Hello dear friends,

I'm actually more than a bit terrified to publish this essay. If you wonder WHY I wrote it, I hope that I can satisfy your curiosity with a simple "for my own personal reasons". I love the progressive cause, and many of the soldiers in that cause that I have come to know as individual people. The contents in this essay are some of my most precious and dearly held "Pearls of Wisdom". I really believe in this shit. I want to offer it to others. If some of these thoughts seem valuable, by all means feel free to take them with you. If they don't, I completely respect that and your right to disagree. My intent was merely to offer, it is your right to say, "No thank you". I also sincerely believe in the saying

Be kind to everyone you meet, for they are on a difficult journey.

When I was about sixteen I learned about the Hatfields and the McCoys. Remember them? Two families that spent years and years and years and years at war with each other. Almost three decades, in fact. A very long time. Reading the wiki entry just now, I learned that many of the ancestors on the McCoy side hailed from Scotland, just like I do. My first thought was, “That figures”, because being stubborn seems to run in my family, and man, I could tell you stories. The ancestry of the Hatfields isn't mentioned though, hmmm, that's interesting. Also interesting is that most everyone involved was on the side of the Confederacy, except for the first guy who got murdered: he was a Union soldier. On top of that, both families were making and selling illegal moonshine … funny how I didn't remember that bit from back when I was a teenager, but now it seems like a hugely important bit to know (IMHO, the first and most important rule to remember when it comes to politics is “follow the money”).

Everyone knows how the story goes, right? The first person killed (apparently because he was a Union soldier) happened to be a McCoy. Out of anger and vengeance and family solidarity, the McCoy side “got even” by killing a Hatfield. Did the Hatfield's agree, and think “Ok, that was fair, now we are even”? No, of course not. THEY now felt victimized by this crime against THEM, and out of anger and vengeance they decided to “get even” by killing another McCoy. And a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad cycle began.

Round 1: Hatfields kill a McCoy. Victim: McCoys: Villian: Hatfields

Round 2: McCoys kill a Hatfield. Victim: Hatfields: Villian: McCoys

Round 3: Hatfields kill a McCoy. Victim: McCoys: Villian: Hatfields (same as Round 1)

Round 4: McCoys kill a Hatfield. Victim: Hatfields: Villian: McCoys (same as Round 2)

The cycle has the potential to become an "infinite loop," to use language that the kids are using these days, lol; it has the potential to repeat forever. Each side seems to have a selective memory: they focus only on the transgressions against them; they forget the evils that they have committed against their foes; and they perceive the evils that they commit as being justified by the evils committed by the other side.

When will it ever possibly end? In the case of these two families, the cycle continued for almost 30 years. And this cycle is not at all unique in human history. Shakespeare wrote about it in his tale of Romeo and Juliet. The wars between the Catholics and the Protestants went on for hundreds of years in much of Europe, and tensions are still hot in Northern Ireland. The conflict between Israelis and Palestinians remains an open sore that refuses to heal. Shall I go on? Some think religion alone is to blame for these issues. I disagree. I blame human nature, a tendency in all of us to engage in tribalistic thinking. We seem to focus on crimes against "our own", and seem blind to the crimes that our side commits on others. And now I am thinking of the refusal of many "Democrats" to see the horrific acts of Hillary herself, all because she is perceived as being "one of them".

When I was about sixteen, I also learned about Jesus. I suspect many of you might be worried because I've thrown out this word so let me say: these day I primarily think of myself as a "follower of the teachings of Jesus", not a “Christian” per se. I try to follow the teachings; I fail far too often, but I try. The word “Christian” has become ambiguous and tainted and loaded, which makes me very sad, and yet I refuse to cede that word to those with whom I strongly disagree because I love the teachings of Jesus far too much. In that sentence are many discussions, important discussions, that I'd prefer to hold at another time, if you don't mind. Today I want to narrowly talk about one story: a time when I was innocently and naively “searching for the true religion that God wanted me to follow” and I read a certain story in Matthew about “turning the other cheek”. It goes something like this:

Matthew 5:38-40 King James Version (KJV)

38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:
39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.

