Coffee and Accountability V

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It’s my birthday!

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We are now into the waxing part of the moon cycle.

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March started on a waning moon, so I started by taking things out of my life—or at least diminishing them. I cut restaurant meals down by half, and started drinking Cheerwine no more than every other day. I also cut my computer gaming time, though I didn’t track by how much. Really, I was doing less screen time because I started doing more of everything else—cooking, going out with my mom, working in the yard, continuing The Great Purge of my belongings.

And that’s the lesson I learned from these two weeks. In order to take away behaviors and substances with the greatest efficiency and verve, you have to put in other behaviors and substances to take up the space where they were. That’s pretty obvious, I guess, but I never really thought about it that way before. When writing this, a quotation from Frances Hodgson Burnett’s The Secret Garden kept coming back to me:

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“Where you tend a rose, my lad,
A thistle cannot grow.”
--Frances Hodgson Burnett

The most clunkheadedly obvious example of this was that, if I wasn’t going to eat restaurant food, I needed to cook. (I figured that out after a week. Duh.) A rather lucky and cool example came from Kate’s discovery of Ginger Shots—a combination of ginger and lemon juice in a little glass bottle—which gave me a stimulating boost similar to that of Cheerwine. It does have a bit of sweetener in it, but far less than soda does!

When it comes to computer gaming, it’s a tougher row to hoe. The screen time allows me to sink into an alternate reality for a few hours. It’s hard to bring the need to be mentally elsewhere into balance. Being “away” too much is easily as bad as too little, and both tend to increase my anxiety. And there’s the rub:

Over the same two weeks that I’ve been reducing salt, sugar, bad cooking medium and screen time (and probably also reducing calories), I’ve been very anxious as well. I’m guessing that I use things like soda, restaurant food, and computer games to tamp down my anxiety; if that’s true, it makes sense that reducing soda and the rest of it would result me feeling more anxiety.

I’m finding it’s not enough to reduce the bad habits. Once I reduce them, I run into the thoughts that inspired them, and then I have to confront those demons and turn them into angels or ashtrays: either transforming them into something positive or banishing them to inconsequence. So the creation of the positive, the addition of the positive, is one thing—probably the most important thing—that enables the elimination of the negative. It’s not the traditional notion of will power or strength of character. You aren’t resisting temptation by exerting your moral musculature. It’s more like choosing to turn down one road rather than another. It does require a bit of will power to choose to turn a different way, but it’s more a question of noticing and shifting habits of thought.

Maybe that’s why my mind kept reminding me of The Secret Garden. I went back to look at the context of the “thistle and rose” quotation:

So long as Colin shut himself up in his room and thought only of his fears and weakness and his detestation of people who looked at him and reflected hourly on humps and early death, he was a hysterical half-crazy little hypochondriac who knew nothing of the sunshine and the spring and also did not know that he could get well and could stand upon his feet if he tried to do it. When new beautiful thoughts began to push out the old hideous ones, life began to come back to him, his blood ran healthily through his veins and strength poured into him like a flood. His scientific experiment was quite practical and simple and there was nothing weird about it at all. Much more surprising things can happen to any one who, when a disagreeable or discouraged thought comes into his mind, just has the sense to remember in time and push it out by putting in an agreeable determinedly courageous one. Two things cannot be in one place.

(By the way, I thought Burnett was quoting some Victorian author like Ruskin or one of the other social commentators of the nineteenth century, but in fact, she appears to be only quoting herself. I did not know of her interest in Christian Science and Mary Baker Eddy. Also by the way, I myself am not a follower of Mary Baker Eddy. I think things are a bit more complicated than good thoughts=good results. On the other hand, I think she was on to something, if you cease to make her ideas absolutes).

It’s not as simple as it sounds to shift your thoughts to the positive. In fact, it presents a seriously complex challenge to me, because I don’t want to engage in lies or denial. I have to find a way to balance my desire to record and speak the truth with my desire to create and focus on the positive. That’s difficult but that’s my challenge for this year: to learn at least one thing that advances me toward that balance.

Happy birthday to me! I wish we could all share a drink, and some much less serious thoughts than these.

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Comments

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

So I will be away for a bit. But I'll be back!

Talk among yourselves...

Smile

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"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

Raggedy Ann's picture

Happy Birthday!

My move is going well, but moving is overwhelming, nonetheless. I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful it feels to be in my own space. No pressure. Just me to contend with. Love it!

Enjoy the day! Pleasantry

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16 users have voted.

"The “jumpers” reminded us that one day we will all face only one choice and that is how we will die, not how we will live." Chris Hedges on 9/11

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@Raggedy Ann

I've been in terrible living situations before, and there are few things as wonderful as that feeling of relief when you move out of the bad air that relationships can sometimes create.

