Overnight Caption Contest (XXII)

iranbriefingtrump.png

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snoopydawg's picture

Pence:"Dafuq you you yapping about, Donald? You started this massive F-up when you withdrew from the Iran deal. You own this mess."

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16 users have voted.

“Restoring the soul of this nation” is just MAGA with more words

Twitter is like a game of telephone

Bollox Ref's picture

Andorra has agreed to unconditional surrender. American military might prevails once again.'

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15 users have voted.

Gëzuar!!
from a reasonably stable genius.

Pricknick's picture

when it craps on the livingroom floor.

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17 users have voted.

Regardless of the path in life I chose, I realize it's always forward, never straight.

janis b's picture

@Pricknick

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18 users have voted.
thanatokephaloides's picture

..... as The Donald pulls his Akkadian routine and continues to Babylon......

Bad

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11 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

Lookout's picture

...and profit is god. ?

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13 users have voted.

“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

thanatokephaloides's picture

@Lookout

War is good... ...and profit is god. ?

Not just not Amen, but NO WAY-men!

Bad

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8 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

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20 users have voted.
snoopydawg's picture

Tell em Bernie? On ByeDone's plan there will still be millions who can't afford to see a doctor.

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19 users have voted.

“Restoring the soul of this nation” is just MAGA with more words

Twitter is like a game of telephone

DJT: "You WILL respect my authoritah!"

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16 users have voted.
Not Henry Kissinger's picture

@JtC

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17 users have voted.

The current working assumption appears to be that our Shroedinger's Cat system is still alive. But what if we all suspect it's not, and the real problem is we just can't bring ourselves to open the box?

Raggedy Ann's picture

am slowly turning those behind me and around me, different shades of Orange. Orange is the new White, as in - look out for the new paint job on the White, NO! Orange House!

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14 users have voted.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." E.M.Foster

Nothing else matters.

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13 users have voted.
thanatokephaloides's picture

@on the cusp

I am President.

Nothing else matters.

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8 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

Not Henry Kissinger's picture

iranbriefing-trump.cap1_.png

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32 users have voted.

The current working assumption appears to be that our Shroedinger's Cat system is still alive. But what if we all suspect it's not, and the real problem is we just can't bring ourselves to open the box?

@Not Henry Kissinger
e-mailing that picture!

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15 users have voted.

I've seen lots of changes. What doesn't change is people. Same old hairless apes.

@Not Henry Kissinger
are accounted for except for General Nukes. He must be the pupprtmaster, hand up the back working the dummy's mouth.

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18 users have voted.
Bisbonian's picture

@Not Henry Kissinger , ... but it's not a caption. The words are on the picture.

I'm looking through the rules to see if we can come up with some sort of exception.

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14 users have voted.

"I’m a human being, first and foremost, and as such I’m for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole.” —Malcolm X

Not Henry Kissinger's picture

@Bisbonian

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16 users have voted.

The current working assumption appears to be that our Shroedinger's Cat system is still alive. But what if we all suspect it's not, and the real problem is we just can't bring ourselves to open the box?

Bisbonian's picture

@Not Henry Kissinger , lay off those blue pills.

Or was it the red ones. I can never remember.

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12 users have voted.

"I’m a human being, first and foremost, and as such I’m for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole.” —Malcolm X

janis b's picture

@Bisbonian

I'm not flying with you ; ).

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7 users have voted.
PriceRip's picture

@Bisbonian

          Here is a handy mnemonic: Think of reality as the social construct that allows you to say, "my opinion matters" and Reality is the Real Reality in which you know "my opinion does not matter". Let Reality be the Red pill, and reality be the Blue pill.

          Take the Red pill and you see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

          Take the Blue pill and you believe what you want to believe.

RIP

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9 users have voted.

"I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
Robert J. McCloskey, U.S. State Department spokesman. From a press briefing during the Vietnam war.

thanatokephaloides's picture

@PriceRip

Here is a handy mnemonic: Think of reality as the social construct that allows you to say, "my opinion matters" and Reality is the Real Reality in which you know "my opinion does not matter". Let Reality be the Red pill, and reality be the Blue pill.

Take the Red pill and you see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Take the Blue pill and you believe what you want to believe.

"And the ones that Mother gives you don't do anything at all." -- Jefferson Airplane

Smile

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6 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

... gitchah self some bettah company, Donald.

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15 users have voted.

Lurking in the wings is Hillary, like some terrifying bat hanging by her feet in a cavern below the DNC. A bat with theropod instincts. -- Fred Reed https://tinyurl.com/vgvuhcl

janis b's picture

Trump’s hands on the podium look like the reverse of the eagles wings. I wish he’d fly away to another planet and never return, taking all his followers with him, along with all their killing machines. They can battle it out among themselves, far removed from earth.

