It's Over Gandalf. We Need to Unite Behind Saruman To Save Middle Earth From Sauron!

I’ve been on Team Gandalf ever since he first visited the Shire. It was so nice to see a wizard who was truly a wizard of the people. The kind of wizard who wouldn’t even throw you in a dungeon for smoking a little Longbottom Leaf or Old Toby. Here was a wizard who didn’t have a big fancy tower. His staff and cloak were rather plain and grey. And he had quite a dream, didn’t he?

Gandalf had the crazy idea that some little hobbits could stand up to and defy the power of the billionaire class Dark Lord Sauron. But I guess that was a pipe dream after all.

Gandalf failed. He got his ass locked up atop Saruman’s tower when he foolishly defied the head of the Democratic Party council of wizards. And now that he’s locked up it’s not like some eagle is going to magically appear and rescue him. It’s over. And now Saruman is our only hope against Sauron.

We need to stop saying nasty things about Saruman or it will be difficult to rally the people of Middle Earth to his side. Here are some things we should no longer mention, or if we do, we should put a positive spin on them so people will still see Saruman is our only hope.

Saruman’s Environmental Record: While it is true that Saruman has supported clear cutting huge ancient forests, and while an old hippie tree hugger like Treebeard might tell you lots of those trees were his friends, we ARE talking about trees here. And sure, Gandalf has a much better record on the environment but he’s done now. It’s time to focus on how much worse Sauron’s environmental record is. I mean, have you seen Mordor? 

Saruman’s Being in League With the Dark Lord: Okay, okay. It’s true. Saruman did go to Sauron’s wedding. But that was a LONG time ago when Sauron still had both eyes. And fake hair. It’s also true that Saruman may have promised to do the dark lord’s bidding and to find the ring of power and give it to Sauron. But c’mon! You know Saruman was just doing that because he plans to ultimately betray Sauron after he’s done betraying us!

Saruman Actively Seeks Out the Ring of Power, and the Ring of Power Has Only One Master and Is Evil. Gandalf says that is evidence you have to refuse to have anything at all to do with the Super PrACious at all. His biggest criticism of Saruman is that Saruman plans to try and use the ring. But that’s just an artful smear on Gandalf’s part, implying that Saruman doesn’t have the integrity to be totally uninfluenced by the speaking fees one ring once he accepts it!

Saruman Has Instigated Pre-Emptive War That Has Killed Thousands: Look, he only did that to prove his loyalty and toughness to Sauron so he could get some of that sweet, sweet ring of power. You know, the power we can totally trust him to use AGAINST Sauron later. Sometimes you have to burn a few villages in Rohan to save the world. Besides, it was all a misunderstanding. Saruman glimpsed in the palantir and thought he saw a spear of mass destruction being constructed at Helm’s Deep. Cause you can totally trust what Sauron chooses to show you in the palantir.

So now you all have your talking points. Let’s get out there and whip up support for Saruman! Saruman is the wisest and most powerful of the wizards and has the most experience! Saruman will not be influenced at all by the Super PrACious ring of power and will instead use its might to betray the one who made it. He totally is going to betray Sauron and not us.

So forget about Gandalf and his ridiculous plan involving little hobbits and actually giving up Wall Street money the ring of power. Only a fool would take on the power of Wall Street Mordor without it.

So it’s time to say #I’mWithSar because Saruman isn’t after the ring for himself, he’s always been fighting for us. Thank you, Saruman, for bearing the heavy burden of all that Wall Street money the ring of power to save us from a fate even worse than you:

Thanks for the rec list a Daily Kos! Sadly, as of around noon I can no longer comment or write new diaries over there. Not sure if it's a glitch or what. I guess we'll see.

Remember, you might not like having to support Saruman but we live in a TWO TOWER system!

And I don’t hate Saruman. Saruman makes me sad and a little angry. You know why? Because I’m with Tree Beard: “A wizard should know better.”

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118 users have voted.

Comments

I had no problem with the cia guy UNTIL I saw his post on his support of Measure S in Berkeley back in 2012. it just didn't seem very progressive to want to criminalize homelessness and mental illness. SO, I did some research on him. When I found an audio of a interview with Markos (I believe it was on radio) saying that he had applied at CIA and had gone through the process to the last step, the signing of that final paper, but had decided to join Dean's campaign instead. I thought, Yeah right. It looked to me like the Dean failure was the cia guys 1st mission for the company. I continued visiting the cia guys place in spite of him. I stayed for the authors and the humor and the news. Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying Markos is CIA. I'm not saying I believe he is CIA. The most accurate way to put it would be that I believe it could be possible, given our governments past misdeeds

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3 users have voted.

