Resilience: Christmas During the Forgetting
https://www.resilience.org/stories/2018-12-25/christmas-during-the-forge...
In each of those places – in every place we have been human – mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, teenagers and children gathered around campfires and hearths, around tables and altars, and shared the songs and stories that made them who they were. They passed down skills and dishes, rituals and holidays. In more and more places around the world now, only the older people remember such things, while the kids play video games or watch Youtube memes, their bodies sitting next to their grandparents but with an interior world that would be alien to their forebears.
I hope you can take the time to read the entire article. It is lovely.
A couple of years ago I wrote a Facebook post bemoaning the loss of childhood traditions being unable to pass them on to my own children. Relief only came to me when I gave up. A thousand miles from home in time and space those things were gone forever. I now lived among those who knew nothing of that magic.
So I took the advice, "it is what it is." We started to do holiday meals with our next door neighbors. The first couple of years we called it Cowboy Christmas. We ate freshly smoked brisket, beans, and potato salad. Yesterday it was turkey, dressing, and ham. It is simple but has turned out to be nice.
New this year was taking bread and peach cobbler (our peaches) with a can of whipped cream to several close friends. My husband's new hobby is making rings from coins so we included a few of those as well. We used to do Wednesday after school play dates when our kids were little and don't see each other so often now. The look of delight on their faces was beautiful. Inexpensive and not that difficult on our part.
I am inspired by this article to restore old or invent new traditions. If any of you have simple special traditions to share, please do!
Comments
Bringing Michigan to Arizona
As a child, Sanders Chocolates of Detroit were among my favorite treats. Especially Bumpy Cakes, but also their dark chocolates and hot fudge sundaes. I started ordering Sanders goods at Christmas time and distributing the delectable yumminess to my Arizona neighbors a couple years ago.
That has me thinking . . .
Some non-offensive Norwegian treat to share. The sweet stuff is pretty good.
Actually, I live near Corsicana Texas and lots of folks from back home in the upper-midwest gave fruitcakes from Collin Street Bakery in Corsicana.
Marilyn
"Make dirt, not war." eyo
Resilience/forgetting
new member, first time commenting, long time lurker/admirer. i respect and appreciate this essay and full article. and i too am saddened, at times crushed when i glimpse the shards of forgotten ways. we are obviously in a major cultural transition, making it difficult to cling to our reasons for meaning. which hopefully means there is opportunity for new traditions. maybe one can't simply create new traditions, but merely celebrate what is meaningful and pertinent for each of us today. Keeping it going for as long as is our watch, and pray that it continues to morph with those who walk in our footprints. i think cowboy christmas, or singing door to door with refreshments is a solid start. Byrd Baylor has written numerous "childrens" books including one called 'I'm in Charge of Celebrations'. it's easy to use it as a "how to" to begin personal holidays.
maybe Dec 26 will become a launch into something positive and new, day for me...
listen to trees
Thank you for Byrd Baylor
I read her book "Amigo" to my kids when they were little but she has so much more to offer. I have ordered a used copy of "I'm in charge of celebrations" and see an audio collection of her stories on Scribd.
Yes. Glad for your comment.
Marilyn
"Make dirt, not war." eyo
JtC ditto
Glad you are here and posting. The more voices the merrier.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
Welcome falling stick...
nice to have you with us. Make yourself at home.
My experience is the opposite of yours.
I want to move on, create new traditions, and make Christmas for my now family uniquely our own. I wanted my mom to do it when she was alive, and now I want my daughter to do it. Instead my mom clung to the old family traditions while she was alive, and she passed them down to my my only child who clings to them now. Putting my imprint on Christmas never stood a chance.
Things change and traditions need to change. What fit yesterday doesn't necessarily fit today and stubbornly clinging to what was no matter how ill-fitting, only makes me more unhappy as the years pass. I want to experience the joy of new memories, not the drudgery of creating one more Christmas just like the last. Repetition is only good until it creates a rut that makes one stuck.
Sorry to be such a downer. I love my family. It is great to have time to spend together. But I absolutely hate Christmas, as we currently celebrate it.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
You're not a downer
I hate what it has become as well. I don't decorate. We don't do gift exchanges - except the kids did this year with each other because they wanted to. And that was cool. Going into Walmart in December makes me feel like barfing.
Like the author of the article said, Hollywood and advertising destroyed anything cool.
I kind of like the sound of that Wren Day ceremony. When I watched TV with small children, there was a Little Bear episode where they celebrated the winter solstice that I loved. Here's a clip.
[video:https://youtu.be/tj7II86Wpn8]
Marilyn
"Make dirt, not war." eyo
I wish everybody Happy Beethoven's Birthday
It seems all the non-tropical cultures need to celebrate the return/rebirth of the sun, like the Longest Night and Long Dance in UKL's Earthsea.
I think it's very painful to rip out the rituals which are grafted in during the formative years. It's like losing a body part. I tried with my folks to some extent, but left them happy with what they liked. But I try to add to it. It's like evolution: very little just goes away, but it keeps adding on and modifying. I still make the traditional lentil soup, but organic veg with morels.
That said, I'm always glad 12/26 when the frenzy is over and I can listen to the radio again (grin).
You think it ends 12/26?
For some of us the last "Big Day" is January 6 (Twelfth Night).
There is no justice. There can be no peace.
The capitalist frenzy drops off
No intention to slight anyone's holiday practices, but there's this major relaxation after the Big Day.
I used to snarkily say I'd celebrate Orthodox xms, so i could hit the sales, but then some asshole responded with "yeah, that's what all the jews do". Sigh. Can't win.
