After reading StephenD's fabulous essay, it got me to thinking about how the Convention will unfold. Now, maybe I'm just odd or perhaps a little slap-happy what with the increasing primary craziness, but the following scene popped into my head almost immediately at the thought of party 'unity' as seen from the Establishment's point of view.

(Transcript of the relative portion, but the whole concept plays out through the end. I see Jake as the Establishment, btw.)

Jake meets his sweetheart face-to-face.

Elwood:
Who IS that girl?

Mystery Woman:
Well, Jake! You look just fine down there... slithering in the mud... like vermin.

Jake [to Elwood]:
No problem...

Mystery Woman [shooting machinegun at Jake]:
You're not going to get away from me this time!

Jake:
It's good to see you, sweetheart!

Mystery Woman:
You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favors with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you... and your brother.

Jake [falling to his knees]:
Oh, please, don't kill us! Please, please don't kill us! You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault!

Mystery Woman:
You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.

Jake:
No, I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!