SpongeBob SquarePants to Star in New Duck and Cover Movie

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Following the impressively brave back and forth between the Dear Leaders of North Korea and Amerika the Great, and the Red Alert announcement by the head of the United Nations warning about nuclear war, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) has announced a presentation to prepare the public and government for surviving a nuclear bomb attack.

“Public Health Response to a Nuclear Detonation”
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
1:00 p.m. – 2:00 p.m. (ET)
Global Communications Center (Building 19)
Alexander D. Langmuir Auditorium
Roybal Campus"

https://www.cdc.gov/cdcgrandrounds/archives/2018/January2018.htm

Not mentioned but rumored to be part of the CDC effort is an updated version of the original Duck and Cover movie issued in 1951 starring Bert the Turtle. Due to his universal appeal, Spongbob SquarePants is said to be in line to star in this new version, with various Hollywood stars, including Morgan Freeman and James Woods in cameos throughout the film.

The CDC's statement, while indicating that a nuclear bomb attack on American soil is "unlikely", focuses on the strategy that "planning and preparation can lessen deaths and illness."

This is just the latest example, along with our unanimously elected President Trump's threats to nuke North Korea, of the lengths the U.S. government will pursue to keep most of the American people from dying in a nuclear holocaust while it's pursues world hegemony.

The American people can be assured they will be just as safe under school desks and dining tables in 2017 as they were in 1951 when Bert the Turtle trained the public to say, "Duck and Cover". SpongeBob SquarePants is the perfect successor to Bert, who sadly succumbed to radiation exposure in 1973.

Let the war begin! Americans will be prepared.

[video:https://youtu.be/IKqXu-5jw60]

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Big Al's picture

Here we are 66 years after Duck and Cover dealing with the same bullshit. And what gets me is the manufacture and use of nuclear weapons is illegal under international law because they cause extreme collateral damage to civilians. There can be no use of a nuke without causing "unnecessary" deaths and damage. The threats by Kim and Trump are actually illegal, they should both be arrested as war criminals right now. But even the U.N. won't touch that, it's complete madness.

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dervish's picture

and lives underwater, he's got a slight advantage there.

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"Obama promised transparency, but Assange is the one who brought it."

earthling1's picture

wants a remake of "Reefer Madness" right away.

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Neither Russia nor China is our enemy.
Neither Iran nor Venezuela are threatening America.
Cuba is a dead horse, stop beating it.

Big Al's picture

@earthling1 Every time I see that guy he seems to get whiter each time.

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riverlover's picture

@Big Al And am now boycotting the elven cookies.

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Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.

@earthling1 It's well worth your time.

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They say that there's a broken light for every heart on Broadway
They say that life's a game and then they take the board away
They give you masks and costumes and an outline of the story
And leave you all to improvise their vicious cabaret-- A. Moore

divineorder's picture

@Johnny Q

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reefer_Madness_(musical)

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A truth of the nuclear age/climate change: we can no longer have endless war and survive on this planet. Oh sh*t.

thanatokephaloides's picture

@earthling1

I heard Sessions wants a remake of "Reefer Madness" right away.

Sessions suffers from the only reefer madness I know of.....

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"US govt/military = bad. Russian govt/military = bad. Any politician wanting power = bad. Anyone wielding power = bad." --Shahryar

"All power corrupts absolutely!" -- thanatokephaloides

Pricknick's picture

"planning and preparation can lessen deaths and illness."

Seeing how there is no such critter as sponge bob or limited nuclear war, I think I'll give a fuck about helping my fellow human.
We (many of us) will be underwater in the next generation so those that are can say "Hi" to bob.
And even a limited nuclear war will give mother earth everything she needs to eradicate all mammals.
Can you say "Global Warming"?
I knew you could.

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Regardless of the path in life I chose, I realize it's always forward, never straight.

earthling1's picture

@Pricknick
but I think it's called a "nuclear winter".
We can argue about then.
Maybe.

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Neither Russia nor China is our enemy.
Neither Iran nor Venezuela are threatening America.
Cuba is a dead horse, stop beating it.

Pricknick's picture

@earthling1
It also wasn't that long ago that more than a few scientist predicted a return of the ice age.
A quickened ice age or warming spells demise.
No time to acclimate or evolve.
With the exception of all of the beautiful creatures besides humans, good riddance.

