It's no consolation, but as we went through the death and dying process of each of our parents, we three kids realized it really takes three adult caregivers to take care of a person in need. There just is too much for one or even two people.

You are doing way more than is possible. I hope your contact can find you some help.

I don't understand how your income or lack of it is so tied to your brother. At the minimum you should be entitled to at least as much. If the household is relying on his SS alone it seems too little to count.

Anyways, do not try to answer me, I'm not the person who you need to spend energy on.

One thing that helps me when things spin out of control, is some patch of Nature. Somehow it soothes and helps feel like there is somewhere in balance. Trees, flowers, birds. Balms of the soul.

I hope you can get rest and help. My thoughts are with you. May the goddess bring her blessings and cool healing to you both.

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. At my age I have an incredible lack of responsibility, and have never needed to be a 24/7 caregiver. However I experience depression on a regular basis.

It is very much like a black hole.. All I can say is please do your best to care for yourself and your feelings/numbness. Losing sleep seems to be a major factor in whether or not my depression is active or overwhelming.

I wish I could give you real advice on your work, because that seems to be the cause. And yes people are blind to depression or most emotional pain. But I know depression hurts. The fact that only empathic individuals can understand your suffering makes it even more important for you to somehow get as much time as possible for yourself.

Good luck.

          Us fortunate ones find a way (I wish I had a magic key to that map) through to the other side. For me it was creating a new life away from the old triggers. There are places and people I can never approach again, just thinking (and writing) about this makes me squirm (literally). It can get better, but it is difficult to do on your own, In 1960s Oregon there were no real options of outside support, I hope you find your situation to be better. Those that have never experienced this are not equipped to really understand. Fortunately, many here are supportive.

It physically pains me to interact with others' mood clouds. Pain to the point of anger. My late (chronically depressed) husband left a diary written pre-me, that I found a few months after he died. Along with some classic porn videos I was also unaware of. I read the diary, and cried though his pains, and burned the book in anger, and to never let my children know the little hell he had inside. I present, to the world, a calm smiling face. You do the same I am sure Michele.

I had a writhing on the floor episode yesterday. Poor me. No one to comfort me. My sister is primary caregiver to our mother, supplying food to someone who has not ventured outdoors (or into the shower) for over two years. She has dementia, and seems quite pleased to be the Princess. My sister and I are depressed. Hard to take. I have let go, partially. After daily and now twice-daily calls from 650 miles away, when she goes I will feel that dialing exercise loss for a few days.

If I could, I would send you a living plant, not cut flowers. My cousins sent a living basket on my husband's first death anniversary. The remnants came up and have persisted in my compost pile for 5 years. So a wish for a Lamium, it's blooming with yellow flowers now.