While driving I heard an abbreviated part of his speech. I closed the windows so other drivers didn’t have to listen to the mortifying voice of america. A few minutes later on National Radio an aviation specialist spoke. He made the argument that if the videos of the plane explosion and falling parts were accurate, it had to have been targeted or from a bomb on the plane.

Good luck, world.

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19 users have voted.
Not Henry Kissinger's picture

@janis b reelection.jpg

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23 users have voted.

The current working assumption appears to be that our Shroedinger's Cat system is still alive. But what if we all suspect it's not, and the real problem is we just can't bring ourselves to open the box?

janis b's picture

@Not Henry Kissinger @Not Henry Kissinger

What is the umlaut doing over the english word 'reelection' ?

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8 users have voted.
Not Henry Kissinger's picture

@janis b

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10 users have voted.

The current working assumption appears to be that our Shroedinger's Cat system is still alive. But what if we all suspect it's not, and the real problem is we just can't bring ourselves to open the box?

janis b's picture

@Not Henry Kissinger

to blame the Germans. America does it so well by itself.

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15 users have voted.
Bisbonian's picture

@janis b , like most specialists on 24 hour news channels, is wrong. It's the same kind of plane as this. One fan blade failed, the engine went out of balance, and the cowling was eaten, large chunks of it hit the fuselage (and then fell to the ground), killing a passenger. Had the fan blade come loose in many other directions, it could have punctured a fuel tank (as happened with a QANTAS Airbus 380), started a massive fire...and more parts would have fallen to the ground. A bomb or a missile could have had similar effects, so...we wait.

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20 users have voted.

"I’m a human being, first and foremost, and as such I’m for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole.” —Malcolm X

janis b's picture

@Bisbonian

but I found the reference here.

I know you are an aviation expert, so I appreciate your personal perspective.

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9 users have voted.
travelerxxx's picture

@Bisbonian @Bisbonian

I agree with what you're saying, Bisbonian. In nearly 40 years of aircraft maintenance (mainly turbine helicopters), I've seen some of the damage done when a turbine engine shucks a turbine blade or compressor blade. Fan blades on turbo-fan engines are about the same – just larger.

What happens is a very big mess, very quickly. Quickly, like in less than the blink of an eye. The pieces are spun off from rotating assemblies which are spinning at tens of thousands of RPMs. The hot metal flung from a disintegrating engine can punch through just about anything and often those holes look as though they were cut by lasers. The temperature of all this debris can be anywhere from 500F degrees to well over 1500F. Hot enough to easily light off atomized turbine fuel, which will be blowing all over the place due to severed fuel lines and damaged fuel control accessories mounted to, or near, the engine.

Engines can be violently ripped from their mounts due to sudden and extreme unbalance. Structure is often severely damaged when this occurs. Collateral damage often occurs to unrelated systems such as hydraulics, surface controls, and electrical. While there is redundancy on most systems, sometimes you've only got one of a particular thing. Like a right-hand wing, for instance.

Supposedly this was a rather new aircraft. As a mechanic, that means I trust it less. Gawd only knows what got overlooked at a factory. And just because it says "Boeing" on the data plate means nothing. Parts to aircraft are sourced from all over the globe these days. Even parts of parts could be coming from who-knows-where.

Further, should a fan blade get chucked, as Bisbonian offers, recent maintenance means little. Fan blades are directly exposed to whatever they happen to suck in – birds, rocks, wallets, parts of aircraft on runways, etc. Just a tiny unseen nick can quickly lead to catastrophic failure, especially if that nick is near the root of the blade.

So, yeah, while the timing is suspect, it may be that the time and place had nothing to do with the crash. Or maybe it did. Maybe the pilots were nervous to get going and didn't do quite as through a walk-around as they might have normally done. Possibly they were distracted and missed something; maybe even something obvious. Maybe not.

Maybe a missile went up the exhaust. Maybe not.

Time will tell. Maybe. Since politics and various war-mongers are afoot, we may never know the truth. Right now, all we know is that a bunch of innocent folks are dead.

[Edit: By the way, sorry to derail all the fun. I probably should've posted this in some other thread.]

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20 users have voted.

@travelerxxx
Sometime prior to 1973.

A big bump on takeoff. I thought "Man, that landing gear was rough!". Plane arches over and pilot announces (very calmly) that we are returning to the airport. I lean past my partner (He was sitting in the window seat). I see the pier rushing up as we are skimming just above the water. All the while Ed is saying "I knew it! I knew it!" over and over. "Knew what Ed?" "This is is Friday the 13th and we are sitting in 13 F & G. I knew it!". We did land, very smoothly. The stewardesses were visibly annoyed that everyone kept asking, "Does this mean we get free booze?" I saw the left engine as I departed. A giant hole in it. it looked like about five rows of blades were missing. Officially, we took in a bird. I think that the engine suffered infant mortality and a blade cracked off. The plane was brand new. They flew an empty L-1011 from Chicago to get us just so we wouldn't be afraid of them (L-1011 was a new plane then). Yes, we got free booze. Passengers overwhelmed the carts in a feeding frenzy. Disgusting!