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Regardless of the path in life I chose, I realize it's always forward, never straight.

Click here for the whole enchilada from democracynow 2003. Imagine the sponge doing Dr. Helen Caldicott's classic "bombing run" speech, that would be good.

Now let’s describe what would happen if there was a nuclear war. Let’s pretend for instance —- -— well, you know when you’re listening to NPR and you hear “oooo” and a very deep male voice says, “We are just testing the emergency broadcasting system”? This time there’d be an announcement, “We are under nuclear attack. Run to the nearest fallout shelter.” You’ll have about ten minutes to get there. You’ll never get there. And in comes this bomb, hydrogen bomb, at twenty times the speed of sound, and you won’t even hear it coming. It will land on this beautiful auditorium and explode with the heat inside the center of the sun, turning this building and millions of tons of rock and earth to radioactive fallout shot up in that swirling mushroom cloud.

... Okay, then five miles from all directions from here, everyone’s going to be vaporized. In Hiroshima a little tiny bomb was exploded which killed about 120,000 people in a flash of light, and a little boy was reaching up to catch a red dragon fly in his hand against the blue sky and there was a blinding flash, and he literally disappeared, and his shadow is in the museum at Hiroshima on the pavement. It’s all that was left.

Twenty miles from here, and think of where you live, in all directions, everyone will be grotesquely burnt. The burned patient is the most difficult patient we ever treat. Hundreds of units of blood and plasma, and serum leaking out, terrible infections, skin transplants and often then we still lose the patients. There aren’t many burn beds in the whole of the United States. But don’t worry, the White House is stockpiling large quantities of morphine just in case there’s going to be a nuclear war.

Winds of five hundred miles an hour will suck people out of the buildings and turn them into missiles traveling at a hundred miles an hour through the air. Then if you look at the flash fifty miles out you’ll get retinal burns and be instantly blinded, and the whole area would become engulfed in a firestorm of three thousand square miles, so if you’re in a fallout shelter you’ll asphyxiate from the heat of the fires using up the oxygen.

Now, I only dropped one bomb. There are two and a half thousand that can drop on America. Every single town and city with a population of 10,000 or more is targeted with at least one of those, every university, every college, every corporation, every factory, even railway yards. Twenty probably targeted on Washington alone. That is Bill Clinton’s legacy.

gee thanks

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divineorder's picture

@eyo
Quite a courageous Doctor and activist, here's here wikipedia : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Caldicott

We heard Dr. Caldicott speak in Austin back in the day. Seems like our Beyond War chapter invited her but can't remember.

One of the takeaways from her talk that has never left me was that far too many Americans were rendered actionless because of Psychic Numbing from the knowledge of all the fail.

We 'like' her Facebook Page where she posts all manner of good lefty links:
https://www.facebook.com/helen.m.caldicott

She's also a twitter user:

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A truth of the nuclear age/climate change: we can no longer have endless war and survive on this planet. Oh sh*t.

@eyo
has been an embarrassment to informed people on the left for more than a generation.

If a country plans to destroy as much of a city as possible a warhead will be an airburst. The fireball will not touch the ground. It is the irradiation of ground material that causes fallout. There would be very little fallout from an airburst. A series of airbursts could start major fires.

A groundburst makes sense if you want to destroy a hardened target. A groundburst creates a great deal of fallout, but generally not widespread fires.

The number of nuclear weapons North Korea is likely to direct at the US could hit major cities and cause huge casualties. Nobody including the military knows how well ballistic missile defense will work. But the number launched is likely to be small. If the US retaliates do you think Russia or China will get an overwhelming urge for global suicide?

Let me be clear. I hate the direction the US is taking with nuclear weapons development. It is based on the assumption that a nuclear war against China or Russia could be limited to strikes on military targets and I don't believe it. But North Korea isn't China or Russia. It could in the relatively near future become an existential threat to South Korea and Japan, but the price it would pay would be terrible.

If Trump would shut up the threat would fade away.

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@FuturePassed thanks for the death merchant update, I try not to dwell on the insanity of nuclear bomb technology but information is good.

Yes, that speech is a classic oldie. I was in my 20s when I heard the first version at Drake High School in Marin County, California. Bastion of wine-sipping liberals, woo! The part that traumatized me was the government film of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki aftermaths, with her describing in detail the medical stuff from a pediatrician's point of view. Watching skin fall of kids was not fun, people's hair and teeth fell out, gums bled, they died a terrible suffering death. Someone in the audience had a heart attack, and she had to stop while the ambulance came and took him away. He survived.

