And along came a Johnson.... A pathetic attempt at a political Nursery Rhyme (Or Something)

So I had to come in and cool off for a bit from some yard-work (Frigging EVERYTHING grows so fast in Florida and it's hotter than Satan's Taint out there...)

Took a bong rip and sat here sipping on a giant mug of an Arnold Palmer waiting for my spasms to abate and decided to get silly. Things have been too damn serious.

I hope you like my first attempt at something like this and as it's all just off the cuff and I only spent about 10 minutes on it be gentle.

Actually screw gentle, I got a thick skin, let me have it if you want, lol!

I wrote this just because I really needed to amuse myself and blow off some steam and when I was done I figured screw it, may as well clutter up C99P with it and if it happens to amuse one of you all the better. Wink

If anyone else has a silly one please share it and I will check it out when I next come in to cool off.

Peace love and Twinkies!
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.
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And Along Came a Johnson. (AKA my nursery rhyme for the DNC.)

The Clinton's were set, quite comfortable in their plans

Knowing the DNC would place the Presidency in their hands.

And the media of course, would be their willing tool

As they wouldn't want to violate that old Golden Rule

"If you want to keep those lovely all access passes

Keep your lips planted firmly on both Clinton's asses."

The DNC"s Confidence however, would began to unfold

When their plans to court Republicans failed to take hold.

Because their disgust for Hillary was so incredibly great

Far too many refused to walk through that gate.

As things looked ever bleaker and the leaks became vast

Along came a Johnson, one the Republicans could grasp

The conservative voters lined up but not as they planned

Instead of Clinton they were liking the Libertarian man.

So with much woe (And possibily chagrin?)

The DNC's shouted forth, "Let the courting of the Berners begin!"

Many Berners were shocked at the DNC's request

As they had just shat on Berners and many of our best

Our ballots were countered, our votes negated by DNC hands

So of course we rejected their Unity Demands

They wanted us to be terrified of a great orange lout

while forgetting entirely what Berners are about

The Berners declined and replied with a chant:

"We don't need your Warhawk, some Mrs. No We Can't"

You claim you want unity and for us to move past this

But the rift is too wide for many of the masses

And since you burnt down that bridge and pissed on it's ashes.

Allow me to be the first to say, "Kiss our Collective asses!"

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Comments

little long winded,I prefer short and sweet: Screw the DNC and Hillary. It rhymes if you say it right.
If you have spasms you are dehydrated.Just saying.
My son cut the grass yesterday and by the time he was done it had grown 2 inches.Gotta love living in a humid mess.My yard looks like a djungle and I love it cause I gave up

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" El pueblo unido jamás será vencido. The people united will never be defeated "

Alphalop's picture

Actually I have spasms from a mid thoracic Syringomyelia but potassium depleation via dehydration was certainly a reasonable assumption to make. Smile

I thought about editing it down a bit, but decided I just didn't feel like spending that much time debating what to delete for what was just a silly little time waster to occupy me while waiting to move. Smile

By the time I was done, I was ready to get back at it.

My son cut the grass yesterday and by the time he was done it had grown 2 inches

I hear that, I was just telling the wife, "Ok, almost done the back yard and almost time to start the front yard again..."

I gotta hire a lawn mowing service, but $70 bucks a month? Ouch. That would tough to swing at the present time.

Hmmm, maybe if I became a male prostitute... Lets see, at $2 a trick that would take 35 johns... Sounds like almost as much work....

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

Sorry to hear about your back... I hope that stops being progressive!

Enjoyed your piece, kinda made me think of Dr. Suess updated.

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Alphalop's picture

I always liked Dr, Suess (Even if I strongly suspect he wrote most of that stuff on LSD, lol!)

Unfortunately, the only thing that will prevent it from progressing is advances in Stem Cell research according to my neurosurgeon

Fortunately he is a good one, He was one of the pioneers of the procedure they used on that football player that broke his neck.

I also was one of the earlier recipients of it for mine which I fractured in 3 places as well racing BMX.

They went in through the front of my throat instead of having to cut all the muscles in the back and put in a steel plate and 4 screws, but because of the new approach the healing time was really quite quick and I just have a little scar at the neckline.

I keep hoping that some advances will occur here but because of the religious nutters in congress I may end up having to go to China to fix it, as they are actually making tremendous strides in the field since they don't have stupid laws that stifle research and advancement because, "Jeebus wouldn't like it!".

More and more I feel like I live in a Nation largely composed of irrational, delusional fools.

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

earthling1's picture

I like it.

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Neither Russia nor China is our enemy.
Neither Iran nor Venezuela are threatening America.
Cuba is a dead horse, stop beating it.

Alphalop's picture

I feel like I should throw a goodfellas clip here but am just too lazy.

Time to play some Fallout 4 I think. I will have to wait to finish the rest of this till this evening, with the heat index it's like 103F out right now and not a breeze or cloud in site...

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

vtcc73's picture

was an old video of a singing 'johnson". You among everyone I know on this site probably know it. I'll post a link but only if you want it. The sensitive among us might prefer not.

