That's me in the corner

Note: This is just a modest little bit of art, an old personal piece that I lost in the dark corners of the interwebs and have reconstructed here so that I can share it with some friends. It stakes out no policy, makes no argument, promotes no candidate or issue and is probably not very useful at all in the end. It won't be everybody's cup of tea. But maybe someone will enjoy it. That's my hope anyway.

This is a love story and it's a bit on the sad side. There is nothing more human than sadness and sometimes it produces great art. I'm not so ambitious, I'm just hoping for the best.

Too sad for words

Sometimes I'm too sad for words
The whole damned world seems so absurd
It's the dumbest thing I ever heard
A writer who's too sad for words

~ anon

sadhu-with-water

Those last few mornings were whispered gold as autumn lingered. I still see you in my mind's eye moving with sublime grace against the smoky distance. You always evoked in me an ancient nostalgia, like I'd always known you, like we'd always been together.

That last weekend, in the cabin on the mountain. You, me and a rare state of grace. You were as gentle as your breath, putting me at ease, calming my spirit and soothing my soul. You were so abundantly and effortlessly everything that was missing in me. I remember how powerfully I felt it.

But that was long ago. The world has rarely been so kind, before or since. Our time together was, for me, a scrap of grace snatched from the jaws of harsh existence....just a dream...just a dream.

My best times with you are encoded in the most exquisite slow-mo somewhere deep in my brain. You have your own dedicated frequency and always have, an entire channel of my brain devoted to you. I remember everything about you, every detail: how I raised goosebumps on your skin, how you grabbed me and moaned, how you smelled like heaven and tasted of the earth. However deeply it is possible for one person to move another, that's how much you moved me.

I hated leaving you.

But I lived.

Though I never got over you.

It's all so long ago now. I remember...with a hunger for the recollection. I feel compelled to revisit and re-embrace the high points of my existence, to savor them once again as near as I am able. Some other points in the archaeological record prove irresistible as well, for good or ill. I suppose everyone goes through some version of this, rehashing ones existence, dabbling in nostalgia, combing through the memory banks, re-examining evidence, re-evaluating choices as life winds down and the end draws ever nearer. It seems we enter life searching for meaning and leave it in a like fashion. What's been gained or lost in the interim is a mystery.

I count myself lucky to have a vivid imagination and fortunate to remember so much so well, and to have so many wonderful memories like the wonderful memories I have of you.

Remember how we danced? We were so young, so excited to be alive and so fiercely determined to be free. We brimmed with barely contained energy as we explored earthly mysteries and danced timeless dances to ancient rhythms, reveling in the power of youthful abandon, our bodies writhing, our hearts pounding, our spirits soaring.

But the slow dances were what I lived for. I'll never forget how you felt in my arms, how perfectly we fit together, how you smelled, how you moved, how you made me feel.

All so very long ago.

As I remember, your eyes were bluer than robin's eggs.

I hope this little story of mine finds you. It says nothing perfectly and expresses only poorly all that I feel. I hope you're as happy as it's possible to be. And that you will always remember me as kindly as you are able.

girl-dancing-in-the-mountains-640px-peace-out

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Comments

I keep having to beg your indulgence. Hope you don't mind.

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enhydra lutris's picture

@OPOL
and contributor here and belong here. You are family and you post great stuff. Thank you for all of that, and for this latest post.

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That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or by any other controlling private power. -- Franklin D. Roosevelt --

@enhydra lutris Thanks man.

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gulfgal98's picture

@enhydra lutris OPOL has a certain perspective that is so full of kindness and humanity. His posts are like a refuge from the storm for me.

This one is particularly touching because I think that most of us can identify in some way with it. The pure beauty of the words brought tears to my own eyes and my heart was deeply touched. Thanks, OPOL.

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"I don't want to run the empire, I want to bring it down!" ~Dr. Cornel West

"There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare." Sun Tzu

@gulfgal98 That's so sweet. Thank you, gg.

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joe shikspack's picture

it's a real treasure to have sweet memories that burn brightly and a beautiful gift to all of us that you share them with.

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@joe shikspack Thanks very much, Joe. I appreciate it.

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Sweet and bitter and all too human. Glad you've found your voice again, mi hermano.

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Please help support caucus99percent!

