So I have another meeting today with the...ahem....'case worker' at 3 in the afternoon today so I can keep 'working' for food. It sure would be nice if I didn't have to do this every. Single. Month...on top of reapplying for SNAP benefits every 6. I've put somewhere in the avenue of 250 applications over the past several months and still have nothing to show for it. And let's be honest, that's how most employers like it these days.

When I argue with some people online, these are two of the responses I get with regards to employment or disabilities. Then there's the classic "Stop using your disabilities as your excuse!!!!111!"(Yeah, let's see these assholes live a day in the life of someone with Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy and the physical problems that go with it and say that.) There are problems with all of these.

Life is hell when you're disabled and the possibility of a decent, sustainable job is anything but open to you. It's even worse when you have to spend month after month submitting tons and tons of job searches and 'education' activities that do nothing to actually improve the situation. Worst of all, if you miss anything by even ONE day, you face the strong possibility of being 'sanctioned': That is, you're cut off from food stamps for one month. And that's just the first delinquency.

At this point in time I've basically decided that even though I'm still looking for work, worrying about whether or not I have a job just isn't worth the stress. That, and truth be told, I'm tired of being pissed off all the time. So I'll just be happy with my marriage instead because the wife doesn't seem to care whether or not I'm working.

I have a rather interesting history with Social Security. As my maternal grandmother used to tell me, I was taken off of childhood disability benefits and switched to survivors when my father died. I was 12 at the time so I had no way of knowing about any of that then. Of course, the moment I turned 18 those benefits stopped and I had virtually no recourse for fighting back.

So this afternoon I had a job interview I thought I'd be a shoo in for: An IT Technician position for the supervisor of elections that was to last from July to December. The interview was over before it even began. Why? It requires a driver's license. This has been the case with almost every job to which I've applied.

I have tried many times to acquire a driver's license. Failed every time. Every. Time. I have also had doctors inform me that driving may not be the best idea.

We hear all about what it means to be successful, or rather, twisted American Capitalist tales of it. You know, the whole 'Look at that guy! He started with nothing but the hairs on his head and now look at 'em. He has enough money to buy and sell everyone a thousand times over and he's a job creator. A model for success, I tell ya what!'

I've mentioned before that even though people like to tell us there are all sorts of things to help us get on our feet, we're always punished when we choose to use them. Even when we do manage to land a job, it's often temporary through supported employment (Often at minimum wage) or we end up volunteering with no chance in hell of getting a paid job.

So today I have my monthly appointment with the lady I have to see every month to make sure I'm looking for jobs and 'educating' myself on alison.com, because that's all they actually allow. All this just for a meager pittance in SNAP benefits. Every. Single. Month. In addition to re-applying every 6 months.

I'm sure many disabled folks besides myself can attest to this, but many of us often do side jobs from home because of the lack of opportunity afforded us due to various conditions we deal with. In my case at least, it's not something I make much money with, if at all. You don't see too many people chomping at the bit to have boxes and boxes of pictures scanned, VHS videos or old audio cassettes digitized. Maybe I'm doing it wrong.