Her work is extremely important to me, even though it may seem hyperbolic sometimes that is what it takes to wake people up. Here she is on Reagan, I guess you know the story of Patti and the meeting she arranged. It turned out pretty well I think:

However, I thought I had no influence at all, but through the retrospective work, I now think that maybe I did, because when he met with Gorbachev, they were momentous meets that two men in this human race has ever had, they almost agreed to eliminate nuclear weapons between Russia and America. Gorbachev and Reagan got hung up on star wars. After that, he and Gorbachev worked together and Shevardnadze and Schultz turned into great statesmen and I think together they helped to bring about the end of the cold war, which was a magnificent achievement and I credit both of them for that. And since the cold war ended, nothing has changed. America and Russia still target with each other with 3,500 hydrogen bombs. Nothing has changed except the animosity has disappeared, and the two countries are friends, but they still hold the world as nuclear hostage ready to blow us up at any second of any day.

Clearly hyperbole is not enough. I am not piling on more of her words to irritate, sorry if they grate your nerves. I am for worldwide Nuclear Disarmament. ND, the semaphore signal combination that makes up the peace symbol. I want it.

"War Is Over! (If You Want It)," - IMAGINE PEACE

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@eyo
Hiroshima and Nagasaki are accurate and should be horrifying enough for anybody. She has done a great deal of good work.

A significant part of my work involved debating people who believe the US should develop a counterforce strategy so we can threaten to use, and if necessary actually use, nuclear weapons. You can't debate these people with hyperbole. They know perfectly well each side could set off hundreds of nuclear weapons without destroying the world. I wish they knew those same weapons targeted differently could certainly come close to destroying humanity. (Actually, they do know it. They just don't believe anybody would do it. They place a high value on rationality in the midst of nuclear war as command and control systems are disrupted.) The problem with their argument is once it starts, where does it stop? In their version of reality it stops when we win. I believe they are delusional.

Once, when I was especially discouraged doing research in the area when the dominant school of thought was to improve war fighting I talked to an older friend with a distinguished record in WWII who devoted the rest of his life to providing solid, accurate information on which to build peace. I talked about giving up. He told me "You can't abandon the field of nuclear strategy to people who, when discussing the subject, get that gleam in their eye.

Believe me, accurate information, which Dr. Caldicott often uses, is horrifying enough. It doesn't need to be embellished. And it opens the way to a policy debate rather than an argument over ideology.

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snoopydawg's picture

The Bert video is hilarious but in a scary way. How many here grew up with this movie? The tone of the narration is even more scary. Poor lil Tony. He survived the explosions only to die from radiation as eyo describes above. Sounds like a hideous way to die and I can't believe that we continued to build more of them after seeing what happened in Hiroshima and the other city that got to be the testing ground for our new toy. Sociopaths gave that order and other ones dropped the bombs.

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There were problems with running a campaign of Joy while committing a genocide? Who could have guessed?

Harris is unburdened of speaking going forward.

Big Al's picture

@snoopydawg so fucked up today. We had to practice hiding under our school desks while reciting the pledge of allegiance.

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divineorder's picture

@Big Al nightmares !!! /s

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A truth of the nuclear age/climate change: we can no longer have endless war and survive on this planet. Oh sh*t.

divineorder's picture

@Big Al

The first time I went to the former USSR back in the 80's on a citizen's exchange track II diplomacy trip I often found myself in tears after meeting people there who frankly did not want to see me or mine nuked. Only think I could think was that I had had all these subconscious fears built up from my youngest memories including 'duck and cover days' in elementary school, that came welling up....

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A truth of the nuclear age/climate change: we can no longer have endless war and survive on this planet. Oh sh*t.

snoopydawg's picture

@Big Al

Yeah I can see how that would fuck one up. I'd like to know how people lived with the threat of constant annihilation hanging over you. This was over by the time I started school, thank the Ceiling Cat.

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There were problems with running a campaign of Joy while committing a genocide? Who could have guessed?

Harris is unburdened of speaking going forward.

earthling1's picture

@Big Al
I remember that.