@Dallasdoc Gracias, 'mano mio.

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JekyllnHyde's picture

@Dallasdoc

As I mentioned in his earlier diary, it was a delight to read both you and OPOL back in the day. I'm quite sure that I speak for a lot of people active (and lurking) on c99% when I say that the two of you were my very favorite writers on DK. Always insightful, original, provocative, and graceful in expressing your opinions.

If time permits, please post here more frequently. Many thanks.

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A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma

@JekyllnHyde Not sure why I checked in here the other day, but it's delightful to see so many old friends still here. Lately I've been sitting back and watching the train wreck, utterly unsurprised that the Democratic Party remains determinedly incapable of productive change. It's made me more cynical than ever, which is not a place from which I've wanted to do much writing.

Don't know if I'll stay active, but it's wonderful to see so many great folks still here.

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Please help support caucus99percent!

JekyllnHyde's picture

@Dallasdoc

Thanks for your response.

Can the Democratic Party change and redefine itself? Probably, for it has certainly done so several times in the past century or so. I would point out the following:

  • After Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson in 1912 was only the second Democratic President in the 5+ decades after Abraham Lincoln was elected in 1860. Even when FDR was first elected in 1932, people wondered if this unholy alliance between Northern liberals and Southern racists would ever end. By 1936, African-Americans had changed allegiances to the Democratic Party.
  • When Harry Truman ran in 1948, Strom Thurmond and his Dixiecrats - with some progressives opting for Henry Wallace - left the party. By the time of Lyndon Johnson and the war in Vietnam, I'm sure the concern was about war-happy Cold War liberals. This would not be addressed until the end of the Cold War, although the adventures in Afghanistan and Iraq have not alleviated such concerns.
  • Fast forward to Barack Obama in 2008. Thanks to Richard Nixon's "Southern Strategy" many in the South have long left the party in droves. By now, the party was multi-ethnic and poised for a resurgence on social, if not, on economic issues. After Hillary Clinton's defeat and the election of Donald Trump, the party is again wrestling with its identity with many dead-enders resisting progress. All indications are that much of the rank and file members (particularly Millenials), but certainly not the leadership, are anxious to embrace change. The Democratic Party could be ripe for another transformation.

I know some don't have much faith in elections and the electoral process. Others opt for external movements to pressure elected leaders, but such efforts are only successful if sympathetic politicians hold power. That said, and if it happens, the election of Bernie Sanders in 2020 can, and I believe, will contribute to substantial change. This is neither a Pollyanish nor naive belief of mine. It is, I believe, realistic and our only hope. Otherwise, we're stuck with this Orange Buffoon until 2024.

Getting to November 2020 is the difficult part.

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A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma

enhydra lutris's picture

@JekyllnHyde
apropos

I know some don't have much faith in elections and the electoral process. Others opt for external movements to pressure elected leaders, but such efforts are only successful if sympathetic politicians hold power.

The political classes will not act and couldn't get past the opposition of the other elites without feet in the streets, not here. Our history shows very much the opposite. Be that as it may, feet in the streets, alone, opposed by all of the elites, has never succeeded here unless some of the elites are cowed or convinced into going along, whether they fully buy in or not. Far too many corpses and split heads serve as testimony to that.

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That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or by any other controlling private power. -- Franklin D. Roosevelt --

JekyllnHyde's picture

@enhydra lutris

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A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma

@JekyllnHyde Thanks, brother, but I think we all look up to you.

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Wink's picture

four or five writers
@JekyllnHyde
over at ToP to anyone paying attention.
Mark from Queens another.
Please don't be a stranger, doc! Nor you, either, OPOL!

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the little things you can do are more valuable than the giant things you can't! - @thanatokephaloides. On Twitter @wink1radio. (-1.9) All about building progressive media.

gulfgal98's picture

@Dallasdoc I know you had taken a hiatus from the fray, but it is always good to see you and hear your voice. I hope you will not remain a stranger, if only to drop in occasionally.

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"I don't want to run the empire, I want to bring it down!" ~Dr. Cornel West

"There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare." Sun Tzu

janis b's picture

It seems we enter life searching for meaning and leave it in a like fashion. What's been gained or lost in the interim is a mystery.

... a mystery that may not be solved but intimately felt in the swaying and savouring of slow dances ...

