You seem to have already found what you need to move forward.
Memories, family and friendship will no doubt see you through.
Peace be with you.

We are retired teachers too...together for 40 years. I miss his positive vibe here, and can only imagine the loss you feel.

My grandmother went to bed and woke up dead...and I've often expressed that as my desire when my time comes...but now Divineorder has set a much higher goal.

Peace to you, your family, and our whole community. Thanks for your essay.

Many of us care about what you're going through. Hopefully that caring will be of some comfort.

and thoughts that you've shared with us this evening.

It has been an honor, joy, and flat-out blessing to have the opportunity to spend time with you and DO for the past several years. As I may have already mentioned, (for me) any discussion of healthcare--especially, Medicare, MA, Part D, and, of course, MFA--will never be the same, without him.

I have a little anecdote to share about his dedication to Medicare, when I can access my library of screenshots. It so perfectly illustrates that DO never missed a beat, when it came to advocating for our Medicare program.

If you every need to talk, I'm a PM away.

I'm very happy to see you, here. I'm betting DO would be, as well.

Take good care of yourself.

Blue Onyx

“I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive.”
~~Gilda Radner, Comedienne

You know, we really need to talk about some of these life transitions more often. Share some wisdom and advice. We probably all hold that perfect piece of information that would lighten someone else's load, if we knew to pass it on. How does that saying go?

Everyone that you meet is fighting a great battle. So, be kind.

I think about that lately. And try to put things into perspective. I'm happy to read that you have family and good friends in your life. What you've had to do must have been so difficult. Yet you bring us these wonderful pictures and lift our hearts. They really are great to see.

Welcome back. It’s wonderful to ‘hear’ your voice again. You’re healing and we’re here to help.

When my late husband passed, it was just as do. At the time, all I could think of was how this was pure trauma. Your life is one way in the morning and completely different in the afternoon.

I’m so happy you’ve come up for air. We will help provide the oxygen you’ll need.

do was loved here and so are you.

Everyone walks a different path on their journey of grief and adjusting into a different life path.

If you need to simply be around someone or a group who understand loosing a loved one, many communities have a hospice program that are available to anyone, not just to those enrolled or their families. Drop in support groups, one on one support or visit are examples of some of the programs. Sometimes simply sitting in silence with someone who has walked the path is enough.

Please take extra care of your health. Part of your heart had a sudden jolt and needs to heal. If you are busy comforting those around you, the full impact of the change may be delayed. The advice to make changes slowly step by step is wise.

for your beautiful expression of love and appreciation. There is so much wisdom here in the comments for you to find comfort in. I'm sure you'll find your own unique ways of living life as it is now. Always feel comfort in just being yourself.

in those photographs.

In the same six months, my mother-in-law passed from liver failure due to well-hidden alcoholism; my mother passed suddenly and, as far as we could tell, in her sleep, probably from heart failure due to her high blood pressure; and my father-in law died of cancer, after maybe five surgeries during a very short period. The hardest death for me was my mom's and not because I did not love my in-laws. I did and still do.

As you've experienced, a sudden death is very difficult for the survivors, especially when contrasted so starkly with the comparative slow deterioration of alcoholism and cancer. However, I hope and believe that my mother did not suffer very long, if at all. And, much as I would give anything for even five more minutes with her, I would not trade my discomfort at her sudden death for the discomfort that she would have experienced from a long, terminal illness.

If divineorder had to die so soon, I am glad he did not suffer a long time and glad for you that you did not have to be at his side while he suffered. I consider both a blessing.

As for the grief, comforters like us cannot do much beyond empathy and sorrow, especially those of us who had only a virtual relationship with your husband. (I never cease to marvel at how attached I become to someone's fonts!)

In the flesh comforters can give more help, both physical and emotional. But, the most healing help comes from the passage of Time. You will, of course, always love your husband, but the grief of losing him lessens with Time, even if you don't want it to lessen.

Keep doing things you enjoy and remember to revel in every positive current event and feeling and every pleasant memory; and be receptive to healing. That's all I know to do. Time will do the rest, I promise.

to us for a long time. Over the years, enjoying the travelogue and insights enriched my life and others. When i saw a post from do, a little magic light would bring an immediate smile to my face, knowing i was about to read something good and full of content or witness a beautiful photograph; my favorite memory is the photo of you two in a tent sitting at table having a glass of wine with an enormous elephant standing just outside.

Joining everyone to say, i'm here for you, a pm or phone call away.

I wrote the following poem and posted it on Saturday's OT; in case you missed it:

For do

Live

in curiosity
sharing peace
optimistically
teaching
friendship
love
nature and
community

do

I wish I had words of wisdom to offer, but, alas, I am just beginning to learn what I need to learn about loss. I'm very bad at it.

So just know that, like a lot of people here, I care about what happens to you.

Wishing you peace.

I started working on a family scrapbook, lovingly filling it with pictures and mementos and taking refuge in my memories as a way of dealing with my grief and shock. It was as if my mind and my emotions had suffered an injury and needed sanctuary to heal.

The pain of losing someone we love is not unlike the trauma your body suffers after a physical injury. Except in this instance it's your mind and heart that is the open wound. Be gentle with yourself and remember that the pain you are feeling is a sign you are able to feel love and loss. Find comfort where you can and let yourself feel whatever you need to feel, even if it's a little frightening right now; that's normal.

My very wise and empathetic Sister bought the both of us a book about loss that I have shared many times with friends and family over the years. It's both an informative book but also a very human book with poems and suggestions of what "to do" when there is nothing to be done. Perhaps you might find it comforting as well.

I will leave you with one of the poems from the book that spoke to me because it allowed and encouraged me to feel whatever I was feeling without the pretense of being "okay" for everyone else. Because sometimes I wasn't okay, and I wanted to be okay with not being okay. I wish you love and courage in your journey ahead. Please let us know if there is anything we can do...

What do I do
now that you're gone?

well, when there's
nothing else going on,
which is quite often,
I sit in a corner and
I cry
until I am
too numbed
to feel.

Paralyzed motionless,
for awhile, nothing
moving
inside or out.

then I think
how much I miss you.

then I feel
fear
pain
loneliness
desolation.

then
I cry
until I am
too numbed
to feel

interesting pastime.

jb, thank you so much for sharing your personal thoughts and photographs.

A certain amount of joy and optimism permeated do's online posts. For that, and more, we are very grateful to have been a small part of his life.

Good luck to you!