They are making the president today, but I really can't concentrate on that now, because I think Anonymous is breaking my phones.

Okay, the first one, maybe that was my fault. I had some spasm or palsy or stroke or something, and I dropped it. The two halves kind of separated a little. I slapped them back together and thought nothing of it. Because I come from the era of rotary phones, and those things were indestructible. You could go after a rotary phone with a bowling ball, and it wouldn't care.

But I guess these new phones, they are invertebrates. Because a couple days after the Dropping, the phone would suddenly go dead, as I was trying to talk on it. This was an annoyment. I think maybe this started also after there had been the Watering. Some lawyer was supposed to call, so I took the phone outside and set it down on the railing, while I watered the plants in the cement holes. Then, I watered the phone. I really didn't mean to. I think I wasn't paying attention.

So the Dropping, and the Watering, that would explain the one phone. But why has the different-one phone stopped working? No one has Dropped or Watered that phone. And yesterday morning I used it to call someone, and, when there was a connection, I could hear that person, but that person couldn't hear me. Four times this happened. Then the person called me, and in that way we were actually able to talk to and hear one another, like normal people do on the telephones.

In the afternoon there had to be the lawyers, and the peculiar phone phenomenon repeated. I could hear them, but they couldn't hear me. Unless they were the person who called. Then, as the day expired, not even that would work. Even if the lawyer placed the call, I could hear the lawyer, but the lawyer couldn't hear me.

Maybe this is what it's like being dead. You can hear and see people, but people can't hear and see you. Isn't that what happened to that guy in the true-life documentary film The Sixth Sense? He wandered around the whole movie seeing and hearing people who couldn't see or hear him, until finally he remembered he had been shot by a Robber who made all the blood come out. And he was dead. Maybe I'm dead. Maybe there isn't anything wrong with the phones at all; maybe what is wrong, is me. I can't get people to hear me, because I am dead. I don't remember any Robbing, and nothing here looks like it's been Robbed, and when I took a shower, I didn't notice any new big gaping holes in my body. But it took that Sixth Sense guy a while to cotton on, too. There aren't any bloodstains around, except where the cat made the hole in the finger with the claw that was going after the toy. I need fairly urgently to get cigarettes, but I am afraid to, because what if the man in the store doesn't see me? That would mean I am dead. Of course, it would also mean I wouldn't have to pay for the cigarettes. I could just take them, and walk out. And now I know why sometimes I can't find things around here. Because dead people came in and took them.

The reason why I think that, if I am not dead, and the phones really are broken, it was Anonymous who broke them, is because Anonymous sent me the brain scans, and I didn't do anything with them.

From time to time, Anonymous, they send me, anonymously, some sort of this or that. And it becomes my task to disseminate this material, so that the People, they will Know. Recently, Anonymous, they sent me a big batch of brain scans, of people who are trying to be the president. I planned to post them here. But then the site Boss Ones started making the posts where there are the Rules. And one of these Rules, it seems, is that we are not to diagnose the various and sundry neurological disorders of the mutants who are trying to be the president. I became afeared, that if I posted the brain scans, this would violate the Rule. And then the Boss Ones, they would make me go sit in a Corner, and with the Duncecap on. And I don't want to be in the Corner. With the Duncecap.

But neither do I want Anonymous to make my phones be broken, or maybe even send the Robber to shoot me so that all the blood comes out and I am dead. Because they are impatient and irritated that I am not posting the brain scans. So I am posting the brain scans. Better the duncecap. Than the dead.

And anyway, I can assert that I am a Qualified Expert, in re the brain scans, because I possess a ThD, or Doctorate in Thinkology, bestowed upon me by the wizard, when I was the Scarecrow in a play of The Wizard Of Oz. The wizard, he gave me a brain, and also the ThD. So that makes me fully competent, to rattle on about the gooey lumps of grey matter, rolling around in these derelict brainpans.

I was also a pig, and an ass. In Animal Farm. Not in real life. Usually.

At the top of the piece there, that is a brain scan of Uncle Ben Carson. The five red zones towards the top of the brain, those are where dwells the knowledge that the pyramids were by Joseph used to store grain. The two red zones towards the bottom, those retain memories of when Uncle Ben stabbed his mother in the stomach.

The next image is a brain scan of the farm animal, also known as Rick Perry, former governor of Texas, and scientifically proven to be dumber than dirt.

Finally, there is the most peculiar brain scan of The Hairball. If it looks like a big dried cowpie, that's because that's what it is. That's what he has in his head. Cow shit.

There. I posted some. Now maybe the phones will work. And I will not be dead.

I have here a brain scan of The Mad Bomber, with ominous ghostly lights representing all the countries she would bomb. Maybe next week.

Today they are making the president in Arizona, Idaho, and Utah. In honor of the latter, I am embedding below that state's national anthem, "The Beehive State," by Randy Newman.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VHbvOhJjQ8]

The national anthem of the state of Arizona, it is this song:

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8u4ywcVqY0]

For it is a true Science Fact that the Phoenix area of Arizona, it is actually part Venusian. That is why it is so hot there. The daily average temperature on Venus is 864 degrees. Which is also the typical temperature in a Phoenix parking lot.

There is no national anthem of the state of Idaho, because they do not have music there. Only potatoes.

I am not writing any more about the politics today, because in the politics today there are just too many Dangers. And not only at The Hairball rallies. Oh no. You can just be trying to make the politics in, say, some little Illinois legislative race, and you will get staples in your head.

Assistant State’s Attorney Erin Antonietti said Robert Zwolinski was driving up to his campaign office that night when he saw Jessica Soto and Bradley Fichter putting up Soto's mother's campaign signs right outside his office.

When Zwolinski got out of the car, approached the pair and pulled his opponent's sign down, an argument ensued and Fichter punched him in the left eye and Jessica Soto punched him in the rib area, Antonietti said.

The blows caused Zwolinski to fall, Antonietti said.

While Zwolinski was on the ground, Fichter got on top of him and punched him in the left eye and choked him, Antonietti said.

Jessica Soto allegedly continued the attack by squeezing Zwolinski's genitals, kicking him in the head, striking him in the forehead with a staple gun, and using a beer bottle to pelt him in the nose.

Jessica Soto then went to Zwolinksi's car and threatened Zwolinski's girlfriend while she sat inside, Antonietti said. At the time, Jessica Soto allegedly had the staple gun in her hand.

Lawyers for the staple-gunner and her partner, they say the staple-man is a whining liar who probably stapled his own head.

Their attorneys—Frank Avila and Steven Weinberg—said their clients were acting in self-defense.

Avila said Zwolinski's claim that Fichter and Jessica Soto were putting up campaign posters at Zwolinski's headquarters is nonsense.

Avila also questioned why Zwolinski held a news conference before going to the hospital to have his injuries treated.

"He was doing interviews with a staple in his head," Avila said.

Avila questioned whether Zwolinski stapled his own head.

We will get brain scans, from all of these people. And then we will Know the Truth.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUOHspmsoEY]