So today I figured I'd share a bit of my Stand-up Material... Yeah, I do it, but not often, and usually only when I get a babysitter and open mic night to line up properly...

So, I present you, The ABC routine:

There's an old saying "It will be a great day when the schools get all the funding they need and the Army has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber."

You ever stop and think what that would actually look like?

"OK GENTLEMEN, today we will be doing baking in accordance with DD27152-12, manual is available for further study if you need it! We are gonna be moving fast.

"First, everyone should have been issued a BC-001 Baking Apron (Frilled). Does anyone not... Roger, I see we have a problem, Sergeant, Apron that man!"

"Now, You all have been issued one 16269 Bowl, Food/Mixing! Good."

"Everyone was issued a direct order to procure 2 Large AA grade Eggs from store. Do you have your eggs? Hold them Up! FRANKS, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR EGGS?

"My wife forgot to get them at the market."

"Well, for your sake, when you're BLEEDING OUT on the field because you don't have enough ammunition, I hope your fucking wife is HAPPY because YOU did not follow up properly! GET YOUR ASS UP HERE. Thirty Push-ups!"

"NOW THAT That's taken care of. We will proceed to the breaking of the shell. Three cracks are specified, and we will all follow through, striking the largest portion of the egg with the rim of the bowl. On my Mark. Three, Two, One... Mark."

"Right. Deposit your shell into the hazardous materials bin, and return to your work station. Quickly, quickly, I do NOT INTEND TO BE HERE All day, goddammit!"

"Now hold up your whisk. Fuck... Jacobs, where the hell's your whisk? You know what, FUCK it, I don't even want to know. Improvise son, IMPROVISE."

"Can I use the buffer spring from my M-4?"

"Well, la-te-da, somebody read the fucking manual. YES YOU CAN USE YOUR BUFFER SPRING, GET ON IT! I'm not your daddy, ya moron!"

--- Just a taste of course... I really need to do the voice on the "I'm a little Teapot" Cadence...

Moving along to the News today from the international English Speaking Press, because I haven't yet found a press that publishes in Ancient Greek...

I'm starting to lose track of who's supposed to be on whose side anymore. I THINK Turkey's supposed to be the Good Guys, which would make the folks bombing them the bad guys... Except that I remember very clearly being told by my officers that the Kurds were the Good Guys, and they're allied with the Bad Guys in this instance. This is what happens when you're trying to be on everybody's side at the same time.

Remember how we used to joke that South America was all corrupt officials and the people were dumb because they went along with it. Well, looks like Brazil is making us look like the idiots now. Yup. With all the corruption swirling around, their politicians are actually resigning, heads are being sought and things are getting ugly. Ever since Ford Started the Pardon of the Month club that our politicians have become fervent subscribers to... Starting to think that the Presidential Pardon might be the thing to get rid of. I mean, it's not like they'd ever give it to somebody like Snowden...

And it's so nice that our government has its agreement with the major pharmaceutical companies not to ever stop the price gouging. They have to make up the loss they are starting to suffer in every other major developing nation... Actually, is it a loss if you just aren't allowed to make an absolute killing via monopoly anymore? And are we even allowed to CALL it a monopoly, because lord knows we haven't prosecuted anybody for it in long enough.

And believe it or not, we could have the first president to govern from prison, in theory. Yup, according to the legal experts, there's absolutely nothing stopping her from running if she's indicted. I guess the question is, can she pardon herself if found guilty and elected? And according to the internet, the answer on that one is yes. So Theoretically, Hillary could be indicted, be found guilty, get elected, and then pardon herself on her first day in office. If that isn't a story worthy of Rowan Atikinson, I don't know what is...

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91DSNL1BEeY]

And with that in mind, here's a little music. I'm into all sorts, so I hope folks don't mind a little more Knopfler today, because it's what's on my mind.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NwHjrD_v8E][video:https://www.youtube.c...

So thanks for tuning in, enjoy your Sunday and hope the weather is great for you where ever you end up.