With their hearts they turned to each others heart for refuge
In troubled years that came before the deluge
*Jackson Browne, 1974, Before the Deluge https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SX-HFcSIoU

lunachickie's picture

well, okay, maybe it's simpler than yours? WinkNapoleon-bunny-part-still.jpg

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1 user has voted.
PastorAgnostic's picture

He may think quite well of himself, but no way will the hillarians and Hillaryland (Google it for fun) ever allow him into the inner sanctum. For them, he is trash. Useful trash, but still trash.

I took a gander at his writing. In some ways, he is as shallow as Rubio. No way will I go back.

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0 users have voted.
Steven D's picture

I am honored that the last diary you recommended (or at least the last one showing as being reduced by you) was one of mine.

Namaste

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11 users have voted.

"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott

This is so funny and so creative. I can't help wondering if the reason that everyone is so thin-skinned over there is that they know she's a terrible candidate. Face it, she shouldn't be having this much difficulty. She has gobs of money and the concerted effort of almost everyone in the party elite plus the mainstream media carrying her over the goal line.

I'm going to have to get back to grading and finish everything and put it to bed so that I can phone bank for the first time on Sunday. This sort of thing makes me annoyed.

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10 users have voted.
elenacarlena's picture

Too afraid to vote for anything other than incrementalism, too afraid to challenge the powers that be.

Yet deep in their cowardly hearts, they know this country needs Bernie Sanders, and there's a tiny little flame way deep inside that feels the Bern.

So there's guilt, there's no joy in Mudville, and they are as thin-skinned as... something very, very thin skinned (my similes desert me).

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2 users have voted.

Please check out Pet Vet Help, consider joining us to help pets, and follow me @ElenaCarlena on Twitter! Thank you.

greywolfe359's picture

and this many votes to a "democratic socialist" who was at 3% in the polls going in with no money and no Super PAC...wow.

It's like watching a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament squeak out an 6 or 8 point win in the first round. Shows they have some major flaws and are not going to fare too well down the road.

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4 users have voted.
Lisa Lockwood's picture

Loved this so much, and really glad you made it over here.
Saw you got the banhammer .... sigh, their loss.
Thanks for cross-posting ~ hugs and welcome home!

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42 users have voted.

"When the powerless are shut out of the media, we will make the media irrelevant" ~Anonymous~

greywolfe359's picture

The whole point of doing satire was to stay within the lines. Anyone have email or contact info for support/helpdesk etc?

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22 users have voted.
Lisa Lockwood's picture

http://www.dailykos.com/contactus

It has a form for contacting admins about banning/reinstatement issues as the first choice
(guess they've been getting (ban) hammered with emails as they should be).

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22 users have voted.

"When the powerless are shut out of the media, we will make the media irrelevant" ~Anonymous~

Lisa Lockwood's picture

asking for your reinstatement. Who knows whether I'll get a response, or get banned myself for my note, but this is just stupid.
Anyways, glad you made it over here, greywolf!

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29 users have voted.

"When the powerless are shut out of the media, we will make the media irrelevant" ~Anonymous~

greywolfe359's picture

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17 users have voted.
poligirl's picture

barnburner hating on Sanders supporters is not bojoed.

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17 users have voted.

so, good luck with that!

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28 users have voted.
Lisa Lockwood's picture

much like having a bank ceo monitor anti-big bank legislation.
The awesomeness!

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35 users have voted.

"When the powerless are shut out of the media, we will make the media irrelevant" ~Anonymous~

i know, right?

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15 users have voted.
TheOtherMaven's picture

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25 users have voted.

There is no justice. There can be no peace.

Shahryar's picture

or a bankster lawyer put in charge of the DoJ

or a Comcast guy being named to the FCC

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17 users have voted.
greywolfe359's picture

Like making the head of G.E., a major outsourcer of jobs, a member of the presidents jobs committee. Immeldt, I think his name was. You really can't make this shit up.

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3 users have voted.

Trix- one of the most flagrant trolls during the past several months Trix? That goes to show us precisely what kos thinks about us. That asshat should have been given the ol' heave ho long ago for his shit stirring bullshit. I find it hard to not think he was on a mission from Dear Leader. One word: fukmall

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30 users have voted.

