Kapitol Killers, starring A. Occasional-Cortex, aided by N. Pelosi (S.F.)

Statement of Bias: Biden sucks--watch out if he puts his teeth in when he does.

This literature is produced in Amurika. My opinions are currently assisted by Helix Eat Sleep Rock. Headphones, always.

Fellow Swampers,

I am alarmed and horrified, indeed--I, an Alligator--is horrified! Blood is soon to flow in D.C. Oops, already happened January 6 (aka The Insurrection). Now, after whispers abounded for several hours or days at most, about terroristic threats against the Prima della Villa, her opulence Alexandria O-C herself--yes HERSELF--has proclaimed that Senator Ted Cruz, R-TX, has been trying to have her murdered or perhaps murders her himself.

Indeed this sudden outburst of violent speech, let alone violent actions has been unknown in Washington D.C. since 1865--until January 6, 2021. The event shall forever be known as "The Insurrection". As I am but a gentle, aquatic creature, such naked violence is scary!

Now that Biden Bids Us Unite (BBUU), such social disruptions can not be permitted. No hostility in our soon to be reunited, fractious fractured battlefield shall be tolerated.

Thus admonished, by AOC et al of Republican assassins lurking, perhaps ensconced in secret sconces, it is readily evident that such a combative attitude, instigated most likely by Republicans, should be investigated by the appropriate agencies involved in criminal investigation.

ACTION!

That's what this system needs. A purge perhaps of those Right Wingers. Let's give the accused a fair trial like kindly Uncle Joe Stalin used to afford the recipients of his tender mercies.

So, with hot blood running through my reptilian veins, I was driven to a flurry of activity (I have no idea idea what a flurry for activity would look like). With the help of modern technology, I spawned seven (7) letters to various recipients. Those will be revealed in the set below.

Letter requesting Official Inquiry into recent accusations of malicious intent against members of the House of Representatives.

January 31, 2021

Senator Feinstein
331 Hart Senate Office Bldg
Washington, DC 20510

Dear Senator Feinstein

As a California citizen concerned for the welfare of our elected leaders, I write to you requesting a criminal investigation be launched concerning threats of murder being voiced by several members of Congress leveled against several political persons in both the House of Representatives and the U.S. Senate.

In particular, I refer to statements made by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) claiming that Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) is trying to kill her. This is a very serious charge. Is Senator Cruz plotting to kill Rep. Ocasio-Cortez. This is a mater of urgency. Being law enforcement officers, you surely understand that such claims of terroristic threats MUST be investigated promptly.

Secondly, equally disturbing, is a statement by Speaker Nancy Pelosi that: “I do believe, and I have said this all along, that we will probably need a supplemental for more security for members when the enemy is within the House of Representatives, a threat members are concerned about in audition to what is happening outside”.

The Speaker’s remarks clearly imply members of the House of Representatives of the House pose active physical threats to other members. This, combined with Ocasio-Cortez’s claims of life threats paint a very dire picture of unsafe conditions within both Houses of Congress.

I hope you will treat this matter with the urgency and seriousness deserved. A thorough investigation of those charged with threats to other Representatives must be mounted. The evidence obtained therefrom should be made public. The fate of any Representatives so injured or killed after such terroristic threats is in your hands. Failure of the D.C. Capitol Police will represent an abdication of their duty to Protect and Serve.

With utmost concern,

Your most obedient subservient constituent,

Ed Alligator

AND THEN

The missive was sent to the following list of malefactors (er...elected leaders):

cc: Rep. Salud Carbajal (D-CA)
Sen Gary Peters (D-MI), Senate Permanent subcommittee on investigation.
Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) Senate Permanent Committee on investigation.
Rep. Bennie G. Thompson (D-MS) House Homeland Security Committee
Rep. John Katko (R-NY) House Homeland Security Committee
Washington D.C. Capitol Police

Those of you who are terrified of further right-wing violence, please send a serious letter expressing your horror to as many as them Congress Critters as you can tolerate.

Maybe we can instigate some action by demanding a serious investigation.

We must alarm the populace. Call the Cops. Summon the FBI.

As you know, violence, fellow swampers, doesn't solve anything (except my hunger).

Here is a musical warning for this imminent insanity.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwy5BwDz1Tw]

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Alligator Ed's picture

Head phones of course

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0dn0-YkgrU]

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RantingRooster's picture

wouldn't lose any sleep, but maybe cry crocodile tears, if someone took out Ted "the grand poobah of the Texas Taliban Tea Party" Cruz. Maybe he will drown in the bath tub Grover Norquist wanted to drown the government in?

Maybe his QAnon buddy House Rep. Greene can hang out together and plan the next insurrection?

Greene, a onetime far-right online commentator, has a history of promoting violent ideas and beliefs. This week, social media postings surfaced showing she had liked Facebook posts that advocated violence against Democrats, including one that suggested shooting Pelosi in the head.

Why don't we just let everyone wear a six gun on their hip and pretend this is the old west? Isn't that what republicans want anyway? Carry guns anywhere and shoot anyone they want?

Of course I would prefer a browning 9mm with a 14 round clip to a six gun...

Glad to see ya back on the farm!

As I am but a gentle, aquatic creature

lol!

Just for you!
[video:https://youtu.be/6XpA5LJskUc]

Drinks

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C99, my refuge from an insane world. #ForceTheVote

Alligator Ed's picture

@RantingRooster When walking on land, I prefer a Sig 229 to a Browning. Seventeen (17) shot mag beat 14. Although here in Californicate, we are limited, currently, to 10 round mags.

Don't forget the John Brown Gun Club. Shows that some Lefties have balls, though not many. Can't let all the RW'ers have all the fun.

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wendy davis's picture

inquiring minds and all that rot... ; )

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Alligator Ed's picture

@wendy davis @wendy davis the stamps are "pre-licked". One merely needs to contact the naked back of said stamp against the envelope or 55 gallon drum for that matter (many, many stamps needed to mail the latter).

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CB's picture

I do hope you can stay for dinner?

To Sum Up

Alligator meat is filed with several delicious contradictions.

Some parts of it are lightweight and mild, while other parts are heavier and dark. Even so, the reptile meat is also healthy and safe to eat.

Therefore, there is no reason not to try out the delicious delicacy that is alligator.

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Alligator Ed's picture

@CB Although alligator meat might be tasty, you my dear cat, are never going to taste mine--but I do enjoy the occasional fur ball that wanders close to the swamp. The look of horror on their faces when they realize that they are going to be dinner, is...shall we say, delicious! Adds to the flavor.

This overgrown pussy thought he had me until I flipped on my back and drowned it.

Say, how 'bout coming to my swamp and we can, as they say, chew the cat, er fat?

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