Apropos to today's date, 3/17

Submitted by thanatokephaloides on Fri, 03/17/2023 - 5:12pm

Irish Golfer And The Leprechaun

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.

He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."

The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."

Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.

The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"

The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time."

"I did that for you," responds the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?"

"Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill" he replied.

The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?"

Now the golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."

Floored the leprechaun stammers, "Once or twice a week?"

The golfer looks at him sheepishly and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

source

Tags:

Leprechauns

Ireland

Saint Patrick's Day

golf

funny

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Comments

Submitted by QMS on Fri, 03/17/2023 - 6:08pm

That's a good one

Born a mick, of the orange flavor.
Celebrated today (cause I'm half Scot)
with a 1/2 pint Dewars and a big can of
Guiness chilled. Good combo.

Erin go bragh.

Submitted by on the cusp on Fri, 03/17/2023 - 7:58pm

When I think of the Irish,

I think of this.

—

"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false." ---- William Casey, CIA Director, 1981

Submitted by The Liberal Moonbat on Tue, 03/21/2023 - 11:15am

the version I heard was a little different

I'm going from memory here, but it went something like this:

An American (and like most Americans, not an experienced traveler) goes to Ireland; while there, he happens to be in a public men's room when an alarmingly short man, with wild red hair and bushy beard, comes in and starts using the urinal next to him.
The tourist, who is himself rather tall, accidentally allows his gaze to wander to the other stall, and he is so shocked to see just how well-endowed this little local is that he cannot help but blurt out, "WOW, that's HUGE!" or something totally gauche like that.
What follows is an awkward silence as the two men finish, followed by our tourist friend trying to apologize.
"It's just, y'know, I've always had adequacy issues; I may be tall, but I wish I was that big where it counts!"

"Och, think nuffin' of it, lad!" Replies the little Irishman.
"In fact, I'll let ye in on a little secret: I happen to be a leprechaun, and like the fair Blarney Stone, the good fortune of us Mound-Folk can be bestowed upon others in exchange fer simple acts o' kindness..."

"Huh? I'm sorry, I don't follow."

"I can transfer me prowess onter you if ye just suck me wang!"

...

Now, our tourist friend is straight as an arrow and always has been, so he kind of balks at this...but he REALLY wants to be as big downstairs as his new acquaintance, so he sets his jaw, closes his eyes, thinks of Ohio, and fellates the little Irishman to completion.

"Wow," Says the tourist once he's finished.
"I can't believe I'm finally gonna have a dick that big!"

"...And I can't believe ye thought I was a leprechaun!!!"

—

In the Land of the Blind, the One-Eyed Man is declared mentally ill for describing colors.

Yes Virginia, there is a Global Banking Conspiracy!

Submitted by dystopian on Fri, 03/17/2023 - 10:28pm

my entry on the theme

This might be Irishish? Not for the sensitive! A smidgen saucy... j/k on the smidgen part...

—

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
both - Albert Einstein

Submitted by thanatokephaloides on Sat, 03/18/2023 - 12:21am