And now a word from the people that brought you the TSA

I'm going to try to limit my outrage to two episodes per day--but I'm sadly failing. Maybe, I'll just have to take some of that stuff Hillary uses on her private jet. This article is a tribute to the same organization that brought us 3 hour waits for "security screenings", enough time for those well-vetted baggage-handlers to throughly pilfer your belongings. I don't know about any of you, but slow check-through resulted in my family missing a flight for which we reported 45 minutes in advance. The recommended screening time at that airport was 30 minutes, so we got there early just to be safe. Safe? You bet, didn't we just get vetted by Homeland Security (to be referred to in the rest of this diatribe as HS--a convenient abbreviation for at least one derogatory phrase). My own conclusion is that TSA stands for Thoroughly Stalled Airports.

So thanks to Debbie Lausignan, the Sane Progressive, we learn about the DHS (which of course is the Department of HS) planning to ensure the safe (there's that word again) operation of elections.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrloTS3p-fY]

Yes DHS will promise us safety from Russians hacking our offline voting machines and paper ballots written in invisible ink. No longer will we have to worry about Chinese infiltrators stealthily hiding themselves in voting booths, then disappearing with all those paper ballots which couldn't be hacked. Yes, I have awakened almost nightly with the fear that Comrade Putin will send Cozy Bear (or was it Fancy Bear) to steal our electronic ballots. I get so excited with these thoughts that I forget to check underneath my bed for those lurking Chinese guys. If only they would stop leaving chopsticks in my kitchen, I might never have noticed them.

So we can see that if anyone is going to steal our votes, it's gotta be some red-blooded Amuricans--like the DNC. No we can't have any furinners do that job. No more vote fraud out-sourcing, I say! This is a job most patriotically performed by our own scoundrels.

Listen to Debbie. I think she's got it all wrong. Obama's a Russian. Hillary's a Russian. Bryan Pagliano--he's a Russian. Human Abedin actually had me fooled. I thought she was a Saudi--nah, she's a Russian. So, if those folks really aren't Russians, then we really have nothing to fear. So we let the DHS do what it does best.

Hold on a minute. Did I just say:

let the DHS do what it does best

Now, what exactly does that mean? Does that mean protecting out borders from Mexican Drug Lords? How's that working out. More dope gets into the country from that route than through the Port of Los Angeles. Okay, well, maybe they're not so great at preventing the influx of dope. So what exactly are they good at? We must understand this so that the D of HS can protect the sanctity of the voting booth (from the atheistic Commies who don't believe in prayer).

Oh, yeah. I remember. D of HS is supposed to prevent terrorists of foreign extraction (which excludes Wall Street Banksters from their purview). Now what is the greatest threat of terrorism from the American way besides Hillary Clinton's terrifying terror of Donald Trump? Immigrants--those 11 million illegal (wink, wink) immigrants from south of the Rio Grande taking well-paying minimum wage jobs away from good Amuricans. Oh, you're probably going to say I'm looking in the wrong direction.

See, Hillary has made the U.S. seem much more desirable to middle eastern people by holding a lottery--if you and your family weren't killed by her "business-is-good" wars, then you MIGHT get into the U.S. We know whose job is supposed to ensure these folks get "properly vetted". (That phrase has always seemed a bit odd to me, as if folks had to be checked by a veterinarian.)

So, with the immigration booming due to drone wars, starvation, poison gas, who are the watch-dogs of our security? D of HS.
The ONE thing they were supposed to do besides fuck up airports and steal votes was supposed to be immigration control. So I conclude my diatribe with this recent D of HS report card.

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MsGrin's picture

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'What we are left with is an agency mandated to ensure transparency and disclosure that is actually working to keep the public in the dark' - Ann M. Ravel, former FEC member

thanatokephaloides's picture

Now what is the greatest threat of terrorism from the American way besides Hillary Clinton's terrifying terror of Donald Trump?

That's easy peasy!

The greatest terroristic threat Americans face, which is grown on their own shores, is none other than Hillary Clinton herself!

Diablo

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"US govt/military = bad. Russian govt/military = bad. Any politician wanting power = bad. Anyone wielding power = bad." --Shahryar

"All power corrupts absolutely!" -- thanatokephaloides

Hawkfish's picture

I figured it was the only jobs program we would get out of W...

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We can’t save the world by playing by the rules, because the rules have to be changed.
- Greta Thunberg

I hope no more of these DHS guys are ever allowed near Arabian horses again...

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Kurichan's picture

Who are they keeping safe? Us? Or their own PNAC machinations, trade centers, offices, livelihoods(i.e. MIC)? That sounds like the actual HS they're looking after.

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elenacarlena's picture

can vote? Or public x-rays? Pay if you want to vote faster?

Did you know that as a frequent traveler, you can have a TSA precheck and go through faster lines at participating airports? Only $85 and a complete abandonment of any illusion of privacy. Want to bet this becomes the norm and if you don't do it, you're scrutinized with extra special suspicion? https://www.tsa.gov/precheck

Gotta love an organization that messes something up, then gets you to pay a premium so you don't have to deal with the mess.

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riverlover's picture

My son is pre-checked. But he works in the airline industry and is also authorized to go backside at airports. On the tarmac, with a badge.

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Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.

elenacarlena's picture

or less. Is it already so congested that it takes significantly longer? That would be interesting, if after going through all that it still results in a long line. I would think they'd add extra lanes rather than allow the "fast lanes" to go slow, given that people paid for the privilege.

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Lol, think of what they want to do with the internet! Probably do a division into slow lanes, slower lanes and millionaire express, priced accordingly, in that slow-lane-people probably also pay extra-extra to subsidize the 1%-er lane at airports. (Edit: arranged to be against the non-affluent,) sorta like health care and all sorts of things that ought to be equal-access to the public.

If Homeland Security takes over elections, as has been threatened, will people the NSA think are not voting for the right corporate candidate just get groped more or whisked off to a black site as a terrorist?

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

elenacarlena's picture

Country's going crazy. When we learned history in school we used to think we had become SO advanced and sophisticated that we were over all kinds of violent crap, never again. Sigh.

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Oldest Son Of A Sailor's picture

I'm going to have to take my shoes off before I vote...

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"Do you realize the responsibility I carry?
I'm the only person standing between Richard Nixon and the White House."

~John F. Kennedy~
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