@lotlizard Rankles my feathers. The little smarmy shit makes me want to commit mayhem. Conflicted, funk him!

In a rare moment of honesty about the long-term Zionist goal, in this column from 2003 Ben Shapiro calls for ethnic cleansing of all Palestinians from the West Bank.

https://townhall.com/columnists/benshapiro/2003/08/27/transfer-is-not-a-...

It’s okay, he argues, because Churchill at the end of World War II agreed to driving out the entire German population east of the Oder River.

@riverlover My heart is heavy. Christmas is coming. My father passed Christmas day, and Sue's grandmother passed 12/26. Now dealing with Christmas without Sue and an emotionally disturbed adult child. Christmas just makes it worse.

Falling is not good. You may not want to hear it, but you need to stay on the first floor. Or a change of venue. My house has a ranch floor plan with finished attic. When Sue was sick, we ended up spending her IRA, from a pension roll over modifying the house. Offset door hinges, ramp for the front steps, remove all area rugs and full bathroom redo.

Sue had fallen and broke her femur, November 4, 2015. At the time, she was walking with a cane. Afterwards, she walked, a little, with a walker. Then lived in a wheelchair, from ~April 2016 until succumbing January 31, 2017. The point is, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. With help, you need to modify your living space, or go to a new space.

Deep breath. The will to live, and giving up, are pivotal to your life expectancy. With ALS, as I suspect with your infirmities, there is no win. I watched, and helped, my Sweetie fight the whole way to the end. She lost the battle, but never quit fighting.

Imagine, having someone else lift you from bed, place you on the toilet, bath you, brush your teeth, diaper you, dress you, medicate you, feed you, turn the pages of a newspaper/book for you, ... I could see how someone could give up, but she never did.

Living alone, is not good. Have you looked into Medicare hospice? It is a sub-category of Medicare. All "comfort giving" medications are covered 100%. That includes treating infection, which causes discomfort, but not treatment of disease. Meds are sent to the house. We had a nurse practitioner come by once per week, and a CNA come by three times a week to help with bathing/personal hygiene. It is need based and can be everyday. I choose three times a week, so I could let Sue sleep later on the off days.

The alone thing, is most bothersome. As Sue was declining, I was working on some big projects and traveling quite a bit. There was an incident, while she was still walking, where she fell on the front walk and could not get back up or up the front steps. Luckily, she still had enough function to use her cell phone, and call for help. She spent a couple of hours, on the ground and in the dark, before one of the kids came by to help.

That incident cemented my decision to leave the work force, to care for her. I received considerable counseling, from brain washed colleagues, on hiring someone and continuing to work. It was bad advice, and contrary to my value system. I love Sue more than money or work, and I am tough/smart/empathetic enough to do the job. Moreover, caring for Sue is the most rewarding and uplifting thing I have ever done.

Is there a local support group? It is very helpful to interact with people facing the same challenges. People come up with rather ingenious ways to accommodate handicaps and willingly share. When we were getting ready to remodel the bathroom, I hijacked a support group meeting to talk about bathroom mods. It was a good thing. I was worried about falls and bathing. After discussion, I had learned that the #1 priority was operating space. There needed to be space for two people and a Hoyer lift. I changed the remodel plan accordingly.

Looking at the end of the road is depressing. My latest Rx's cause side effects which I am not tolerating well. I am not ready for Christmas, gifts still in boxes in my damned car, unwrapped, not even sorted as to recipient. I blame much on increasing amounts of sleeplessness. Exacerbated by having to pee every 2 hours overnight. Daily exhaustion is a sequel. Plus (literally) stumbling around is scary and off-putting. My house is full of stairs, life-in-hand every time. Most of my falls have been on the stairs.

To top things off, my sister-in-law is demented as well, and has now hooked up with a Lyme disease specialist who has announced she has bacteria and molds and yeast in her body. In inappropriate places, I guess. And Epstein-Barr virus, which she thinks causes CFS. A vortex of bad news about her, her, her. I cannot deal with her neediness now. Never could.

White on the ground but rain expected later today. Back to brown. Bah, humbug.

Edit for bad grammar.

@mhagle I view myself as practical, rather than wise. Although, I have been around the block enough times that I should have gathered some wisdom. Perhaps the wisdom is understanding that some stuff just does not matter, is none of my business or is to be circumvented.

But I always read your OT and take in your wisdom. And feel your sorrow. It's an important part of my week. Thank you.

@Raggedy Ann I have an incorrigible. He does not deal well with stress, and when overwhelmed turns to alcohol. The people who advise cutting him off, or advocate especially tough love, confound me. It seems to me, that modus operandi would be counter productive.

He is currently rather agitated. I know the root cause is our trip to Denver, and co-residing with a bunch of other people. He acted out and got sent home from work yesterday. Add my sisters two bible thumping girls and FTW boy, plus my sister and spouse#3 being in conflict over his vote last September. We could have a combustible mix.

My sister asked me to mentor her boy, because he likes me. All I could say was, "Are you sure that is what you want? I have a bad attitude." Part of the young man's problem is that the kids were immersed in the Evangelical thing and he has decided to walk away. I support that decision, but I do not think the rest of them will be down with, "And on the seventh day man created God".

Thank goodness we are only a couple of blocks from the dispensary. I plan to hide there, in the mornings. I think I will head out, later in the day, and finally try Caviar.