So wishing you, sincerely, a good season!
keeping it alive while the world changes
I went to a potluck with Hispanic friends, and sang Stille Nacht in German. Then they sang it in Spanish. Little bit of continuity, plus connection. We're all immigrants in this world.
More potlucks please
Revive potlucks!
In my lifetime they evolved from a delicious assortment of homecooked foods to a collection of hamburger helpers and stovetop dressings. In the end, they deserved to die.
I am sure they beautifully exist somewhere, but not currently in my realm.
Marilyn
"Make dirt, not war." eyo
Eggnog
We didn't know it was a potluck, so we contributed some wine and eggnog. It was a culture shock to see a roomful of people who didn't know what eggnog is. By the same token, I'd never had roasted yucca, so it was mutual education.
Potlucks are great for homemade food.
Christmas morning potluck with friends is our “new” tradition
My husband and I have a core group of friends/community who we have been sharing a Christmas potluck brunch with for now 14 years running. My friend makes mesquite flour waffles with homemade blueberry syrup, everyone brings something yummy to contribute, some folks show up in their pajamas. All adults, but it’s a time for us to kick back and be kids at heart. We make mimosas and eat and drink and be merry for a couple hours, then we play board games, card games, or watch funny Christmas movies in the afternoon. Then we head home for naps.
This was never planned to become a tradition. We had the first one all those years ago because several friends were not able to go ‘home’ anywhere and were aimless for Christmas so we said let’s do a brunch. It was so much fun, we did it again the next year. Attendance grew. It has become a meaningful tradition now, and something we all look forward to.
I had vowed to refuse to participate in any holiday obligations that left me feeling like I had to go through motions and rituals and put up with relatives or anyone else who I don’t want to be around. I’m too old for that now. Life is short. I’d rather spend the day reading a book. But, instead of the lonely vacuum that i was warned would result if I boycotted “tradition” Christmas, it has actually become a fun holiday again.
That might be a solution for us too
7 friend families. 2 are neighbors. 5 were part of our playdate group. Plus we did art camp for the kids in the summer. Kids are late high school or college age and don't really hang out with each other anymore. However, we parents are still great friends. So a holiday fun day . . . a monthly fun day . . . might be in order. Sounds great!
Marilyn
"Make dirt, not war." eyo
Wow, that sounds great
Mesquite waffles and blueberry syrup! I am SO jealous!
I just kind of wing it and do whatever's relaxing, now. But it's really good that you and your close ones have this tradition.
Defining Christmas for yourself
.
Sounds like a wonderful tradition!
While I enjoyed the holidays with family and friends, I'll be glad to get back to normal.
There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier
Wren Day
Interesting article at Resilience, about Wren Day. It made me think of an old Steeleye Span album and the song "Please to see the king". The liner notes said boys would carry a dead wren in a box door-to-door, say "please to see the king", show the wren, and get a small coin.
One of the pics at that page made me scratch my head, though. The musicians playing traditional tunes: one of them is playing a bouzoukia. Not that long ago, the only place I ever saw a bouzoukia was in the Greektown belly-dancer bar. People celebrate traditional Celtic music, and they're playing guitars (Spain or Caliphate?), banjos (Africa?) and bouzoukias (Greece?). Sometimes you hear fiddles, harps and budhrans. I know the main thing is the music, the melody, harmony and rhythm, but the medium is also the message and to an extent the instrument makes the music. The choice of instrument gives the timbre.
Traditions need a permanant location.
Hence while the Media might have provided the means and tools, the death of tradition can be pointed straight at the heads of the capitalists who made certain that land ownership is only a dream for the younger generations.
Why do traditions, when there will be nothing for your children to latch onto?
Why attach a significance to a place, when that place might need to be abandoned on a moment's notice?
Of course, don't you DARE latch on to anything European, because that means you're racist.
And don't do anything Asian, because that's Appropriation.
In fact, don't do anything, because that's the only way you can be sure to stay out of trouble.
So, I've cheerfully decided to ignore that, and completely embrace my upbringing, family and relatively moral values. (I mean, if William the Conqueror got to go to heaven, I know I ACED that curve.) Traditions, well... my kids already know the Greek myths as well as I do. So we enjoy our yearly viewing of Ray Harryhausen's "Jason And the Argonauts" every Thanksgiving, enjoy our Turkey, and relax. We're trying some new stuff...
I may not be able to save the shattered traditions of the past... but I'm ready to try my hand at a Mosaic.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
That all sounds nice . . .
Very nice.
Marilyn
"Make dirt, not war." eyo
Donating to your favorite cause
in the person’s name you’re gifting. Started by my kids when the were in their eatly 20s. We are still doing it 20 years later and have expanded to add new family members and the members of their families. The young ones got tired of the madness and changed it for all of us. Now we just enjoy family and friends, hiking and eating.
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Selling Santa Claus
Interesting bit of trivia that Coca-Cola created the ubiquitous image of Santa Claus we all grew up with. Proof how undiscriminating people are in relation to the marketing ploys foisted on us.
Thoughtful essay Marilyn.
There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier
I admire the Dutch for maintaining “Sinterklaas” traditions
(arrives on a steamboat from Spain, rides a horse, brings gifts on December 5, etc.) that are quite different from the Santa Claus legend (sleigh and flying reindeer from the North Pole, brings gifts on December 25).
It can’t have been easy to resist the marketing pressure.
Our tradition
is just having family get together for dinner on Christmas day.
Had about 30 of us crowded into my humble abode. But everyone brought a dish and a "White Elephant" gift and a lot of laughter.
On another note, someone asked me what I liked most about Christmas and I replied;
"The days start getting longer."
Neither Russia nor China is our enemy.
Neither Iran nor Venezuela are threatening America.
Cuba is a dead horse, stop beating it.