He has never shared one decent contributing thought to Bernie or Hillary diary! I assumed he would have been banned by now!

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11 users have voted.

FTS

Diluting the good will of their brand and all ...

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17 users have voted.
Raggedy Ann's picture

that absolutely cracked me up! I'm still chuckling. Oh, if only it were that easy! Wink

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11 users have voted.

“The trouble [with injustice] is that once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And once you’ve seen it, keeping quiet, saying nothing, becomes as political an act as speaking out. There is no innocence. Either way, you’re accountable.”
-- Arundhati Roy

reflectionsv37's picture

When I received my week long timeout about a month ago, the one that also included Thumb and another 130 or so Dkos members, the first place I went to see if the timeouts were "bipartisan" or only directed at Bernie supporters, I went to visit Trix's page. If anyone deserved a timeout it was Trix! But nope, Trix was just fine! No timeout there!

That's the moment I knew, after 12 years, that Dkos was no longer the place I originally signed up for. Haven't been back since! And now they put Trix in charge of the helpdesk. The transformation is complete!

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7 users have voted.

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
George W. Bush

Silly Rabbitt. He is no longer a front pager, which is probably why he's on moderation duty. It's the worst job there.

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4 users have voted.
lunachickie's picture

I thought that was given up willingly when the poster was on the FP? I don't think it ever got banned....

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1 user has voted.
TheOtherMaven's picture

IMHO it was a "sacrificial sock" to allow Little Napoleon to pretend he was being "fair and balanced". Blum 3

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0 users have voted.

There is no justice. There can be no peace.

Wasn't she on timeout just recently for being superlatively obnoxious?

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2 users have voted.
elenacarlena's picture

I'll Kosmail elfling directly.

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1 user has voted.

Please check out Pet Vet Help, consider joining us to help pets, and follow me @ElenaCarlena on Twitter! Thank you.

ChemBob's picture

About getting back in. They responded by pointing me to comment that bojo'd me and that mighty Markos himself brought the ban hammer down across my bony skull, so I don't expect to ever get back. FWIW, there is guidance from 2007 (I think) that indicates once banned always banned. It would probably take a royal edict from Her Majesty Hillary to get these changed. Just stay here. Screw those banning asshats. No way you deserved it for this diary.

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32 users have voted.

Armando is one, I think.

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4 users have voted.

Would anyone want to be a member of that club?

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2 users have voted.

He is the only sane one there. Do Not Write to the support/help desk, you will just get caught with the functionaries.

If MB won't help, no one will. Please do this. I thought the diary was brilliant and they are being well, *insert favorite swear word*

I have a lot of confidence in MB....

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29 users have voted.

Sea Turtle

TheOtherMaven's picture

and he has a tendency to get caught up in groupthink (especially if there is NDN-flavored Injustice Collection involved). So I would certainly not hold my breath waiting for his assistance.

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21 users have voted.

There is no justice. There can be no peace.

shaharazade's picture

he once NRed me for a month in a dairy written by a troll pretending to be guard from Gitmo that turned out to be a fraud. The diary was extolling how well the prisoners there were treated and how dangerous they were. The diarist was banned. I appealed to him but he said my comment which went Godwin big time was the problem. He did feel my pain however.

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15 users have voted.
gulfgal98's picture

IMO, It will not change a thing except making me a target.

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8 users have voted.

"I don't want to run the empire, I want to bring it down!" ~Dr. Cornel West

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." John F Kennedy

PastorAgnostic's picture

Seriously, I feel your pain, but do not give that little shit the satisfaction.

That place is about to implode, at least as a site with smart, creative folk. They have been chased out. All they have is Kos' ego and greed.

You are too good of a creative thinker and writer to debase yourself by begging re-admittance.

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1 user has voted.
Haikukitty's picture

It sure does help put things into perspective, doesn't it?

And also, its a great and funny read.

Well done!!

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32 users have voted.

Had to thank you for the hoots.

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13 users have voted.

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." --Jiddu Krishnamurti

Borkrom's picture

Thank you for sharing and it is very funny, but true. My fear is many minions will fall under his spell.

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26 users have voted.
detroitmechworks's picture

Welcome Home. As far as TOP goes, When you lose your sense of humor, you have truly lost your way.

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23 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Mister Pants's picture

when I saw it at DK. The comments were predictably unamused! You know you've become a cultist when you can no longer brook satirical jabs at your leader.

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44 users have voted.
gulfgal98's picture

over there.

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15 users have voted.

