Don't get me wrong, I know how much money you've spent trying to tell me how great you are. I understand how you've arranged an entire intervention with your friends to tell me why I need to give you a second chance. I get how much you think you deserve this.

But here's the thing. It's not you. It's me.

At this point in my life as a country, I need somebody who's going to be dependable. I need stability in my life. I need to have the planet fixed up, and the infrastructure taken care of. You're not the person who can do that for me.

I mean, you're still hanging out with your Saudi and Wall Street Friends. They're giving you lots of fun presents, and I know you've been telling me how great the work you're doing with it is. Here's the thing Though... I don't see any of the money you tell me about here in our neighborhoods. It all seems to be sent over to the defense contractors house, or the lobbyists house, or the fossil fuel house, while the kids are stuck eating ramen and praying we don't get sick, because we don't have enough money in the national checking account for a doctor.

So, maybe it is you, a little. Maybe there's some behaviors that you do that I can no longer enable. Because you keep telling me that It's my fault the relationship sucks, and I wonder why in god's name you'd want to stay in a relationship with a "Loser" like me if it really is all my fault. You keep going on and on about how it's MY friends that are wrong. I mean, I like the Environmentalists, the Peaceniks, the Poor and the Union members. I know you think they're all just conspiring against you, but be honest, do you REALLY think they all get together and bitch about you? I mean, what's the benefit? What good is it for all of us to really just hate on YOU?

Look, I get it Hillary. You think your life isn't complete without us. You need us. Well, the truth is that we don't really need you anymore. We had a few fun years when you got dressed up as a progressive and we were really into that. However, you weren't very convincing, and I know it was more of a game to you then a lifestyle choice. It hurts, especially when you spent all that money on the outfits, to have to admit that it's just not fun to play along with you when you really don't get the rules of the progressive game.

So really, I just can't stay in a relationship with somebody who puts me down, belittles me, and takes me for granted. Your honeymoon behavior is nice, but I've noticed that you never say nice things about ME when you try to sweet talk me. You always say nice things about yourself, and then call me names. And that hurts. Really it hurts. Especially when you get your media friends to try to guilt me into saying nice things about you that you want to hear.

And to be straight with you, I don't really like your tough woman act. Yeah, I'm into that kind of thing in James Cameron movies, but you haven't quite got it. I like a woman who stands her ground and doesn't fight when she doesn't have to. I like people who are tough because of circumstances, not because of mindless aggression and trying to prove that she's a badass. Honestly I don't like men who pull that crap either.

So, I'm leaving you Hillary. Don't bother calling and asking for money, because I know you don't need it. And NO, I'm not going over to the Republican's house, so don't look for me there. Yes, I know you aren't as bad as they are and they'd beat me worse, and that's why I'm going to a place where I'm not going to get beaten at all. And why do you care where I go? I thought I was an Idiot who would come crawling back eventually...

For your information, I'm going to get my own place. I have a few friends who are thinking about coming over and we might... I don't CARE about the Election infrastructure at your place, we'll be fine... As I was saying, Bernie and Jill were talking about maybe coming over, and we might have a barbecue. No, you're not welcome. No, neither are your friends if all they want to talk about is how stupid we are for having a party without you.

I didn't want this to end angry, Hillary, but you're just not getting the message. I'm calling my lawyer about a restraining order. No, it's not ok because of who you are.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWhpk-8QLFQ]