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Neither Russia nor China is our enemy.
Neither Iran nor Venezuela are threatening America.
Cuba is a dead horse, stop beating it.

divineorder's picture

aggressive push back by the CDC to the anti-science DT admin it is so out there.

Want to rec to all to go have a look a the Civil Defense wiki entry.
History is well worth a read imo.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_defense

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A truth of the nuclear age/climate change: we can no longer have endless war and survive on this planet. Oh sh*t.

riverlover's picture

@divineorder 'Here, wouldn't want to worry about your thyroid wigging out while you die rather quickly from whole-body radiation poisoning'.

Worst case (at least after not being vaporized)----take anti-oxidants? I had lab exposure to 32P in milliCurie amounts. Just the idea made me nauseous. But the half-life is only 14 days. Plenty of shoes went into the closet.

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Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.

snoopydawg's picture

@divineorder

IMG_1719.JPG

IMG_1720.JPG

Maybe if enough people understand the devastation that nuclear weapons bring then they might stop saying that Trump has a right to nuke North Korea. I'm seeing this type of comment on my local website. Gawd I wish I had the money to move back to California. Sad

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There were problems with running a campaign of Joy while committing a genocide? Who could have guessed?

Harris is unburdened of speaking going forward.

we didn't elect a kill crazy Lovecraftian horror who has a Russia obcession. And thank gods I don't believe in that England isn't crazy enough to let Theresa May start it herself.

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On to Biden since 1973

earthling1's picture

are positing a false flag event to cover for a major strike on North Korea.
Sadly, it has to be considered due to past events.
Cannon fodder r us.

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Neither Russia nor China is our enemy.
Neither Iran nor Venezuela are threatening America.
Cuba is a dead horse, stop beating it.

snoopydawg's picture

@earthling1

They seem to work every damn time.
This happened today at the UN meeting.

The U.S. Wanted to Discuss Iran. Russia Brought Up Black Lives Matter.

First Haley got a talking to about UN Security Council protocol.

Efforts by the Trump administration to marshal a muscular international response to Iran’s crackdown on anti-government protesters appeared to backfire on Friday, as members of the United Nations Security Council instead used a special session called by the United States to lecture the American ambassador on the proper purpose of the body and to reaffirm support for the Iran nuclear agreement.

The Iranian ambassador did not take her false concerns for his country sitting down.

It was an afternoon of high diplomatic theater that began with a passionate denunciation of Iran’s “oppressive government” by the American ambassador, Nikki R. Haley, and ended with the Iranian ambassador delivering a lengthy history of popular revolt in the United States — from the violent demonstrations at the Democratic National Convention in 1968 to the Occupy Wall Street protests in 2011.

Is this a face palm by the ambassador? Smile

IMG_1721.JPG

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There were problems with running a campaign of Joy while committing a genocide? Who could have guessed?

Harris is unburdened of speaking going forward.

snoopydawg's picture

@snoopydawg

There is better information here. Oh to be a fly on the wall. I'd love to see how Haley reacted to this.

In an often bitter discussion laying bare the deep ideological rifts over the future of the Middle East, Iran’s UN ambassador Gholamali Khoshroo added he had “hard evidence” that recent protests in Iran were “very clearly directed from abroad”.

“It is unfortunate that despite the resistance on the part of some of its members, this council has allowed itself to be abused by the current US administration in holding a meeting on an issue that falls outside the scope of its mandate,” Khoshroo said. He accused the US of “preposterous bullying” and searching for every possible straw to keep itself afloat.

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There were problems with running a campaign of Joy while committing a genocide? Who could have guessed?

Harris is unburdened of speaking going forward.

Pricknick's picture

@snoopydawg
John Hardon Bolton would be proud of Haley.
What a can't.

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Regardless of the path in life I chose, I realize it's always forward, never straight.

boriscleto's picture

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" In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move. -- Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy "

Bisbonian's picture

@boriscleto
Don't know where, don't know when,
But I know we'll meet again
Some sunny day.
Keep smiling through,
Just like you always do,
'Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.

So will you please say hello
To the folks that I know,
Tell them I won't be long.
They'll be happy to know
That as you saw me go,
I was singing this song

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"I’m a human being, first and foremost, and as such I’m for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole.” —Malcolm X

QMS's picture

never-trust-an-atom-they-make-up-everything-humor-art-design-turnpike.jpg

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