A month later, our boss called us into the office. He told us that his sister, a stewardess, was on the same flight. I repeated, "Man, I thought we wouldn't clear that pier." Boss said, "My sister says, the pilot didn't think he would make it either." Yet, he sounded bored and unconcerned on the intercom. A real pro. Probably ex-military. Most of them were in those days.

Apologies for "stewardess" instead of "flight attendant". That's what everybody said at the time.

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10 users have voted.

I've seen lots of changes. What doesn't change is people. Same old hairless apes.

Creosote.'s picture

@travelerxxx @travelerxxx
because you can translate it to the deadliness of the less visible permanent damage
we now see the psyche routinely subjected to.

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1 user has voted.
The Liberal Moonbat's picture

...ever dreading that his next meal might just be the one that somehow ensnared him into sitting, trapped and helpless, at a small candlelit table for two with an unwed young woman (for some reason, in his visions these women were *always* long-legged, of Dutch extraction, highly proficient in Winchester-brand firearms, and wearing one - or more!? - of those strange snap-on fox-tail toys he'd noticed were en vogue among some younger voters); hunger was beginning to get to him. He looked to his indomitable Commander-in-Chief for support, but there was nobody at the podium...save for an enormous, talking shank of sugar-glazed ham, with the brand 'John 6:56' stamped invitingly on its side...."

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18 users have voted.

In the Land of the Blind, the one-eyed man is declared insane when he speaks of colors.

Not Henry Kissinger's picture

@The Liberal Moonbat

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12 users have voted.

The current working assumption appears to be that our Shroedinger's Cat system is still alive. But what if we all suspect it's not, and the real problem is we just can't bring ourselves to open the box?

janis b's picture

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8 users have voted.
Bisbonian's picture

@The Liberal Moonbat

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8 users have voted.

"I’m a human being, first and foremost, and as such I’m for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole.” —Malcolm X

thanatokephaloides's picture

@The Liberal Moonbat

"Pence had been fasting for over a week now...

... He looked to his indomitable Commander-in-Chief for support, but there was nobody at the podium...save for an enormous, talking shank of sugar-glazed ham, with the brand 'John 6:56' stamped invitingly on its side...."

Where did this passage come from?

(It's really good!)

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4 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

The Liberal Moonbat's picture

@thanatokephaloides If you just mean my whole thing there, I made it up on the spot for this.

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6 users have voted.

In the Land of the Blind, the one-eyed man is declared insane when he speaks of colors.

thanatokephaloides's picture

@The Liberal Moonbat

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2 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

Pluto's Republic's picture

MONDAY:

"...In order to free us, Iran demands that every US citizen must write a personal check for one-tenth of their yearly income. As we suspected, they have the IRS data. So, if you earned $30 thousand dollars last year, please write a check for $3,000 and take it to your local post office today. They will deposit it in the "Return the Hostages" fund in Tehran."

.
TUESDAY:

"...If everyone makes their payment today, we could be back in Washington as soon as tomorrow running the country. Your response to this crisis has been great."

.
WEDNESDAY:

"...should be back in Washington protecting American citizens. And draining the swamp. Am I Right? Today, a patriot got a message to us. He said he was short of cash, but then he remembered he could get a title loan on his car. We hope his American ingenuity will inspire you to take your check to the post office, today, and Make America Great Again!"

.
THURSDAY:

"...against International Law to hold us in these conditions. The jails of Iran are terrible. They make American jails look like Trump Tower. By the way, the post office is giving free patriot stickers to every American who pay their share of the ransom today. We can't wait to get back to Washington to deliver the government services we know you need. Thank you, America."

.
FRIDAY:

"...we've also been discussing college loans with low-interest rates, half-price eye exams, and other generous policies for all citizens. Our goal is to help the American people reach their full potential and find full-time jobs. We're also committed to helping the disabled get back to work again. We intend to put these policies in place as soon as we return. Please make that happen. Drop your check at the post office today."

.
SATURDAY:

"...can't impress upon you enough how important it is for us to get back and oversee government operations immediately. All of our lives hang in the balance. We're asking those who received those generous tax cuts, especially, to help cover those who are living paycheck-to-paycheck and struggling to feed their children. Please dig deep. We told Iran that our patriots will make every effort to free us. God bless you."

.
SIX MONTHS LATER:

"...told them that the dentists in the jails of the United States are the best in the world. The warden says Iranians are impressed by the generosity of the American people! He said our daily reality show is very popular in Iran. When they heard how much you missed us running the government, the Iranian people have also started sending checks to the "Return the Hostages" fund. How about that? Remember, it's never too late to Make America Great Again!"

