Disability Caucus 7/9/16: Family Stuff and the Stress of Work/No Work

At this point in time I've basically decided that even though I'm still looking for work, worrying about whether or not I have a job just isn't worth the stress. That, and truth be told, I'm tired of being pissed off all the time. So I'll just be happy with my marriage instead because the wife doesn't seem to care whether or not I'm working.

The reason that not having a job gets to me though, is because when it comes to...'man stuff' or the 'real world', you're literally defined by your work, or even whether or not you're working. People may say this isn't true, but that's a lie. A lot of times, if you don't have a job, you're shit. And the attitude of the world, or at least the American socio-political-economic climate reflects this. Unless you're some TV jackass or you're 'inventing' something, nobody cares.

So, where exactly does a disability come into play here? Well, when it comes to family life or marriage, it's tricky. Even frustrating, as it can be difficult to enjoy time with them. And of course, finding work can be difficult to impossible if you have trouble doing a few things such as getting a drivers' license, which it would seem many employers now require.

I just know that I've spent the last decade trying to become economically mobile and I'm starting to think that doing this the traditional way of getting a 9 to 5 just isn't worth the stress or frustration.

I just ordered a slide and negative scanner for my home scanning and digitizing setup so I might just expand on that somehow. Otherwise I don't really have any other ideas.

See ya around,

Aspie

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elenacarlena's picture

about it, then I would say don't worry about it. If you have some really nice equipment for digitizing stuff, if I had money but it's better quality to bring it to you, I would pay for you to do that. I have tons of old photos that I have been wondering the best way to preserve them and share them. And I think I remember you said you can do the same with videos? I still have tons of VCR tapes and DVD stuff that should also be brought into the modern era. Not to mention musical records and cassette tapes and CDs! All this stuff was state of the art when I bought it and represents a fairly sizable monetary investment, and I can't play half of it any more. If you develop ideal ways to copy over and use and preserve in digital media, I think you could develop a nice little home business. If it's cost effective. Is this something I would save money by having you do it rather than buying the equipment and/or software to do it myself?

What do others think? Do you have lots of old unconverted stuff like this too? Is this a service you could use?

Then you become an entrepreneur. Even a digital entrepreneur! That's pretty highfalutin. Wink

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The Aspie Corner's picture

We're supported by her parents and meager SS payouts and such. We're both educated and we've worked our asses off to get to where we are but the 'real world' doesn't give a damn about that.

As for the conversion stuff, I've had some customers over the years but nothing substantial. I'm sure it's something a lot of people can use but I suck at marketing/pr.

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Modern education is little more than toeing the line for the capitalist pigs.

Guerrilla Liberalism won't liberate the US or the world from the iron fist of capital.

Steven D's picture

When I had to retire as a lawyer because of my autoimmune disorder it was very traumatic simply from a mental health standpoint. So much of iour identity is tied to what we do, our occupation, how we make money, and to lose that, to stop being a source of income for your family devastated me, and I became very depressed.

What was worse was the fact that so many people, because my illness is not always immediately apparent just from looking at me, assumed I was lazy, a malingerer, that I could work if I wanted to do so. Even family members did not fully believe how sick and ill I became when I tried to work. Now, I think, after almost 20 years from my initial diagnosis (the wrong one but still an autoimmune issue) and 16 years after having to retire, have I begun to be accepted as disabled by my own family, sister, brothers, father (mother died in 2014).

So, I empathize with that feeling.

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"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott

The Aspie Corner's picture

is that I've dealt with my disabilities (Hemipeigic Cerebral Palsy, Asperger's) for my entire life. From birth. And I've done all I can to at least have some sense of 'normalcy' when it comes to that. At this point I'm wondering if it's even possible, and honestly I just don't care anymore.

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Modern education is little more than toeing the line for the capitalist pigs.

Guerrilla Liberalism won't liberate the US or the world from the iron fist of capital.

martianexpatriate's picture

I had this weird thing in my life occur years ago that allowed me to change in profound ways. I got medication for a problem that had kept me disabled for most of my life, medication I should have been taking most of my life.

Gradually I gained a clarity I'd never had, and I taught myself to do things I had long thought impossible. Every time I made myself a little better, I assumed that would be what would allow me to get work. I improved until I could do things most people around me were incapable of comprehending, and I did it salvaging electronics and junk.
And I still can't get a job.

