I am sorry for having omitted an entry about our political science department. Here we see a group of graduate students receiving advice in how to prosper in politics from a selected panel of political lobbyists.
@Alligator Ed
Thanks for the confirmations, particularly regarding the assessment of Prof. Trump as a tool and one of little usefulness, (although worse, available at the time, may certainly have been possible,) increasing my faith in 'Gater U's high standards.
And I see that Wall St. is well-represented among the available advisors. Have you considered the addition of a little BBQ sauce to increase student interest?
Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.
A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.
I'll have think about BBQ sauce. My taste leads to Cajun
@Alligator Ed
Perhaps you could alternate, to accommodate different tastes? The lobbyists are probably fine with Russian dressing of victims other than themselves, but you'd know the students best; it would probably be painful for a 'Gator to have to turn up his nose at anything.
Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.
A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.
Although in general I do prefer haute cuisine
I will NEVER turn my nose up from any yummy morsels. I understand Hillary is well-marinated and would be absolutely delighted to chomp her. Come to my swamp, babe, and we'll have a roll!
@Alligator Ed
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0JsmXJoNcc&list=RDP0JsmXJoNcc#t=70
North Mississippi Allstars - Rollin 'n Tumblin
Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.
A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.
My favorite song!
[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4d_Lg3Uedo]
Alligator love is especially cute
lazy hanging around, big bellies and tender touches ... quite seductive and who doesn't love distraction more than Studies in Alligator Science. And one-to-one counseling would be really essential for me.
I consider applying. Nice Job, Professor Ed.
https://www.euronews.com/live
Pure poetry, mimi
would you consider joining our literature faculty? You could be the campus instructor in poetry.
That's one problem we have: books don't do well in the swamp and most poetry books are unfortunately paper.
Where do I sign Ed?
One problem tho..I don't bite.
I can pay the enrollment just as soon as my settlement money comes back from Trump University.
I sit and wait for the postman every day. I'm SURE it will come real soon now.
I want a Pony!
Don't worry, arrow. scholarships are available
Part of the core curriculum is on proper biting technique. And if you lack the necessary oral equipment, our gentle dental students can help you with that.
As far as Trump university, please remember that the swamp hasn't been drained and many of my relatives will be eager to satisfy your demands should refunds not be forthcoming.
Alligator Frats?
Hazing seems...(more) hazardous.
Compensated Spokes Model for Big Poor.
Love it!
We all need a good chuckle in these crazy times. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from Gators. Oops, did I say that?
Afterall, I am a Seminole, not a Gator. 
Do I hear the sound of guillotines being constructed?
“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." ~ President John F. Kennedy
Don't forget the house band
May I suggest we bring back Jerry Garcia with one of his favorite guitars named Alligator with its signature sticker.
PS I enjoyed the essay and pics.
Donnie The #ShitHole Douchebag. Fake Friend to the Working Class. Real Asshole.
Nice picture which I forgot to post of our dining society
Thanks for finding it.
I'd love to venture down to the water's edge, but I fear
the tuition might just eat up all my resources. Umm, do you like dogs?
"The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me?" ~Orwell, "1984"
Ummm um ummm!
I like the critters! Have you ever been to the gulf coast of Florida? That is the home of the famous 3 legged dog packs.
Yipe, yipe yipe, yipe yipe . . .
"The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me?" ~Orwell, "1984"
Sounds like my kind of place
But I'm not an alligator. Will I still be able to enroll?
I'm great at multi-tasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at the same time.
Yes, indeed, socialprogressive, we have an affiliated school
Crocodile University, located near Key West, is open for enrollment at this time also. And you may qualify. Also, we have an athletic league called Saurian Sports Association, with contests between the two universities .
Great
What's the tuition? Do you offer scholarships or do I have to beg the big banks for a school loan?
I'm great at multi-tasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at the same time.
Tuition? Depends on how much you have.
Alligator National Bank does offer loans at remarkably small rates for this who cannot pay the full tuition. My brother Alphonse Alligator is bank president but I assure you there is no conflict of interest nor kickbacks (we call them "bite-backs"). Submit your financials and Alphonse will see if you qualify.
Can old crocks sign up?
I rather fancy the School of Dentistry.
Gëzuar!!
from a reasonably stable genius.
If you have the proper credentials, you may enroll
However all those medals and knick-knacks with which you are adorned must be eschewed (and chewed) when doing dental work for the the sake of hygiene. Age is not a barrier.
Do you
Accommodate for dyslexia?
Marilyn
"Make dirt, not war." eyo
Marilyn, yes of course!
Many of our students can barely read upon entry but that is not a barrier. We will work with you on reading skills. Of course, you can read underwater, can't you?
What's the out-of-state tuition policy?
I moved away from Fla years ago. Also, should I bring my own gila monster?
Thanks, Ed! This is a fun post.
“We may not be able to change the system, but we can make the system irrelevant in our lives and in the lives of those around us.”—John Beckett
You may bring your gila monster
provided it is house-broken.
Logwarts School of Ditchcraft and Lizardry?
“How would you like to be taught the alligatorin’ trade?“
https://attemptedbloggery.blogspot.com/2013/08/pogo-lessons-in-being-dog...
We at Alligator Univ, undertake enhancement of Alligatorness
We are proud of our Saurian heritage. One of our great instructors, Walt Kelley, had a well-attended class in Alligator self-esteem. Albert is one of his outstanding proteges.
Alligator Ed's School of Law