The truth is, I could write an entire chapter now about how much this teaching means to me. I could talk to you about Les Miserables, and how the Priest who hosted Jean val Jean demonstrated the amazing power that I think these words can hold. I also could talk to you about Mahatma Gandhi, who was also greatly affected by these words – I believe that they were a core part of his commitment to non-violence, which not only achieved remarkable results in India, they also indirectly and directly inspired Dr. King to use them, which in turn achieved remarkable results during the Civil Rights movement. There is so very much that I could say, and want to say, but for now I will focus on a time when I was sixteen years old and I read this little bit of Matthew. My response in that moment was to think about the Hatfields and the McCoys. In order to end their feud, someone must have essentially turned the other cheek, right? That had to be true. Somewhere in that endless cycle, some weirdo must have said, "Enough! No more! This madness has to end!" And then that guy decided to swallow their hate and/or do whatever they needed to do to restrain themselves from seeking vengeance for their very fresh pain and loss, because they realized that they in fact also had Power; they finally realized that they in fact had a choice: they could retaliate, which would inspire their enemies to do the same, once again; or they could turn the other cheek, and thus end the cycle of violence. As I mulled over these thoughts, it occurred to me that turning the other cheek was actually a profoundly brilliant action. But at the same time, I recognized that turning the other cheek was not intuitive at all, in fact it was pretty much the exact opposite of what my own instincts call loudly and insistently for me to do when I am grievously wronged. The words "almost otherworldly wisdom" bounced into my mind, and I remember thinking, “I don't know if Jesus is actually the Son of God, but if anyone is, this guy would be the guy”.

For those of you who are getting nervous because of my words, let me say that today I believe that Jesus was just a man. According to Occam's razor, the simplest hypothesis is usually the correct hypothesis, right? What could be simpler than assuming that Jesus was just a man, in the same fundamental way that other men are just men? Jesus was a Jew, as it turns out his teachings are very Jewish; He appeared to be following in the great footsteps of Hillel, but taking Hillel's ideas one step further in Jesus' own way. I love the philosophy of Jesus, and perceive that many other persons admire it as well, including Gandhi, who allegedly said (it is now in dispute by right-wingers, sigh):

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Somewhere over the course of time, Christianity stopped being the religion OF Jesus and started becoming a religion ABOUT Jesus. Those who care MOST about the teachings of Jesus are following the religion OF Jesus. Those who care MOST about the teachings of Paul are following a religion ABOUT Jesus. The two are actually quite different.

I'm "that guy", that stupid and often lonely guy (who is actually a woman, but whatever), who actually and sincerely strives to be "like my Christ". Just saying. THAT is where I am coming from. Again, lots and lots of very fertile territory for other discussions that I'd rather not engage in right at this moment if you don't mind, pretty pretty please.

The only way, I think, for the cycle of injustice, misery, and hate that gets started whenever a crime is committed against an innocent person is for some person who is innocent at some point in the cycle to “turn the other cheek”. In other words, instead of seeking vengeance that is rightfully theirs according to the reasoning of many/most human beings, these odd creatures instead choose to "forgive their enemy" or maybe I should instead say "act according to their higher principles instead of their base human desire to strike out and hurt their enemy". Man, this step is hard, it is fucking, FUCKING hard, but I think that it is necessary (or at least, I think that it is mostly necessary and I'm not sure under which conditions it should not be taken? I don't have all the answers). Otherwise, the cycle will never, ever end, because the human desire to “get even” actually becomes almost a form of slavery that deceptively feels good for a fleeting, FLEETING moment but results in TREMENDOUS misery over time.

And therefore, turning the other cheek is not only a “moral thing” to do, it can also be considered a “logical” thing to do, IMHO. A smart thing to do.

I realize that this is a huge concept, and I also want to admit that I don't have all of the answers. I am not saying that it is acceptable to be victimized. I am trying to say that at the heart of the teachings of Jesus, Gandhi, and Dr. King, is a notion of turning the other cheek as a means of fighting injustice. Again, it is not easy, this technique is horrifically difficult. But in the past it has been used to achieve certain REMARKABLE SUCCESS, perhaps even MIRACULOUS SUCCESS, as demonstrated by both Gandhi and Dr. King. Gandhi encouraged his followers to consider themselves “soldiers for peace”, and stated that they needed to be willing to be injured and even die in their fight for the cause. And now I cannot resist the urge to embed a few precious clips of Gandhi (as impersonated by Ben Kingsley):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft4eTzhaUAc

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft4eTzhaUAc]

From the screenplay (and take a close look at the actor who plays FIRST YOUTH, who was then an unknown named Daniel Day-Lewis):

JOHANNESBURG SUBURB. EXTERIOR. MORNING.