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17 users have voted.

"There will be no end to the troubles of States, or of Humanity itself, until Philosophers become Kings in this world — or until those we now call kings and rulers truly become Philosophers." — Plato
janis b's picture

@Pluto's Republic

best presented by Bill Hicks or Carlin, both gone unfortunately.

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15 users have voted.
mimi's picture

@janis b
not me.

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5 users have voted.

"heh, as they say, if you don't dig the blues, you got a hole in your soul" - JS

janis b's picture

@mimi

I know your want to laugh, maybe not about this stuff, but what about this?

This may be my favourite advertisement for anysink .

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12 users have voted.
mimi's picture

@janis b

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7 users have voted.

"heh, as they say, if you don't dig the blues, you got a hole in your soul" - JS

janis b's picture

@mimi

so now what do I have to post to make you laugh ; )

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8 users have voted.
janis b's picture

@janis b

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8 users have voted.
mimi's picture

@janis b
I often wondered why there are so many good comedians in the US. Now it's so bad that we need them in Germany too.

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8 users have voted.

"heh, as they say, if you don't dig the blues, you got a hole in your soul" - JS

mimi's picture

@janis b
you saved me from sinking and got me thinking. Smile

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11 users have voted.

"heh, as they say, if you don't dig the blues, you got a hole in your soul" - JS

Pluto's Republic's picture

@janis b

or an SNL-type skit. Scripts that are not that funny without actors.

Then I started thinking it might be a concept for sitcom, or even a stage play, where the President of an unnamed country, along with his cabinet board the wrong plane and are somehow taken hostage by an "enemy" nation that never wanted to fight with them in the first place. Meanwhile, now that they are gone, the citizens of their home country are not in a rush to pay the exorbitant ransom. The longer they delay, the more conditions at home start to improve. The citizens are no longer losing sleep over Russians and World War III. The hostages are in denial about this and come up with elaborate narratives to explain the rescue delay, brainwashing themselves in the process. Their captors allow them to make one broadcast each day to plead with their country to negotiate for their release. The hostages are not aware that talented young filmmakers edit their broadcasts, adding inserts of the jail's survellience videos and the hostages open mic bloopers where they reveal their past political hijinks. The finished broadcast is then uploaded to a Youtube, which their captors have monetized... because the hostages have become an Internet phenomenon and a scandalous train-wreck of a Reality Show. The entire world is hooked.

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15 users have voted.

"There will be no end to the troubles of States, or of Humanity itself, until Philosophers become Kings in this world — or until those we now call kings and rulers truly become Philosophers." — Plato
janis b's picture

@Pluto's Republic

for your talented mind acrobatics!

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4 users have voted.
Bisbonian's picture

@janis b

Doug Stanhope.

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4 users have voted.

"I’m a human being, first and foremost, and as such I’m for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole.” —Malcolm X

earthling1's picture

and his Band of Ghouls.
Tickets on sale now.

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14 users have voted.

After six years, still getting robo-calls from Marriot Hotels.
They're like herpes.

Situational Lefty's picture

"Man that guy's comb-over is epic! ... I need a new stylist."

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9 users have voted.

"The enemy is anybody who is going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on." Yossarian

mimi's picture

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6 users have voted.

"heh, as they say, if you don't dig the blues, you got a hole in your soul" - JS

mimi's picture

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7 users have voted.

"heh, as they say, if you don't dig the blues, you got a hole in your soul" - JS

janis b's picture

@mimi

I'm not laughing.

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5 users have voted.
thanatokephaloides's picture

@mimi

Das erste Opfer des Krieges, so ein Spruch, ist die Wahrheit

The first victim of war, as the saying goes, is the truth

Sun Tzu would agree with you: "All war is deception."

Bad

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4 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

I am pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes. Hey, hey wait a minute, which one of you assbag morons gave me Clinton's speech script?! To the Tweeter machine for firings! Covfefe!

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8 users have voted.
thanatokephaloides's picture

@Reverend Jane Ignatowski

Wink

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2 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

@thanatokephaloides

The joke was supposed to be that Clinton would have said the same thing, but more seriously, and Trump doesn't care about factual distinctions as much as whipping up partisan bs, but I guess my comedy is more rusty than subtle/clever. Thankfully, at least I amuse myself, heh.

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4 users have voted.
Socialprogressive's picture

are now rethinking their decision to allow the village idiot to speak.

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9 users have voted.

During the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies.
Does anyone know if they have anything like that planned when this one ends?
(asking for a friend)

CB's picture

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4 users have voted.
CB's picture

@CB

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5 users have voted.
thanatokephaloides's picture

@CB

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3 users have voted.

"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

wendy davis's picture

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5 users have voted.