My Abject Apology and Confession
I am writing here to confess my sins. Yesterday, I partially agreed with the author of an essay about censorship. My heresy was righteously called out by other c99 members and I have seen the light. You have my abject apology for daring to suggest that banning Our President from Twitter was a good thing.
My mistake was not seeing the big picture. As the voice of the little people, President Trump has used the giant megaphone granted US presidents to call out racial injustice. His support for the George Floyd protesters has been nothing but remarkable. Bravo, Sir!
In addition, the President's Border Wall has been a wonderful externalization of our nation's desire for purity. We must stop the Barbarian Hordes before they overrun our way of life and relegate us to the status of failed Caesarian Republic.
As spokesperson for the little persons — Little Person Champion, as it were — defender of democracy, Centurion of Israel, and valiant fighter against corporate oppression, President Trump has led the charge against media overtruth and technodictatorship. He has carried both the torches and the pitchforks into our battle for freedom of religion, freedom to hoard arms, and freedom to define facts as whatever he says they are.
I breathe more freely each day.
My guilt is heavy. I beg forgiveness from my c99 peers. I know my sins are deep and damaging and indefensible. I am a traitor to the 99%. I am slimier than pond scum liberally lubricated with snot.
To atone for my sins, I shall embark on a self-improvement process second to none. I will join the hue and cry for smashing Twitter and Facebook for their effrontery in banning the leading proponent of truth and justice in these United States — President Donald J. Trump. I now intend to fully support the tendentious mindset assiduously working to inform America that all political parties are evil and that corporations are the fourth branch of government.
Most importantly, I agree to never question the c99 herd mind again. Resistance is futile. I will be assimilated.
Lead on, fellow warriors, as we travel the blissful boulevard to Fólkvangr.