They have come to a turning, nearer to town, the area poorer, run-down. Ahead of them three youths (twenty, twenty-one) in working clothes, carrying lunch boxes, lean indolently against a building directly in their path. They react to the sight of Gandhi – fun. Then stride the pavement menacingly. One of them tosses aside his cigarette.

FIRST YOUTH: Hey – look what's comin'!
SECOND YOUTH: A white shepherd leading a brown sammy!
CHARLIE: Perhaps I should –

Gandhi restrains him and shakes his head.

GANDHI: Doesn't the New Testament say, "If your enemy strikes you on the right cheek, offer him the left"?

He starts to move forward. Charlie hesitates, then follows nervously, more nervous for Gandhi than himself.

CHARLIE: I think perhaps the phrase was used metaphorically . . . I don't think our Lord meant –

They are getting closer. The youths laughing, whispering.

GANDHI: I'm not so certain. I have thought about it a great deal. I suspect he meant you must show courage – be willing to take a blow – several blows – to show you will not strike back – nor will you be turned aside . . . And when –

One youth has flicked his cigarette – hard. It lands at Gandhi's feet. He pauses, looking at the youth.

GANDHI: . . . and when you do that it calls upon something in human nature – something that makes his hate for you diminish and his respect increase. I think Christ grasped that and I – I have seen it work.

He starts forward again, he is almost on the youths – clearly frightened, but . . .

GANDHI: Good morning.
FIRST YOUTH: Get off the pavement, you bloody –

And he reaches forth to haul Gandhi from the pavement, but –

A WOMAN'S VOICE: Colin! Colin! What are you doing?

A woman is leaning out of an upstairs window, looking down at the fracas disconcertedly. It is the first youth's mother and her presence reduces the pitch of his hostility considerably.

FIRST YOUTH: Nuthing . . . nuthing. We were just cleaning up the neighborhood a little.

A snickering response from the other youths – but they are embarrassed by the questioning disapproval of Colin's mother's attitude. There's no note of apology in her cold stare at Gandhi, but she clearly believes her son should not be doing what he is doing.

COLIN'S MOTHER: You're already late for work. I thought you'd gone ten minutes ago.

The moment of crisis has passed. Nothing will happen while she is there. Gandhi steps back on the pavement, addressing the first youth.

GANDHI: You'll find there's room for us both.

And he steps around him, Charlie trailing, as the first youth stares at them sullenly.
As they stride on, Charlie glancing back –

CHARLIE (relieved): That was lucky.
GANDHI: I thought you were a man of God.
CHARLIE (wittily, but making his point): I am. But I'm not so egotistical as to think He plans His day around my dilemmas.

Gandhi laughs as they turn the corner.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hS1YWtalPY

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hS1YWtalPY]

From the screenplay:

GANDHI: I praise such courage. I need such courage – because in this cause, I too am prepared to die . . . (A response; he looks at Tyeb Mohammed) But, my friend, there is no cause for which I am prepared to kill.

He looks at the audience. This is the more sober Gandhi they have come to know.

GANDHI: I have asked you here tonight because despite all their troops and police, I think there is a way to defeat this law. Whatever they do to us we will attack no one, kill no one . . . But we will not (the climatic point) give our fingerprints – not one of us.

He looks down at the police, making the point stick. There is a tentative reaction from the audience, but uncertain.

GANDHI: They will imprison us, they will fine us. They will seize our possessions. But they cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them.
A VOICE FROM THE GALLERY: Have you been to prison? They'll beat us and torture us! I say –
GANDHI: I am asking you to fight – ! (It catches the audience a little, holds them.) To fight against their anger – not to provoke it!

He has their attention now.

GANDHI: We will not strike a blow – but we will receive them. And through our pain we will make them see their injustice (quickly) and it will hurt, as all fighting hurts! (Utter silence.) . . . But we cannot lose. We cannot. (He looks down at the police.) Because they may torture my body, may break my bones, even kill me . . . (Up to the house) They will then have my dead body – not my obedience.

