I am the very model of a fucked up individual

I am the very model of a Fucked up individual,
I've digested all the blogs, and read the tabloid residual,
I know that England's screwed up, and the Brexit issues's historical
From Washington to London, to say other is heretical; (Breath...)

I frankly do not give a crap about matters mathematical,
Never mind equations, both the simple and quadratical,
As far as I'm concerned you can rant about your interest rate...

Interest Rate... Interest rates... Oh yes!

And whatever else you choose to use to help you masturbate...

Chorus:
And whatever else you choose to use to help you masturbate...
And whatever else you choose to use to help you masturbate...
And whatever else you choose to use to help you masturbate...

I've been around long enough to know that certain folk;
have neither the inclination nor the sense to learn to take a joke:
In short, in matters sexual, Identity or political,
I am the very model of a Fucked up individual.

Chorus:
For Whether it is sexual, identity or political,
He is the very model of a Fucked up Individual.

I know our mythic history, is supposed to be a pack of lies;
From I understand there is a celebration when each of us dies,
I would quote at length from the works of Kerouac,
Except that understand he suffers from the sin of not being black.
In fact the the entire nation seems to suffer from the same disease,
The vast majority have never even heard of Aristophanes!
But they can't hum, instead they seek an Mp3..

Ack... Mp3... Mp3... AH-Hah!

and will not resist a war until they're an enlistee!

Chorus:
and will not resist a war until they're an enlistee!
and will not resist a war until they're an enlistee!
and will not resist a war until they're an enlistee!

Well I'll just sit and write a lot of silly rot,
leave to the spooks to determine what is real or not,
In short, in matters sexual, Identity or political,
I am the very model of a Fucked up individual.

Chorus:
For Whether it is sexual, identity or political,
He is the very model of a Fucked up Individual.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "racism" and "hatred filled",
When I can tell at sight a straw man burning from a color pill,
With such affairs as debate and gang attacks I know the tricks,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "don't be a dick",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern censorship,
When I know more of propaganda than a reporter on a army trip–
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental prophecy –
Nobody will listen so I'll just write a song or three...

Chorus:
Nobody will listen so he'll just write a song or three...
Nobody will listen so he'll just write a song or three...
Nobody will listen so he'll just write a song or three...

For my military knowledge, though outdated and impractical,
as far as power and influence goes, you know that I do Lack it all,
But still, in matters sexual, Identity or political,
I am the very model of a Fucked up individual.

Share
up
15 users have voted.

Comments

Alligator Ed's picture

on your beautiful adaptation of their great song. You are very modern in a major way. Yes, new clothes on an old mannequin. Huzzah! I'll drink a pint with you--a after more than a few, we shall sing in a cacophony of good fellowship how fucked we all are.

I search the annals of my musical library to find a suitable song with which to conclude this comment. In the meantime, I'll have another pint.

Zot! I have found what I was looking for, not a final verse to your epic poetry. But, better, a description of how I massage my feelings when confronted by those issues which you have put to rhyme. In a sense, this is what we health people call, mood adjustment. Please sing along, if it so pleases you.

Yours, in all modernity,
AE.

up
11 users have voted.
detroitmechworks's picture

@Alligator Ed For some reason I woke up with "Whether it is sexual, identity or political, I am the very model of a fucked up individual..." running through my head, and felt the need to type it up. So thanks to all the muses on that one, because I particularly like a couple of the slant rhymes. Smile

up
11 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Dawn's Meta's picture

Tom Lehrer's 'The Elements' comes to mind. I know I've heard something like this years ago that was satire of English manners, culture and behavior. Maybe Gilbert and Sullivan? Yes the Model of a Modern Major General.

The name or word "Entertainment" or something like it, flits around the edges of my memories.

Well done!!!

up
7 users have voted.

A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they know they shall never sit. Allegedly Greek, but more possibly fairly modern quote.

Consider helping by donating using the button in the upper left hand corner. Thank you.

detroitmechworks's picture

@Dawn's Meta of flattery.

IIRC the Elements was the periodic table set to "I am the Very Model of A Modern Major General". Which was a lot of fun. Of course the only part I really remember of that is "These are the only ones of which the news has come to Haaaarvard.... and there may be many others but they haven't been discovaaaard..."

up
5 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Daenerys's picture

@detroitmechworks One of my favorite Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul characters:

Bravo, DM! I once played in the orchestra in a community production of Pirates of Penzance. Our Major General forgot the first few lines of his song one night. Oops!

up
7 users have voted.

This shit is bananas.

Bollox Ref's picture

the major general of the original G&S effort was based on the character and career of Field Marshal Viscount Wolseley. He achieved fame and rank serving in the various little wars of Victoria's reign.

(For what it's worth.)

up
8 users have voted.

Gëzuar!!
from a reasonably stable genius.

detroitmechworks's picture

@Bollox Ref However it makes the song feel even more appropriate. Smile

up
5 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.