But the loveliest thing of all is you here amongst us.
You are indeed different because your are so intelligent, so sharp witted, so passionate, all at once, and some or most of us, not so much.
oh, and then there is that gender id thingie. That does set you apart, but as equal from a different perspective.
You are my heart.

Of course you can rock cork wedgies at age.65. Just avoid the tight capris and cat-eyed sunglasses--in other words, don't make your clothes look like a costume. I love wedge heeled shoes with wrap-around skirts, simple blouses and big hats, or peasant (boho) dresses with tiered skirts and little shrug sweaters.

Older lady, raunchy, foody, into politics, interesting as hell, & lives in Philly.

Here's a recent post about her sexuality called Gender Confusion.

Check it out.

I am headed to Argentina/Brazil/Chile/Easter Island in October.
Long pants, hot.
Shorts, for a 64yr old not so much.
Capris... likely the trip prep answer.
It's a thing.

depression. There is two major obstacles first finding it and then pushing past our fear of rejection to walk the path. Glad the community was here for you and you have been here for us.

It does feel like the sort of place where you can sit around in underwear and barefoot, or wear wedgies or mules. And most of us have varicose veins by the time we are in our 60's. At least we've made it this far. Like you, with some dodges along the way. Peace!

time. You have energy and intelligence with a soupçon of wicked humor. It will see you through. Plus the friends you make as you are more and more your self.

I say felicitations are in order. Nice working with you too.

Keep writing.

Be yourself, AB.

You are someone who has contributed so much to this community and I am so happy that you feel so comfortable as to let us know more about yourself. We all self censor because we are worried about what others may think about us instead of just being ourselves. Your openness is an inspiration to us all, whether we are straight, gay, bi, transgender, or whatever degree of any of those we identify with. It does not matter to me what you identify yourself as. What matters is that you are happy with you. Thank you for being you!

I've been called different for many other reasons and I wore this label with honor and pride every time it was thrown at me. My reply usually was,"You better believe it!"
I will be 65 yo Monday and I'm still ME, unbroken. Doesn't mean I never cried or tried to fit in. It never worked and left me unhappy.
To you I would say, it's never to late to be you. Life is too short not to. If Philly doesn't want you,screw them, there are other places.
Isn't Philly the city of brotherly love?

And it seems like you have a lot of it. Thanks for writing this, and I'm very glad you have found a home here!

because I have so many difficulties to understand what's going on in a person who wants to be of another gender than the biologically visible to the outside world would indicate.

Now I am upset what your therapist did to you. You were biolgoically a man, felt you would like to be a woman, but as a that woman, you felt you weren't attracted to men, right? So, what's wrong with that? It was the therapist, who drove you almost to suicide? I am so glad you are alive and your girlfriend was kind of an angel to have rescued you.

Why I have difficulties to say anything with regards to the LGBT community? I guess it's basically due to the way I was raised, ie an unspoken rule that you stay out of anyone's bedroom and intimate relationships. I have worked as an adult (being over 30 years old) with lesbian and gay colleagues. All of them were openly so. We knew their partners and it never was a problem to integrate the couples into our social work life. All of them were kind, calm and very sensitive to their colleague's personal issues. Actually it was in many ways much more pleasant to work with them than with "the rest of the bunch".

But I had another experience that made me scared and more reluctant to "say" anything. My former husband (a handsome, good looking African, many women felt attracted to) once was followed by a gay person on the streets in Berlin, Germany. He was still a student (that was in the late sixties) and he had a quite emotional reaction to that person who followed him. He basically chased him away and threatened him to beat him up if he wouldn't leave him alone. That emotional reaction stunned me. So, I knew, it came out of his own cultural upbringing somehow, but I was stunned about the intensity of his feelings. I never forgot that, but it came never up again in my life as an issue for a long time.

It was only during the Obama administration that I realized that the progressive and liberal community was very critical of the "African reaction" to homosexuality. I was also naive an unaware of the "sex tourism" to African countries for hetero-, as well as homosexuals. I was always conflicted between realizing that there was this "typical" reaction by African males (may be that has changed these days) and the fact that homosexuals were put in concentration camps in Hitler's Nazi Germany. How to consolidate those facts?

Apparently it is hard as well to respect an emotional resentment of Africans towards homosexuality and not to judge it as discrimination. Obama made a speech in Kenya, I believe, basically telling the Africans to respect the LGBT community in their country, but the Africans weren't that enthused about that sort of lecturing from Obama. It has been voiced by other Africans leaders later on again. So, I would consider it as diplomatic to leave the African community alone in their feelings vis a vis homosexuality as a Western politician.

Since I see that "emotional conflict" between the African communities, who consider heterosexuality the "norm" and the "right thing", and the LGBT community in the Western world, I kind of didn't know anymore what to think and decided to not comment on those issues.

I can understand both sides and I do think no one should judge and lecture anyone for how they feel and no one should be discriminated or prosecuted, as long as they keep their bedroom activities more or less private and a personal matter, so to speak.

I think most people here would say that this way of thinking is discriminatory, that's why I remain silent. I do feel I have never discriminated any transgender, lesbian or gay person, but I feel that people don't think about me that way. That makes me insecure and silent.

When it comes to this place, C99p, being a home for a diverse group of people, I can only say, kudos to the community. I always am amazed how people here can stand my presence and my comments without throwing eggs in my face. It's a very generous group of people here.

Oh, and btw your story also reinforces my personal rule to never allow in my household a gun and ammunition.

Ok, old-fashioned mama I am. So what? Bottom line, I am very happy to see you alive.

Your story is our story as this community is chock full of people who feel free to be themselves without fear of rejection and judgement. I'm so sorry that our society forces people to conform to a norm that is not normal and causes people to feel there is something wrong about who they really are. Stay sassy and fuck them if they can't take a joke.

Self determination scares people who are full of hate and fear. Perhaps they are afraid of looking at who they are and anyone who's free and embraces their sexuality confuses them. I think it's great you are feeling free enough to talk about who you are here. I hope this community helps you not be depressed about your beautiful true self.

I'm so glad your journey brought you to caucus99percent as your inspiring, smart and damn funny. I love your humanity and the weasel always makes me happy. Thank you for sharing your story and for being here. I am an old coot and I vote for Capri's and straight skinny jeans. I just find Capris that hit my ankles. I'm a small person with skinny legs so they work for me. One of the taunt's thrown my direction as a kid was 'pencil legs'. Now cork or any kind of wedgie shoe make me look ridiculous. Flats for me.

Keep singing your song.

Thank you so much for this essay!

One of the most important things I've learned over the years is that how we see and experience ourselves (our gender identity) is a completely separate thing from who we're attracted to (our sexual orientation). I know trans men who are gay (attracted to other men) and trans men who are straight (attracted to women) and those who are bi. And the same is true for trans women: some are straight (attracted to men) and some are lesbian (attracted to women) or bi.

If you haven't read or seen Kate Bornstein (author of Gender Outlaw, among others), do yourself a favor and check her out. She is upbeat, talented, funny, insightful, and supportive. http://katebornstein.typepad.com/ I've seen her live, and she is a treat!

May this morning find you filled with joy!

blaze