And now he gets the response he has wanted. Firm, mature, determined. Gandhi holds up his hand.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiafEeJETQg

[video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiafEeJETQg]

I've included this last clip, which is an interview of Kingsley, because he gives some of his own personal testimony, and I personally find it very powerful. He was asked essentially "Can you capsulize what you have learned from this experience?" he gave a lovely answer that includes:

... What really impressed me about Gandhi, and is possibly a simple lesson that I can apply to myself is, uh ... a very simple phrase that he coined, although it's not in our film, I got it from my research, and it's "Politics begins with the person next to you", which is for me a marvellous exercise in life so that, in a sense, the pressure of perhaps subscribing to a political doctrine or an ideal, and I always find those a bit too rigid, goes straight out of the window and you are on your own to make up your own politics of life, entirely dependent on how you treat ... [laughter] ... well, the person next to you, or the people in the same room. And that for me is a marvellous, simple exercise in life and I find it much more enjoyable ...

Ok, then ... I've covered Hatfields, McCoys, Jesus … what about Progressives? Breathe in, breathe out, here I go as I try to write the more difficult words ...

I want to say that it breaks my heart that the folks I love at KFS and the folks I love at WotB are not all getting along. I see that much pain has been endured by both sides. I want the pain to stop, and I want all of us to be working together to advance the progressive agenda.

Hate begets Hate. Love begets Love. I believe that the only way to conquer Hate is with Love.

Aren't these words part of the guiding wisdom that informs the progressive cause?

As I see it, mistakes have been made. I don't want to point any fingers, I refuse to point fingers. Jesus also said, “Judge not, lest you be judged” and also something about motes, and beams, and eyes. I sincerely believe in that shit. I try my best not to judge. I am just as flawed a human being as anybody else and believe in the concept that I should first work to clean up my own garbage before criticizing the garbage of others. Believe it or not one of my own curses is that I am far too aware of my own flaws, and they horrify me, sometimes to the point of paralysis (I arrogantly like to read about the Dunning–Kruger effect at such moments, hypocritical bastard that I am). I am a recovering perfectionist (my hubby sometimes tells me that I should change the recovering to recovered, lol. He seems to think I am more masterful at not being perfect than I give myself credit for, sweet guy that he is ;-). I never mean to blow it, but I frequently do, of course. And knowing that I myself blow it makes it easier, not always but today most of the time, for me to forgive. Because when I forgive others for their mistakes, the stupid part of my brain (the reptilian part, for those who know what I am talking about, the brain stem) seems to also think that it is ok for me to forgive and be at peace with all of my own imperfections. And that is a lovely feeling, to be one step closer to being at peace with my own lousy and flawed self.

Okay, I think I'm mostly done, and I will stop. Sunday is a day for sermons. Is this a sermon? Fuck it, maybe it is, I don't know, I don't really mean for it to be (or maybe I do, but only in the gentlest possible way). Again, this essay is my attempt to share a bit of my own personal truth. I'm not trying to TELL anyone else what to do, but instead offer thoughts that some persons in the community. that I love so very much, might find useful. I personally value having these thoughts, which I perhaps arrogantly think of as "insights", and that inspires me to share. If they don't work for you, that's cool too, and I genuinely hope you have a lovely day.

XO XO XO ~OaWN

P.S. One last thing - In all of my attempts at parenting, many of which have been failures but occasionally I do something right, lol, one little piece of gold that I somehow stumbled upon, God only knows how, is the concept of a do-over. When there is a agreement that crap has happened and we are all tired of it and we just want to let it go, someone asks, "Can we have a do-over on this?" I think that the answer has always been yes, so I'm not really sure what would happen if someone would feel the need to say no.

But if everyone can say YES, then I have to tell you the result and the feeling is awesome. We can move forward and folks really do try to let the bad stuff all go, and yet, the previous sharing of everyone's truth on the topic is somehow remembered as a useful exercise to help us all "go forward and sin no more", if you know what I am trying to say? We ARE better people because of the experience and especially the conversation, and because of our own striving for personal integrity - which I trust is there in every one of us - we try to keep that our newfound knowledge in mind moving forward. Ok, that's really and truly all I have to say for now, thank you for reading my very long essay if you have actually managed to make it all of this to the very end.