Good luck with reconciliation. Just like conflict, it takes two to tango.

I got to sleep in because I started my two week vacation.

I'm concerned for Riverlover's health and safety. You had some good advice, Tim.

Your essay touched a nerve with me. Life and everything in it is a choice. I have suffered through everything you described. I recently told a friend that I didn't like who I was becoming at TOP, because I was engaging in ugly with the folks there. I found myself choosing that road again, here, in the sexual harassment discussions. When I recognized it, I chose to walk away from those essays. I choose not to walk down the road of hurtful, irreparable conflict with my fellow c99p family. Thank you for this reminder.

Going to start my cooking today. My daughter and SIL will arrive later. I'm grateful because we are in the process of repairing a conflict-induced split from five years ago. At 65, with however much more life I have left, I want pleasant relationships with my kids, not ones filled with hurt feelings and separation.

Have a beautiful day and weekend, folks.

@Lookout My kids played and cheered Pop Warner. Pop Warner conducts their national competition @ the theme parks in Orlando. Every trip to Orlando challenged my composure. Something about people yanking little children by the arm! It took strength not to run up to somebody and say, "How would you like me to yank your arm?". To your point, it would be better to say, "Careful, it is easy to hurt a child".

I wish riverlover would get someone to live with her. How about a college kid/grad student where you could help each other? Please take care yourself.

As to conflicts and Tim's topic, I avoid them unless I think they serve a function. Rarely do argument change peoples minds...in fact seems like they usually re-enforces pre-held views. Kinda like talking religion with someone.

On the other hand, if I see outrageous behavior, I call it out. Having been a teacher for decades it is natural for me when kids are involved, but more difficult with adults. It is nice being older now where the role of curmudgeon is accepted.

I raised hell in my bank for running Faux news 24/7. They stopped (all TV in fact). I find asking people questions rather than telling them things works best. "Does your child behave better when you yell at them?" rather than "You shouldn't yell at your child." seems more effective.

As to political disagreements...it's much like religion, difficult to make headway against the misinformation they are fed as news.

Well I hope you all have a good first full day of winter. It's gray here as is common this time of year. All the best to all of you!

@mhagle Was a stay at home dad.

Last month I followed an online course that focused on choosing to act from our deepest most treasured values, like kindness|truth|gratitude, etc. The presenter opened with quoting David Brooks of the NYT.

ABOUT once a month I run across a person who radiates an inner light. These people can be in any walk of life. They seem deeply good. They listen well. They make you feel funny and valued. You often catch them looking after other people and as they do so their laugh is musical and their manner is infused with gratitude. They are not thinking about what wonderful work they are doing. They are not thinking about themselves at all.

When I meet such a person it brightens my whole day. But I confess I often have a sadder thought: It occurs to me that I’ve achieved a decent level of career success, but I have not achieved that. I have not achieved that generosity of spirit, or that depth of character.

It is from a book he wrote recently, but the entire passage the presenter read is in this article.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/04/12/opinion/sunday/david-brooks-the-moral...

We all know that David Brooks is a republican centrist commentator, but this article is pretty blame cool.

@orlbucfan When I was caring for Sue, I very quickly learned to accept help. One of her co-workers came by once a week and sat with her for a couple of hours, so I could go to the gym. Others would come by, and I would go grocery shopping. Companionship and safety are only the tip of the iceberg. I refused to prop Sue in front of the television. May days, I loaded her into the van to go sit by Falls Lake or walk her along the Nuese River.

I know the restful sleep depravation thing too well. I get maybe 5 hours and some daytime loss of lucidity.

Here's one of my favorite Holiday tunes. Enjoy, stay warm and safe, fellow c99ers!

I, too, am concerned about riverlover. That is excellent advice you gave her, Tim. I concur 100% having taken care of elderly relatives professionally, myself. As you and others have pointed out: she can not afford to be by herself, now. I hope she will listen. Her lack of restful sleep is very bad. Anywho, Rec'd!!

@enhydra lutris

Computing the Uncomputable Rado Sigma Function
An Automated, Symbolic Induction Prover for Nonhalting Turing Machines

daily these days, but it's all good. It just makes my event timing all wonky.

Haven't checked your tunes yet, new musician for me, it will be interesting, thanks. Thanks too for the wonderful advice to riverlover, and, as time passes, to all of us. When my wife and I first hooked up and started home shopping we avoided split-level, multistory, or partly yup a hillside with stairs in anticipation of aging. It will come to us all.

Perhaps the wisdom is understanding that some stuff just does not matter, is none of my business or is to be circumvented.

BINGO!!

When I was in school, a buddy and I somewhat founded an irrelevance based school of philosophy. Platonic ideals? They can't interact with you and vice-versa, by definition. They can't be proved or disproved, by definition. You can't alter them and they can't impact you. Ergo, fuck 'em, they are totally irrelevant to your life. As you tiptoe through the history of all of the "great questions" you'll find that a great many are susceptible to the same analysis and approach. Noumina, gods, etc? Call me when they show up at the door. Aesthetics? If you could define and specify art it wouldn't be art. And on and on and on.

That, of course, doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to influence or change what you can for the better, or to rage against the storm with respect to what can and should be changed, even if ineffectually, to demonstrate a withholding of consent, but you need to pick your targets. If your mayor or senator or neighbor does bad shit, you need to let them know, in a constructive manner, but if it starts to rain, let it.

Ok, time to lissen.