All the best to you

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@janis b Thanks so much, Janis.

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@janis b P.S. I love that song.

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janis b's picture

@OPOL

in return for all that you inspire. Your words are such a beautiful reflection of the soul that animates you. May you continue forever to find peace in that deeply-felt place, knowing what beauty it sparks.

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@janis b Mucho amor, amiga.

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thanatokephaloides's picture

"Nothing is ever forgotten."

It applies here, frater carissime.

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"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

@thanatokephaloides Awesome, thanks.

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QMS's picture

is a balm for the sensitive soul.

Many thanks.

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Dance the resistance boogie

@QMS TYVM.

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Raggedy Ann's picture

You are a gifted writer. Thank you for taking me away to another place.
Give rose

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"They'll say we're disturbing the peace, but there is no peace. What really bothers them is that we are disturbing the war." Howard Zinn

@Raggedy Ann You're too kind, RA.

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It is so nice to have you back!

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@wouldsman I appreciate it. TYVM.

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detroitmechworks's picture

Sometimes it's important just to write what we want, not just what we think the world needs.

Thanks for the images, and music. Sometimes it's just nice to tell the world and it's fear and anger to fuck off, we're enjoying life.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

@detroitmechworks Right on.

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dkmich's picture

Over time you have shared glimpses of your life with us. No one can ever say you sat idly by and let life pass you by.

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"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon

*donate to c99 *like us on Facebook *follow us on Twitter

@dkmich lol - nope, I pretty much jumped right out in the street and got run over by it.

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Thanks for your posts, OPAL. You had some old timers checking in; I have seen some names that I had not seen in a long while.

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It's simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves that we've been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back. Carl Sagan

@chambord TYVM.

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yellopig's picture

It resonates deeply.

It's all so long ago now.

Our cabin was on a bay.

And

I hated leaving you.

But I lived.

Though I never got over you.

He died last August.

Peace to you, OPOL. Peace to us all.

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“We may not be able to change the system, but we can make the system irrelevant in our lives and in the lives of those around us.”—John Beckett

@yellopig So sorry to hear of your terrible loss. I'm just glad you had that special time together. Thank you for sharing your experience.

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mimi's picture

it makes me fall in love with several men at the same time. And YOU, OPOL, made that happen.

So, now tell me, how can I stand by and stick by my man? That's what I was raised to do ...

You are courageous to share all of it with us and so darn haunting the way you did it. Peace.

Be well. I believe we all love you and you should not forget that.

I need a textual smiley video of a beating heart...

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@mimi Oh mimi, I love you too. I've enjoyed our interactions over the years. You've been a great and supportive friend. I hope you're doing better than well and that your son is thriving. Take care, old friend and thanks for commenting.

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mimi's picture

@OPOL

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smiley7's picture

the mountain's bird-songs and cool wind this morning. Thank you.

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@smiley7 I appreciate it, man. Thanks, brother.

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Lookout's picture

Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
– Rossiter Worthington Raymond

“Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.” – Unknown

Shine on friend!
love is the movement.jpg

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“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

@Lookout Awesome. Thank you.

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that after time passes it feels good to remember something that hurt. I remember Harry Chapins "Taxi" being on the radio forever, but just not connecting with it....20 years later it was like hearing it for the first time, and being moved by it. Thanks for the moment.

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Wink's picture

my old hometown
@Snode
one afternoon.
"I spent a week there one afternoon.
About the town of Watertown, New York featured in his song, "A Better Place to Be"

And performed at the local community college.

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the little things you can do are more valuable than the giant things you can't! - @thanatokephaloides. On Twitter @wink1radio. (-1.9) All about building progressive media.

Wink's picture

@Wink

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the little things you can do are more valuable than the giant things you can't! - @thanatokephaloides. On Twitter @wink1radio. (-1.9) All about building progressive media.

enhydra lutris's picture

smoother.

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That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or by any other controlling private power. -- Franklin D. Roosevelt --

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mhagle's picture

Nothing else to say.

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Marilyn

"Make dirt, not war." eyo

earthling1's picture

And look at all the old names you brought out to greet you.
Amazing.
Heartfelt greetings to all.

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@earthling1 Thank you, earthling, I dig your planet. Biggrin

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