Why You Were There.
While doing a bit of background memory-jogging on the matter of ErrinF's classic Delete My Account diary at dailyKos, I found this thing, which I wrote and posted there just about 6 years ago (March 10, 2014), around the time I was starting to lose patience with the place. I decided to share it with all y'all.
But that doesn't mean I think you'll like it, or like me for having written it. I'm not sure it made me any friends, but it did generate some amusing banter. One person said, "He thinks he's the next jbou," to which another responded, "jbou was the next edscan," to which I replied:
Once upon a time, Springsteen was the new dylan.
we condemn imitational art, yet endlessly seek the next incarnation of whatever we have most passionately adored.
The title of the piece was, Why You Are Here
I also included a poll, for the purely cynical purpose of driving traffic to my diary. Two of those options come from movies, one comes from a play, one comes from Wisconsin, one comes from TV, and the rest come from rock/folk/pop. Hearty handshake and pat on the back to any one who knows all of the sources.
WHY DID YOU THINK YOU WERE HERE?
We need the eggs
We're waiting for Godot
We came here for the waters
Great fish fry
Wrong turn at albukoikie
hidin on the back streets
searchin for some pie in the sky summit
workin on mysteries without any clues
workin on our night moves
building a mystery
lyin in bed, just like brian wilson did
wanna live, wanna give
the liquor tasted good
it's a beauty way to go
ain't no use to sit and wonder why babe
Why You Are Here
You are here so that I can confront you with unpleasant truths that you would prefer to avoid, that you will struggle to deny, that you do not want to acknowledge and accept.
Such as: Episode IV is excruciatingly bad, at a level that not even Leonard Pinth Garnell could love. Most of the original run of Star Trek also sucks.
[Redacted this one, out of sensitivity to someone else on c99p, because now, at any rate, would not be the time for it.]
Mary Ann. Sorry Gingerists, but for God's sake, you lost this battle 50 fricking years ago. Deal.
Money doesn't grow on trees, but so what? Oranges grow on trees, and have you seen the price of orange juice? If money grew on trees, who the hell would you pay to pick it?
Had enough yet? No? Well, then over the vulva we go ... [NB c99p: I used to refer to the little whirly figure between a diary's Intro and Main Body as "the little orange vulva"]
I'm smarter than you. Remember that the next time you're about to type a sentence that even hints that you understand a concept that I don't. Yeah, that one isn't so funny, but it really needed to be said. If I'm disagreeing with you, it isn't because I'm ignorant and you're sophisticated.
If you outlaw guns, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their own children dead. Or for that matter, accidentally shoot your own children dead. Personally, I think I might prefer it that way, but YMMV.
Speaking of shooting things: There's no such thing as a wolf in a zoo. Remember that the next time you get a little orgasmic frisson after killing a wolf. [NB c99p: Yes, ban nock, the second sentence was a conscious, deliberate, contrived jab at you. Sorry. All in the past.]
There's no such thing as a free market, but even if there were, it would be a dumbass, inefficient, amoral, unethical scheme for solving whatever human problem it were supposed to be solving, while stumbling drunkenly around with invisible thumb firmly up all-too-visible ass.
There is an American Empire, and pretending there isn't using sophistries in which one rhetorically expresses puzzlement over the absence of various historical signifiers of colonization (e.g., an official delegate of the metropole who exercises supreme executive authority) is an affront not only to the intelligence of the reader, but also to the humanity of the serfs who toil in service to the Empire. 120 years ago, when the United States set out to establish an Empire, those in favor were not shy about calling themselves imperialists. Either wear the mantle proudly, so the rest of us can freely despise you, or change your outlook and your philosophy.
Mark Penn, Terry McAuliffe, Rahm Emanuel and a variety of other chiselers, charlatans, hucksters, fixers, self-promoters, and over-egoed dimwits are primarily responsible for every significant Democratic defeat from 1994 onwards. Deal with it. Stop blaming Nader, or some mythical person who held her breath in 2010 until her face turned blue, or purists, or stoners, or Fox News, or Vlad The Imputinent, or whomever the fuck else it pleases you to blame, other than the weak-brained weasels who all got paid millions of dollars to mastermind one spectacular failure after another.
Buy a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll live in his parents' basement defaulting on his student loans, unless you reorganize your economy via confiscatory taxation of wealth and direct government intervention in most aspects of economic life.
Just because I'm concerned, doesn't make me a troll. And just because somebody is a disputative, defensive jackass who keeps spinning out an argument via various rhetorical dodges so as to avoid admitting that he didn't know what the hell he was talking about, that he's wrong and I'm right, and that he feels really stupid, probably because he is really stupid, doesn't mean that person is a troll. Trolls know their argument makes no sense.
It is the criminal racket of Wall Street, and the endless flow of stolen treasure that rushes and tumbles forth from it, that provides the wealth that engenders the arrogance that permits a person from New York to believe, against all reasonable evidence, that New York "pizza" is superior to Chicago pizza. I would say, "fuggeddaboudit", except that contrary to what you all believe, that isn't cute, it's stupid.
And oh, sure, I've got more, but in the spirit of healing and community, I think I should go out on a truth that is not quite so divisive and uncomfortable as those that have preceded: Sarah Palin is really dumb.
Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
7:13 AM PT: Just remembered this one, which I lost in a browser crash while writing:
It was Adam and Eve, not Abel and Eve. Or was it? Were you there?