"I don't want to run the empire, I want to bring it down!" ~Dr. Cornel West

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." John F Kennedy

Cachola's picture

Install the military junta led by Pinochet.

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15 users have voted.

Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur.

getting away with propaganda over there with impunity.

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14 users have voted.
triv33's picture

You need hip waders over there.

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11 users have voted.

I shave my legs with Occam's Razor~

Hillbilly Dem's picture

DKos like North Korea?

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8 users have voted.

"Just call me Hillbilly Dem(exit)."
-H/T to Wavey Davey

Stop going over there. That assholes traffic is higher than ever . You're helping him!

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3 users have voted.

Stop going over there. That assholes traffic is higher than ever . You're helping him!

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1 user has voted.
tapu dali's picture

Resistance is quite futile. I shall brook no dissent!

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4 users have voted.

There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don't know we don't know.

Bulldawg's picture

The Kos "Villagers" are going batshit over it. What a scarily authoritariam bunch they've become.

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48 users have voted.

“Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” - John Steinbeck

Phoebe Loosinhouse's picture

the more I read this the more brilliant it is.

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40 users have voted.

" “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR "

WoodsDweller's picture

What a scarily authoritarian bunch they've become revealed themselves to be.

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26 users have voted.

The truth is never as interesting as wild speculation.

Not surprising that some (not all) Clinton camp followers are molded from the same inflexible stuff. Bill's become a caricature of himself, and she's heading there but has shape-shifted so often the process may be harder to recognize.

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20 users have voted.

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." --Jiddu Krishnamurti

The little wannabe Stalins are purging a web site from momma's basement. What a fucking joke when you think about it. Purging a fucking website. That's the little bit of power they have in their life.

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15 users have voted.
Jazzenterprises's picture

when people lose the ability to laugh... not to mention they had their "Hillary will bring evil to the world" diary which I found equally amusing.

Their loss.

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27 users have voted.

Progressive to the bone.

Mister Pants's picture

Their candidate is way ahead, and the MSM has pretty much written off her opponent. Yet it's still "LEAVE POOR HILLARY ALONE!!!" Yeah, it's supporters of the candidate who has had the weight of the entire party establishment and the MSM tipping the scale for her whose fragile fee-fees must be protected from those mean Sanders bullies!

Bah! Bah I say.

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27 users have voted.
greywolfe359's picture

I was just pointing out what they already fessed up to.

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4 users have voted.
greywolfe359's picture

Can someone let me know how to do that? I was able to get the same two pictures in as on Kos, but it doesn't display on the main story page or when I go to share on facebook, as I'd rather drive traffic to this site rather than Kos now.

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15 users have voted.

do you mean the page with all the essay listings?

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12 users have voted.
greywolfe359's picture

I see most of the other essays have a picture over on the right side of the page with them. Trying to do that.

I also want a picture to show up when I click my "share on facebook" button but it's just text right now.

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11 users have voted.

got to "My Account" in the header at the top of the page and that will take you to your user account, then click the "Edit" link and it'll take you to your profile page where you can upload an image for your avatar. There are also other fields there that you can fill out if you want, they are all optional.

The main story page did have a short teaser preview that would show your top image, but because of complaints that essays were falling off the page too quickly I removed the teaser to truncate the listing, allowing them to stay on the page longer.

If you link to Facebook from the main story page your essay will scroll down and folks coming here from Facebook may miss it. Why not link to the page that your essay and comments are on.

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11 users have voted.
Raggedy Ann's picture

They're a rabid bunch over there. Toss a little red meat into the cage and watch the free-for-all. Scary.

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25 users have voted.

“The trouble [with injustice] is that once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And once you’ve seen it, keeping quiet, saying nothing, becomes as political an act as speaking out. There is no innocence. Either way, you’re accountable.”
-- Arundhati Roy

Yohannon's picture

Watching the reasonable HRC supporters (Yes, Virginia, they DO exist!) admit that it was pretty damn funny, and they couldn't understand how the other HRC supporters couldn't see why. Egads, some of the reactions weren't just hostile, they were borderline threats.

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21 users have voted.

Just another refugee from the Daily Chaos. Wink

Martha Pearce-Smith's picture

Conformity is all....

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5 users have voted.

Please help the Resilience Resource Library grow by adding your links.

First Nations News

Tyrion's_Red_Coat's picture

... because they didn't have the imagination to think of it first.

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2 users have voted.

When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar; you are only telling the world that you fear what he might say.