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14 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

Lookout's picture

My friend, Tina Liza Jones wrote this one...
[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATrVhT7eB3Q]

Hope you have a great day!

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12 users have voted.

“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@Lookout

There's a B&B located in a restored Victorian house in my town that puts on teas. I scheduled one for us, in our own separate room. It'll be the first time I've taken off my mask in a building other than my mom's house or my house in over a year.

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15 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

@Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal First off, best wishes for your birthday. I am feeling very restless at the moment and know part of it is wanting to get out and do something! My sister in Michigan will have had both her shots as of Wednesday and we are now talking about a road trip somewhere between Austin and Ann Arbor. We did this before riding the train from Austin to Chicago and on to Ann Arbor.
Hope this day is beautiful for you and keep on with your search for new places for your mind to wander. Mine is bouncing on the walls and flitting from activity to activity to find a place to divert some of my energy!

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9 users have voted.

Life is what you make it, so make it something worthwhile.

This ain't no dress rehearsal!

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@jakkalbessie

I wish now I'd taken pictures, but I'm still not used to using my phone as a camera.

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5 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@Lookout

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5 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

Lookout's picture

@Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal

with a bunch of big band jazz too. But the 60's called and the folk revival bit me.

I appreciate almost all types of music. Don't like to live in a box. However, what I've noticed is the music I listen to is what starts coming out of my instrument. It is a stream.

Have a lovely dinner!

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6 users have voted.

“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@Lookout

I wish somebody had sung that song to me when I was 7 years old.

And that's some beautiful dulcimer.

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8 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

Lookout's picture

@Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal

I don't know the verses. Too bad Tina isn't singing it on youtube. There's a whole monologue to start it when she does her own song.

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5 users have voted.

“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

to enjoy your special day.
An evocative story delving into the + and -
of life's rituals.

Cheers!

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Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@QMS

It's been a pretty good one so far.

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3 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

usefewersyllables's picture

On a less pleasant note, we're reeling a little bit here from yesterday's Boulder mass-freedoming. One of my wife's best friends had a sibling who was murdered in a King Soopers north of Denver about 10 years ago (botched robbery), so there's a strong dose of PTSD active there. We're trying to do what little we can to help them cope.

I guess that it is the new American condition: sooner or later, everyone will have a close friend or relative who has been killed in a mass freedoming, just as everyone will have a close friend or relative who died of Covid, or in military service in the unending wars. There's been a lot of unexpected death very close at hand over the past year.

On a happier note, both my wife and I found the symptoms from the initial Pfizer jab to be very manageable- injection site soreness, chills the next night, low level fatigue for a day. So after the first week of April, we'll be immunized, for whatever that is worth.

We will still have to go to the grocery store now and then, though.

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10 users have voted.

Twice bitten, permanently shy.

wendy davis's picture

@usefewersyllables

ten dead? OMG. and mr. wd saw a headline about shootings on either goss or grove street. i remember the neighborhood well.

i lived in table mesa on that road that goes up to NCAR for a year or so. how strange to hear there's a King Soopers there now. hard to hear, but understandable, that this one had kicked up some PTSD for you.

best to both you and ms. usefewersyllables.

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Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@usefewersyllables

Don't know what to say about the rest except that I'm sorry that happened.

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4 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

Jen's picture

My son came to see me a few days ago. He told me my computer has been off for 301 days (according to Steam). So that means my granddaughter had been home for 301 days. Before she came home, my computer stayed on at least 12 hours every day, sometimes more. Then when she got here, I moved my computer in the bedroom and have been meaning to hook it back up but just haven't gotten around to it yet. I still play games on my phone, but I can't dump hour after hour into phone games like I could on my computer.

That may also be the reason I can't seem to figure out how to post pictures here anymore. It was pretty easy on the computer, but over my head on the phone.

Anyway, I hope you have a great birthday, cstms! You deserve it. Smile

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11 users have voted.

Is it great yet?

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@Jen

Although it's great to have you here, it's probably also a good sign that you forgot your computer for that long. Smile

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4 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

Cassiodorus's picture

And, while you do your taxes for 2020 before whatever mid-April deadline, here's a cheery thought:

High-Income Tax Avoidance Far Larger Than Thought, New Paper Estimates

Yep! While we pay ours, the rich don't pay theirs. (As long as we're talking accountability...)

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10 users have voted.

"there's something so especially sadistic about waving the flag of a country that you're actively destroying" -- Aaron Mate

@Cassiodorus

My accountant has become unaccountable lately.
I hear they have shifted the filing deadline to mid May.
Seems it is taking a bit longer to do stimulus v 2.o
Gives the broken postal people longer to deliver the
silly debit cards so the gubmit can get their money back.