I suspect that if I could ever get anybody to talk to me for longer then 5 minutes at a sitting, my social skills would improve but I can't. The medical system in Pueblo is failing so badly that I can't even get a clinician who will see me consistently. They all keep quitting or disappearing. Pueblo is a bit like Greece really. Nobody who gets the sort of money a clinician does wants to live here, so they all commute in. And they commute in for 3 or 4, or maybe 6 months if they are dedicated, and then they quit. Because apparently dealing with people in Pueblo is that overwhelming.

I'll always wonder what I could have been. But at this point I know I will never have a conventional job again. Which means I'll never get the contact I need with people to learn how to speak with them.

Its a vicious cycle. I can think of all kinds of solutions to many problems, but I haven't found a way out of that one yet.

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elenacarlena's picture

well verbally given the opportunity.

Personally, I work at home and much prefer it, so socializing at the office isn't all that great, you're not missing out on much IMHO. If only working at home paid better!

Since it doesn't, I am holding a fundraiser over at TOP today. In case you ever peek in, we could use some recs, tips, comments, and sharing, http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/07/10/1546880/-Pets,-Vets,-and-the-Pe... Thank you!

We need to think of something outside the box for the job situation. Maybe we should have an abilities jobs page or something.

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martianexpatriate's picture

at the office may not seem like much, but if you had no family or friends, you would miss it badly.

I will recommend and tip and your article, I hope it works out.

I still maintain a presence at TOP and will, until I'm banned. I know some people think that's a bad thing, but they go there for different reasons then I do.

This is a war. If I stop logging in and trying to make people understand what's happening, I deserted.

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elenacarlena's picture

Store clerks probably find me unusually friendly! I chit chat with the neighbors when we all walk our dogs. But mostly I hang out online. I appreciate the visit to our diary!

I now go to TOP for the community, but come here for the politics (and also for the community, hoping it will grow). I can't take TOP politics seriously any more. I'll look for your comments over there, though, and be sure to uprate!

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martianexpatriate's picture

sort of conversations with people at the store help me to remember how to speak, but they also depress me. It just isn't satisfying after awhile.

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mhagle's picture

but I am female and don't have a severe disability. I am hard of hearing and my feet are messed up, but those are just old age conditions that everyone faces.

I did reach a point in 2011, though, where I just wasn't able to get a job anymore. My husband retired in 2005 and became a stay-at-home dad while I continued as a teacher. The fall of 2010 I took a new job so I could bring my son to school to see a really great dyslexia therapist. It turned out to be horrible. We pulled him out after 5 weeks and I quit at semester. I always said I would never quit a job without having a new one in place, but I thought I was going to have a stroke from the stress. Figured I would just find a new job, but that was the year they cut 5 billion from the school budget and the subjects I taught went away. And I was too expensive, with 28 years experience and a MA.

Both my husband and I applied for jobs for about a year and a half. We were just too old mostly. I did some substitute teaching, but that is really a sucky thing. Pay is crappy, you still end up being a real teacher, and you have absolutely no leverage to discipline a classroom.

We realized we could make it OK on his retirement (mine was gone, used for various "emergencies" through the years), and a bit of family income. It was greatly scaled down from before, but we make it OK. So we quit looking for jobs.

Ultimately we ended up pulling both kids out of school because schools don't accommodate dyslexia worth a darn.

This is getting to my point now. Here we are. All home. Kids are teens and work on their various homeschool/unschool projects. We are on an acreage, so my husband putts around on his tractor, makes things, builds things. I am busy with gardening, harvesting and preserving gobs of tomatoes right now . . . cooking food from scratch (which I never did before) . . . cleaning, laundry . . .etc. It is sort of surreal, but it has evolved to be OK.

I don't feel the judgement being a "stay at home mom" that dudes . . . who are supposed to be the "hunters, gatherers, and protectors" feel. I understand that. But we have evolved away from taking care of our homes and each other over the past 150 years. If both partners are working, you just don't have time. You come home from work exhausted.

I hope that for you, your life will evolve into some sort of beautiful thing that had not imagined before.

For me, right now I am glad we are home with our kids. Being older parents, they won't have as much time with us later, you know.

I miss the social interaction with colleagues, and having my own money, but . . . it's OK.

I know this is a sappy chick comment, but I hope it helps.

Smile

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Marilyn

"Make dirt, not war." eyo