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"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..."

Alphalop's picture

I doubt many would mind though as long as you include a NSFW disclaimer or something.

It's quite the tolerant bunch here.

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

vtcc73's picture

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"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..."

Alphalop's picture

Yeah, it's probably best that you didn't imbed that, lol!!!

That is wrong on so many levels!!!!!!

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

vtcc73's picture

Wrong? Hell yeah. Bet you're still laughing. Honestly, how many times have you played it and how big is the list of friends about to receive a surprise?

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"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..."

Alphalop's picture

when I made the wife come in and watch it.

Her response, "You guys are fucking weird." Smile

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

vtcc73's picture

but my wife is who sent it to me quite awhile ago as evidenced by the old video format.

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"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..."

Alphalop's picture

in my experience so while she was saying it she was also laughing her ass off. Wink

I imagine shes gonna be asking for it for some of her co-workers shortly, lol!

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

Drat, says I need to activate something or other (which I vaguely recall as having previously had some suspicious problem) to get the video, so I won't - and as probably one possessed of the filthiest mind in the place, I'd probably have had quite a giggle over it.

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

vtcc73's picture

a Windows machine might have it or maybe not. I've refused to update Windows Media Player for the past 4-5 years due to security issues which may be why this stuff still works for me.

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"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..."

Thanks! I know that I've had some warnings about various things so, not being computer savvy, I'm rather nervous about doing certain updates on stuff I don't normally need, since I'd miss using my computer more than I mind missing some things which are generally only for entertainment value anyway. And I see that you're up late again, too, lol.

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Alphalop's picture

It's a classic style media player and comes with all the codecs so you never run into a format you can't play.

Here is the link to the site. I think it is a much better alternative.

Smaller footprint, less MicroSoft worries. Smile

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

vtcc73's picture

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"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..."

I also got poetic yesterday. My Mom sent me this from someone in her apartment complex:

Would Dad Have Voted For Trump?
If the Dems all said he's a chump
No Conservative searcher
Almost a John Bircher
Would Dad have voted for Trump?

And I sent this back:

My Dad wouldn't have voted for Trump
His craziness spewed from the stump

The hate and fake wealth
Dad 'd see through himself.

Dad wouldn't have voted for Trump!

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Alphalop's picture

It feels good to laugh, it was very hard to do so for some time now.

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

Lol, that's terrific! You've waxed poetic to a high shine!

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Alphalop's picture

I gotta give credit to my little green friend where it's due, Wink

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

detroitmechworks's picture

Is they're OFTEN willing to acknowledge that other third parties should be in the debates.

It ain't perfect, but TBH, I think that they have more faith in the democratic Process than R or D's.

As I joked with one of my friends on twitter about this very issue:

The Enemy of my Enemy is my Ally. For NOW. Until we can get the placed cleaned up enough to have an honest fight.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Well, they sort of have to, if they want to make a case about their guy getting in... and they probably haven't been watching the Dems or Repubs closely enough to lose faith in the democratic process.

Other than that, I'll restrain myself from make any obvious jokes about their candidate's name, who obviously couldn't be any more of a dick than the two corporate candidates... ooooops...

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Alligator Ed's picture

Because the missing words might portend
Truths so important as not to be ignored
To remain vivid life-memories stored

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Alphalop's picture

playing the lute in Ye' Olden Tavern.

To we got a... Luteist? in the house? Smile

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

Nice!

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Raggedy Ann's picture

You nailed it, IMO. Thanks for brightening my day! Bye

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"The “jumpers” reminded us that one day we will all face only one choice and that is how we will die, not how we will live." Chris Hedges on 9/11

Alphalop's picture

and once in a while it even works. Smile

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

featheredsprite's picture

while only a few in number seemed willing to have an intelligent conversation. I think a Jill/Gary debate would be interesting.

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Life is strong. I'm weak, but Life is strong.

Alphalop's picture

I have a couple friends that are into him.

One asked me, "So now that you can't feel the Bern are you ready to grab onto the Johnson?" LoL!

If it was him or Hillary I could do so comfortably.

I don't agree with a lot of his policy, but at least he doesn't come off as a total douche.

Currently I am in the middle of an episode of Penn's Sunday School podcast that he is a guest on and so far he seems at least reasonable himself. (Although he uses the crutch, "At the end of the day." so much that it's borderline maddening, lol!)

My presidential preference order so far consists of:
Stein
Johnson
Trump
Giant Meteor/Cthulhu
Satan
Zombie Hitler

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

Lookout's picture

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEL651ViWvc

Hosted by RT and running about 1.5 hours

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“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

elenacarlena's picture

I like Gary Johnson's plans to stop wars, of course! But eliminate taxes for the wealthy and replace with a consumption tax? And cut the social safety net? NO thanks!!

I don't have time to listen to it all, but unfortunately Jill hasn't challenged him on the facts yet - which are that the wealthy consume FAR less a percentage of their income than the poor, so you and I would pay the vast majority of the consumption tax on a percentage basis.

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