With a Ready Smile and Sparkling Eyes
That was my dad, until dementia got the better part of him.
As my dad's dementia progressed so did the loss of sparkle and life in his face. His family, who knew him so well could still feel the most subtle sparks of that spirit until the end. What carried him through the sometimes obvious, and sometimes oblivious (to him) condition was the love of his family.
I believe all people, including those we don’t love, are deserving of respect and dignity, at least at some point in their life; hopefully before the end. It is something that in itself could spark a change of heart, in even the most unprincipled. We are all vulnerable and imperfect, and until we acknowledge that and respond graciously, we will never overcome our vulnerability in a dignified way.
Comments
Wonderful memories
Cherish them.
Having been during the death of a relative, when such passing is natural, is an honor.
Your honor will be having friends and relatives at your bedside when you die.
Die at home, if you possibly can. Have those you love and who reciprocate that love around you then.
That's my wish
Gracias
Death Has Not Been Kind
But the future looks brighter, so we shall see …
RIP
Thank you for the comfort rip, eom
Joni helps me focus:
As an amusing aside (my profile pict) is of the same vintage as the above song and it keeps me grounded. From a solid past a future unfolds.
On the other hand, I have reason to be optimistic. About a month ago my (third grader) granddaughter was exposed to a Rubik's Cube. It turns out that the school's librarian had introduced the cube to some of the older kids and they started having competitions. Natalie is a bit OCD with respect to working out puzzles and quickly developed an approach to solving the puzzle.
Fast forward to today: I, just two hours ago, learned that the older kids have recently been scrambling their cubes and asking her to solve them. When she returns the puzzle to its original configuration they hand her a quarter. She has become something of a local celebrity, or they (the older kids) are involved in running a clever experiment.
I do not know what this all portends but I eagerly await future developments.
RIP
It's wonderful to have a future to believe in.
My solid past includes Joni, but even more so ...
[video:https://youtu.be/qM71N3TchfQ]
[video:https://youtu.be/IEazNNJEcm0]
Live, from New York
I admit to having trouble with showing respect and dignity to those who misuse – and even abuse – those showing frailty and degradation in the autumn of their lives. Whether a family member who takes advantage of the mental condition of a aging sibling or parent, usually for financial or material gain, or one who props up a failing elder for purposes of popularity, fame, or office.
I see this happening with Mr. Biden. One doesn't need to be a medical doctor to access his condition; it's plain to see. And it is sad indeed. But it is something other than sad to see those surrounding him push him forward, or even perhaps egg him on – should his will be such that he truly desires to seek office. And now comes the "stuttering" excuse. People who are close enough to him to have made this meme stick are close enough to know the truth. You can bet they are not even fooling themselves. They don't care. For them, Biden is a vehicle ... and a temporary, disposable vehicle at that. Perhaps he isn't even a vehicle as much as a spare tire, mounted when the main tire has picked up a nail. Disposed of once a proper new tire is installed.
I've pretty much refrained from making attacks on Biden due to his condition. I find it distasteful, and I hope I haven't done it at all. Politically, he is not anyone I'd vote for and his mental condition is such that he has no business running for even the local city parks board. I can say plenty about his voting history and standing for some of the worst that America has to offer. That's fair. He chose to have his hand out for the corporations and turn his face away from the people. I've no qualms about attacking on that front. It's deserved.
That his mental condition is showing clear and obvious signs of deterioration is something that should be pointed out and all need to be made aware of it. But, I cannot go so far as to make jokes about it. In fact, it isn't funny to me whatsoever. I, too, have seen this happen to people. They didn't choose it. Maybe they were carpenters, nurses, lawyers, or refuse haulers. Maybe they were begging at a city street intersection. It's not something anyone chose, nor would they. All were vulnerable. All are vulnerable. All are imperfect.
So, I don't blame Biden, but I do blame those propping him up like a wooden Indian or something.
Should Biden face Trump, even Trump will not be stupid enough to attack Biden on this front. I suspect he will most certainly address it, though. He'll get a lot more mileage from a public show of sympathy ... most likely on live television with Biden standing a few feet from him. It's not really all that hard to imagine. Trump is a master of this type thing and probably needs do no more than that; Biden will do the rest all by himself. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to see Trump attack those close to Biden and accuse them of his abuse. In that, he wouldn't be too far off base. America would likely agree.
Thank you for your response, traveler
It is very discerning and well-stated. I agree with much you have addressed. I think I need more time to consider it all in context of my more narrow post.
In the meantime, enjoy NY.
love is all you need
well, maybe you need a few other things, like food, shelter and a few shekels. But they are better with love. Love has the power to make the bad things bearable, and the good things great. I have a hard time grasping the lack of compassion for other humans on display these days. Touching post, thank you Janis.
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
both - Albert Einstein
dystopian, pure poetry
Love has the power to make the bad things bearable, and the good things great.
That's at least as good as, Love is all you need ; ).
protect yourselves from cognitive decline
Dr Georgia Ede uses nutrition to prevent and improve cognitive decline...
20 min
[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5As0nmba4r8]
Georgia Ede MD, super-knowledgeable psychiatrist and specialist in diet and health - access all of her great insights at https://www.diagnosisdiet.com/
And to understand why this isn't common understanding try this one.
Georgia Ede, MD, is a nutritional psychiatrist who is “passionate about the care — the proper care and feeding of the human brain,” she tells the audience at a CrossFit Health event on Dec. 15, 2019. During her presentation, Ede delineates the various ways authoritative bodies such as the USDA and World Health Organization, through their spread of unscientific dietary guidelines that are rife with misinformation, have complicated her efforts to help patients eat healthfully. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbNDrcoRi8g
I'm saddened to see folk with type 2 diabetes who don't understand nor accept it is curable with diet. These functional doctors are calling Alzheimer Type 3 diabetes.
Thanks for the story about your Dad, and your call to respect everyone.
“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”
Hi there Lookout
In the latest newsletter from Mind Matters/Dementia Auckland, there is a page titled, Dementia, Fasting And Ketogenic Diets. NZ is carrying out a study on the subject.
Just having been through
the death of my mom's husband from Alzheimer's, I support you and agree with you.
I will say--with hopes of not hijacking this essay--that one of the reasons I'm upset about the current political situation is that I find it very upsetting to watch a person suffering from dementia used for political purposes.
"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha
"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver
Not at all, CStM
“—with hopes of not hijacking this essay—“
It was the state of democratic politics that got me thinking in the first place.
In retrospect, I have learned more about hand-washing than anything else ; ).
I also thank you for your touching essay.
And thanks for all of the thoughtful comments.
My sweet tiny Italian mother-in-law has dementia. She is fortunate to live in a house with 5 other women and receives good care. My husband's brother lives close and he and his wife visit her often. My husband and I live 70 miles away so we visit as often as we can. We just sit with her and she colors. We bring a new coloring book and pack of colored pencils each visit. Occasionally she will ask the same question. This last time it really hit home to me that just being with her was the most important thing we could do. When it was time to leave she said, "I have just had the best time with you."
Marilyn
"Make dirt, not war." eyo
'Just being there’
The best three words ever. Thank you Marilyn.
My thoughts are with you, jb.
On my Dad's lap - mid '60's.
Mom, Dad, one cousin, six kids and Gramma.
My Dad
1929 - 2012
(alzheimer's)
Compensated Spokes Model for Big Poor.
“On my Dad’s lap”, beautiful GLS
Thank you for your reflection, and sharing it here where another dimension of ‘family’ also lives. Especially, thank you for honouring personally and in general those who helped us thrive.