caucus99percent

free-range politics, organic community

So I am in the kitchen, weeping in frustration, uselessly attempting to get into some American packaging—please, jeebus, I just want a little cheese—when, suddenly, I am seized by a brainshower: the most successful terrorist, in the history of terrorists, that would be, whoever that was, that was that unutterable freak, who put the cyanide, there in the Tylenol. Back there in Chicago. And environs. Back in 1982.

Because, not only did this unutterable freak kill seven people, and never did get caught, but the Americans, in their typical fear-sweating, pants-crapping way, of Total Overreaction, to All and Everything, perceived as a Danger, that might ever Strike, at any time, Again, they then grimly proceeded to make it totally, permanently, impossible, to get into any product, that is intended, to be put, into a person's mouth. It is like, now, today, all these products, they are armored up, in impenetrable chastity belts. And, nobody, provides a key. Today, a hunk of cheese, it is more heavily secured, than is Fort Knox. Random screwlooses, they may occasionally leap the fence, and run right into the White House: but no American, ever, will get into a bottle of aspirin—not without several specialized tools, and at least three handymen. In you want to pry open some vitamins and supplements, you will need to purchase many and manifold complicated devices, that cost more than cocaine, and then you will need to devote at least the entirety of an evening, to the task. So that—at last—you may gobble whole fistfuls, of St. John's Wort, and Valerian Root, and Melatonin, and the like, in hopes you will then remain sufficiently calm, so as not to blow out a valve, or your aorta, the next time you try, to get into some American packaging.

And the American packaging, it has killed far more people, than ever did the original Tylenol poisoner. Tennessee Williams, for instance, he became so enraged, at his inability to open a simple bottle of aspirin, that finally he began wildly gnawing on the lid with his teeth. He then aspirated the cap, and commenced to choke to death. The world, it was deprived of another decade or two of Blanches and Big Daddys. Because the fear-crazed Americans. They insanely shield their aspirin. Better than they do the shit. They shoot up into space.

I remember once I was at my brother's, and he was trying to get into some American packaging. After several minutes of futile effort, he began muttering quietly, but intensely. This was never a good sign, with my brother. And, sure enough, he suddenly went for this huge knife, sheathed at his belt, and with it began savagely stabbing, the American packaging. I don't remember what was actually in the American packaging. But I do remember, that it was totally destroyed. I also remember that, my brother, he said he didn't care. Because, at least, he felt better. A year or so on, he called to tell me he had been wholly unable to extract a leg of lamb, from its American packaging. "So I used the 12 gauge," he told me. "Then I had to pick the beads out. But there were still all these goddam tiny shreds of plastic, embedded in the meat. Finally, I gave up, and threw it over the fence, for the neighbor's dog. All day, the fucker chews wood, and stuffed animals—he always goes first for the eyes—so I figure he can probably digest plastic."

All of the law jockeys, to this day, they claim, that they do not know, who it was—that unutterable freak—who put the cyanide, there in the Tylenol.

But I know.

It was The Hairball.

Don't take calcium if you have blue eyes

And, don't let anyone in future persuade you, otherwise

heart size does matter

old friend on the hill over tea,

perturbing, very, why

or is it a hyper state

paranoia?

Do people forgive,

do I?

The heart loves walking.

Which surgeon?

Surgery booked, mid-September

"Someone from the family's got to be there during the operation."

Why Mom?