After NUMEROUS calls for re-examination of his policy stances, Jesus has Finally admitted the fact that he is NOT as good a candidate as Hilaria Clintonus.

As you know, early in this election Jesus came under Serious criticism for his harsh Treatment of Bankers, especially the harsh tone, and violence that he perpetrated against them. It is exactly these kind of voters that Jesus can't afford to offend in the long term, since any Kingdom of God he hopes to set up will of course rely on the financial sector, as all kingdoms do. Hilaria has agreed to look into reigning in some of the shadow moneylenders who have set up outside the traditional halls of the Temple, and promises to do so in a even handed and fair manner. It is precisely this spirit of compromise which ensures we will be able to move forward, even despite Roman Obstructionism.

With regards to Jesus and his practice of healing the sick, it is clear that while well intentioned, this policy will be disastrous in the long term. Without the proper scheduling and payment for the services, people will not be motivated to take care of themselves. Why not engage in risky sex, when a so-called "Savior" will simply cure your social diseases with no judgement? Why engage in proper hygiene to avoid the corruption of the humors of the body, instead overtaxing the system of providers of miracle cures with your insignificant aches and pains? Hilaria Clintonus's Policy of making certain that the first person you need to see prior to any treatment is a moneylender makes the most sense. Moneylenders have EXPERIENCE with the needs of health care professionals, and can ensure that their reasonable fees go primarily to reducing your costs with the healers. And as far as Big Poultice Goes, It is simply a case of more oversight and incentives being given, to ensure that the cow dung and lizard bile are properly vetted prior to their selling.

Not to mention, Jesus' completely laughable position on Foreign Affairs. We should be working with our Roman allies to ensure that those that take action against our state be brought to heel. We already have the policy of slave taking and Crucifixion, which Jesus has not explicitly spoken out against. It's clear that his policy of "Turning The other Cheek" is merely words, since he will not forcefully and thoroughly speak against those policies, it's clear that he is FOR them. All of this garbage about "Loving your neighbor" is fine and idealistic rhetoric, but absolutely Naive when we think of the REAL opponents we have in this world, like the Persians. Who By the Way, Hate us for our freedoms, and want to destroy us.

Moving along to Jesus' Racism and Sexism, which of course his followers would like us to forget. I think we all know exactly what Jesus is really thinking, as the campaign speeches by many of his followers CLEARLY show his real intent, despite what Jesus claims. He clearly has no regard for women, since he does not have any women in his inner circle of disciples. In addition, the diversity of his group is sorely lacking, and it's clear that he is coming from a position of extreme privilege to think that anybody who doesn't look like him DOESN'T MATTER. While he has not explicitly said anything, I think the fact that Jesus' followers are among the most racist in the world shows a great deal about his character.

Lastly, I would like to remind you that we have not had a woman in the position of Savior. After all, while some point to Mary, I would like to remind you that nobody ever bothered to elect her. She may be an esteemed figure, but she gained her position merely by being the mother of a man. We don't need that. Hilaria and her Husband Wilhelm have stood on their own two feet for years, despite CONSTANT Roman propaganda suggesting they are weak and corrupt. While some would suggest they are no better than Romans, Hilaria has spent years fighting for the women and slaves of the empire. It's her experience that makes her perfect for the position of savior.

But by all means, continue to support Jesus and his ill-fated campaign. Just remember, in the end, it's going to come down to a choice between Hilaria, and the Romans. Therefore, we need to keep any criticism of Hilaria civil and positive. It is, after all, IMPERATIVE we stop the Romans from ever installing another one of their Emperors as savior. We all Know exactly how horrible the Romans Can be.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExWfh6sGyso]