Tyrion's_Red_Coat's picture

double post, sahhry

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1 user has voted.

When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar; you are only telling the world that you fear what he might say.

Phoebe Loosinhouse's picture

So well done.

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24 users have voted.

" “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR "

Phoebe Loosinhouse's picture

criticism Sauron might make - talk about ungrateful!

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31 users have voted.

" “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR "

TheOtherMaven's picture

and that's a stunningly effective picture of Sir Christopher Lee as Saruman, too. (Dude always wanted to play Gandalf, but by the time Peter Jackson got things rolling, he was too old. So he gamely settled in to playing yet one more Big Bad, and was brilliant.)

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23 users have voted.

There is no justice. There can be no peace.

wait until they post a "Vote Hillary or else" for you to sign on to after the Dem Convention.

I saw Kos's comment in your diary and was hoping that your diary would turn up here. I don't comment over there (maybe 2 or 3) since The Edict, any perceived slight could ban me...talk about shutting down dissent. Wait until this time next year when HRC joins BHO in work on "reforming" Medicaid and Medicare, and as a matter of conjecture for Social Security as well.

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22 users have voted.
thrownstone's picture

translates into "Citizens United vs FEC" ?

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22 users have voted.

“Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.” Voltaire

Ender's picture

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0 users have voted.
Tyrion's_Red_Coat's picture

Loved this piece.

I recently commented (as TheLadyBrienne) on That Other Site that if a Hillary supporter had written this BRILLIANT satire to make fun of Bernie's minions, they probably wouldn't have been banned.

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27 users have voted.

When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar; you are only telling the world that you fear what he might say.

detroitmechworks's picture

are out in full force.
I Just had to verify myself, and the Rec list is full of how HORRIBLE Bernie Supporters are. Not a Single ban. Quelle Surprise.

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20 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

ValleyForger's picture

I decamped at the end of the evening on the 14th and I swore DKos off completely.

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20 users have voted.

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7 users have voted.
Borkrom's picture

On your way to better places.

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7 users have voted.
seefleur's picture

I'm going cold turkey on GOS. I really don't want to have to up my blood pressure meds. And this was a most excellent read - you get two thumbs up from a rabid LOTR fan. (Although I have read the books far more times than I will ever watch the movie version.) Kudos to you - and wear your banning badge with pride!

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24 users have voted.

Think off-center.
George Carlin

ChemBob's picture

I screen captured his comments. I hope rhis works [adding the picture].

image.png

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41 users have voted.
detroitmechworks's picture

That's kinda what I'm getting from this crap.

And No Kos, It won't stop. You just won't have to worry your beautiful mind about it.

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27 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

the problem with the analogy is that Trump is not Sauron.

maybe Lloyd Blankfein is Sauron, or some such.

Trump would be more like a captain of the Corsairs.

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25 users have voted.

The earth is a multibillion-year-old sphere.
The Nazis killed millions of Jews.
On 9/11/01 a Boeing 757 (AA77) flew into the Pentagon.
AGCC is happening.
If you cannot accept these facts, I cannot fake an interest in any of your opinions.

pfiore8's picture

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9 users have voted.

“There are moments which are not calculable, and cannot be assessed in words; they live on in the solution of memory… ”
― Lawrence Durrell, "Justine"

darkmatter's picture

More like Cors-hairs...

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4 users have voted.

Sauron was just an emissary. Gandalf said so. Here's the deal. Hillary IS Sauron, Trump is Saurman. It's quite simple. Bill (an emissary of Saruon) encourages Saurman (trump) to run. And wall street is the power which Sauron is the emissary of. It appears so obvious to me!

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3 users have voted.

With their hearts they turned to each others heart for refuge
In troubled years that came before the deluge
*Jackson Browne, 1974, Before the Deluge https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SX-HFcSIoU

progdog's picture

Dude is mad with imagined power.

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34 users have voted.

prog - weirdo | dog - woof

I'm king of a website, ma!

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12 users have voted.
Tyrion's_Red_Coat's picture

... that is some weak-ass rationalization by Kos.

Totally ridiculous.

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23 users have voted.

When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar; you are only telling the world that you fear what he might say.

whyvee's picture

petty, petty little man he has become...

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15 users have voted.
gulfgal98's picture

that may have been how he always was. This is just the latest iteration of the worst of kos.

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15 users have voted.

"I don't want to run the empire, I want to bring it down!" ~Dr. Cornel West

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." John F Kennedy

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