And sometimes endurance is the best we can manage.

Should we make this a Happy New Year's Eve open thread?

Have a tune. I posted it the other day but it bears repeating (well, I posted Simon & Garfunkel, but decided I like this version better). We can't afford to be silent in the New Year of the OranguTrump administration - or to bow and pray to the neon orange god they made.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4 width:500]

Funny Quote of the Day: "An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up until midnight to make sure the old year leaves." - Bill Vaughan

So are we optimists or pessimists this year?

Actually, I'm already sleepy; I may end up not staying up until midnight in any case!

Oh, and let's not forget the employment situation. I don't think I have to write anymore on how the corporate world or even smaller employers believe folks like my wife and I "don't count", education, experience and skills be damned. Then again, there are plenty of folks in their 20s and 30s like myself feeling that way because employers are spoiled rotten to the core.

I must confess, Aspie, that this brought me considerable joy!

And that's not schadenfreude, either! The fact that another reasonably sane, intelligent human being recognizes what I've been saying since the late 1970s or early 1980s -- that virtually all parts of the labor market are hopelessly, irretrievably glutted, and that the buyers in that market (i.e., employers) are spoiled brats who can demand exactly what they want without having to pay what that costs to create -- warms my heart considerably!

It's always good to be found a non-liar; and you just did that for me, Aspie. I, too, have experienced what you've been though.

So accept what joy there may be found in having at least one kindred spirit in me! And do your best to have a happy New Year!

Sean

That being said, there's a reason I feel this way: I spent much of my life being lied to. Abused. Neglected. You'd be surprised how that can effect someone's personality over time. And it doesn't seem to matter how hard I try to overcome the hand I've been dealt, there are some things that never seem to go away

I was very young when I first encountered Nietzsche's words 'What does not kill me, makes me stronger'. Even then before I knew of drugs, I thought 'WTF is this guy high?'. Turns out he probably was of course. (I've been blessed (or cursed) with clear sight at times).

Your essay touches me personally.

It is indeed difficult to show emotion when all throughout your formative years expressing the wrong emotion at the wrong time would get you beat and/or wounded to your soul by hateful words. Best to learn to hide it inside. You choose survival over insanity until you become insane, and survival don't matter to you no more. Well, it feels that way.

I used to say that I wouldn't change anything. That all these experience made me who I am and that the bad gave me unique insight and the ability to more fully experience joy. For how can you experience the highest highs without also knowing the lowest lows I'd say. Wise I was.
I didn't realize then, that the lows formed barriers to the heights.
So, I just make lemonade when I can and always smile at strangers.

One thing I've found since my newerfound closeness with Doctors is that they believe what they see before what they hear.
I've felt compelled to inform them of possible understatement on my part. Fortunately my most important Doctor pays attention well and is a good listener.
I've told them that if I say I'm so angry I can't even begin to tell them, that they should take that 1000% literally, no matter how calm I may appear.
If I tell them it hurts like it always does, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt much, despite the lack of accompanying wincing.
When I tell them I've been down lately, that means I'm depressed significantly more than usual.
My cancer Doctor 'gets me', I was lucky to get her. She's world renowned in her fields and we get along great and I literally trust her 100% with my life.
I was born under a lucky star!!!
(that was a little abused child dark humor for any that missed it)

My last mental health Counselor told me I should write a book on parenting because I knew pretty much everything not to do.
It would be a short book of course.
Don't beat them
Don't say hurtful things to them.
Encourage and teach them.
Tell them you love them.
Tell them you believe in them.
That's pretty much it. Do that and everything else will work out. ( I left 'Don't sexually abuse them' off the list because this should be soo freaking self evident to every freaking adult ON THE PLANET, that it shouldn't need to be said! but of course, it does). (Sorry, got riled up there a bit, I'll do some Ohms quick here)

That counselor and I had many talks about why I was soo upset about things, why these things were so present in my thoughts, like about laws that passed, or the plight of the homeless, or how screwed up our medical system is, illegal and/or unconstitutional things the government does or any given number of evils in our society.
I would always ask him why he wasn't as angry as I was? Why wasn't everyone? After all, he abhorred these very same things.
He would say there's only so much one can do and worry about. And that the prominence and persistence of these thoughts placed me outside of societal norms.
And I would reply, 'So you're telling me that society is normal and that I'm abnormal? As far as mental health goes, I think you got that backwards'.

One of the good things about child abuse is that it provides one with an empathy for suffering that can't really be matched by those who haven't lived it. It can be helpful when you try to help the suffering.
Another good thing is that it provides and increased awareness of danger, and perception into other people.
That mental health counselor I spoke of once challenged me to tell him his story.
I told him, you were abused by a priest when you were a boy and so you've set to help others as your life's work.
He pressed me to explain how it could be that 'we' could see this. That studies had shown this increased awareness and perception, and that he'd experience it before in his work but couldn't see what it is we saw.
I told him it was in the eyes mostly, the face and the eyes. Mannerisms and ways of speaking also but mostly, it's in the eyes.

No, there's nothing good about child abuse. Still, one finds one's silver linings where one can.

Peace love joy friends.
Thank you Aspie

you feel more than you show. If they can't take your word for your own feelings, just say they are mistaken.

IMO, people who tell you what you are and are not feeling are out of place. I would never imagine I know someone else's emotions better than he or she knows them.