Sheesh, what a scam.

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Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@Cassiodorus

Grand Cayman Islands ain't foolin' no one, Jack."

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4 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

Granma's picture

Going out to tea sounds like a great treat.
May this coming year be a terrific one in your life.

Thanks for the thought provoking accountability discussion. I'm going to ponder further a couple of the ideas you mentioned.

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Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@Granma

I'd love to hear whatever you come up with.

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4 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

wendy davis's picture

or perhaps 'a very unbirthday to you! (and us)

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdsZT7WKjW8]

good on ya for down-sizing your possessions; they can start seeming as they own one instead of the reverse, can't they? back in the day, we used to have pot-luck give-aways, with one long table full of Very Nice Stuff. one to a person was the only rule, iirc.

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Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@wendy davis

I really hate this damned disease.

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4 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

lotlizard's picture

Interesting that the poem posits worship of the marketplace as the polar opposite of wisdom, truth, and what is now called sustainability.

As I pass through my incarnations in every age and race,
I make my proper prostrations to the Gods of the Market Place.
Peering through reverent fingers I watch them flourish and fall,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings, I notice, outlast them all.

We were living in trees when they met us. They showed us each in turn
That Water would certainly wet us, as Fire would certainly burn:
But we found them lacking in Uplift, Vision and Breadth of Mind,
So we left them to teach the Gorillas while we followed the March of Mankind.

We moved as the Spirit listed. They never altered their pace,
Being neither cloud nor wind-borne like the Gods of the Market Place,
But they always caught up with our progress, and presently word would come
That a tribe had been wiped off its icefield, or the lights had gone out in Rome.

With the Hopes that our World is built on they were utterly out of touch,
They denied that the Moon was Stilton; they denied she was even Dutch;
They denied that Wishes were Horses; they denied that a Pig had Wings;
So we worshipped the Gods of the Market Who promised these beautiful things.

When the Cambrian measures were forming, They promised perpetual peace.
They swore, if we gave them our weapons, that the wars of the tribes would cease.
But when we disarmed They sold us and delivered us bound to our foe,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "Stick to the Devil you know."

On the first Feminian Sandstones we were promised the Fuller Life
(Which started by loving our neighbour and ended by loving his wife)
Till our women had no more children and the men lost reason and faith,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "The Wages of Sin is Death."

In the Carboniferous Epoch we were promised abundance for all,
By robbing selected Peter to pay for collective Paul;
But, though we had plenty of money, there was nothing our money could buy,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "If you don't work you die."

Then the Gods of the Market tumbled, and their smooth-tongued wizards withdrew
And the hearts of the meanest were humbled and began to believe it was true
That All is not Gold that Glitters, and Two and Two make Four
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings limped up to explain it once more.

As it will be in the future, it was at the birth of Man
There are only four things certain since Social Progress began.
That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire,
And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire;

And that after this is accomplished, and the brave new world begins
When all men are paid for existing and no man must pay for his sins,
As surely as Water will wet us, as surely as Fire will burn,
The Gods of the Copybook Headings with terror and slaughter return!

 
http://www.kiplingsociety.co.uk/poems_copybook.htm

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6 users have voted.
magiamma's picture

Are we all Aries?

oh wait...

We Are All Airies

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRoKTBGXs6I]

Happy Birthday !!!

bunny birthday.jpg

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Stop Climate Change Silence - Start the Conversation

Hot Air Website, Twitter, Facebook

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@magiamma

spot before.

I'm up to 4 people. There may be more.

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4 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@magiamma

I'm having a pretty good one!

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3 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

mhagle's picture

hippobirdy.jpg

May it be wonderful! I-m so happy

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5 users have voted.

Marilyn

"Make dirt, not war." eyo

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@mhagle

Thanks, Marilyn!

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3 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

travelerxxx's picture

Happy Birthday to you, CStMS!

So nice that you all were able to get out and do something special! That makes it memorable right there.

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Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@travelerxxx We're going to celebrate the entire week. Smile

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3 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver

Seems like you are meeting your goals or standards, and that at coffee/accounting time, you are pretty darn pleased with yourself for the personal responsibility met and improvements made.
Enjoy your friends, make it easy to enjoy yourself!

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"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

Cant Stop the Macedonian Signal's picture

@on the cusp

I haven't exactly met my goals yet. It's an uphill process.

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3 users have voted.

"More for Gore or the son of a drug lord--None of the above, fuck it, cut the cord."
--Zack de la Rocha

"I tell you I'll have nothing to do with the place...The roof of that hall is made of bones."
-- Fiver