The Voter's Prayer (For the 2020 Election)
The Book of Snark, Chapter VI, Verses 1-13
1. Take heed that thou don't let it be known that thou art for a candidate, to be recognized as a supporter: Otherwise thou shall garner no attention from the almighty Media which controleth the conversation.
2. Therefore, when thou doest thine campaigning, do not obvious in thy intentions, as the Hillarites do in the speaking tours and the streets, that they may have fundraisers. Verily I say unto you, they have their fees.
3. But when thou goes campaigning, let not thy left hand know what thy right doeth:
4. So your campaigning will be in secret: And the Candidate which seeth via completely secured and totally untraceable email shall reward thee openly. Later.
5. And when thou praises the candidate, thou shalt not be as the Hillarites are: For they love to praise standing on corporate stages and in every post online, that many may believe that the candidate is great indeed. Verily I say unto you, they have their fees.
6. But thou, when thou campaign, and enter into any debate, hide away those flaws of the candidate behind a closed door, for it is private matters, and it does no favors to the tenor of the conversation to bring them up. Speak nothing but praise of the Candidate; and the Candidate which seeth via completely secured and totally untraceable email shall reward thee openly. Later.
7. But when you campaign, use not the same positions, as the media do, for they think that they shall be believed if the lie is repeated oft enough.
8. Be not therefore like unto them, for your Candidate knows what is needed, and waiting for the Candidate's position to tailor your own is far better than reacting to your petty demands.
9. And this manner therefore campaign. Our Candidate, Who art In Washington, Recognized be thy name,
10. The Election Come, and thy word be truth,
In our Private as well as Public Postings.
11. Give us this day our talking points
12. And forgive us for our failings as supporters,
As we forgive you for all errors that the media made.
13. And let us not be fooled into contemplation, but deliver us from doubters: For Thine is the Office, and the Platform, and the Justice, For Ever and ever, Amen.