For all you Christians out there, Happy Easter Sunday. Yes, I'm aware of the bizarre twists and turns this completely Syncretic holiday went down. But at least you get a combination of Martyr complex with a Germanic Goddess of fertility. That would make for some really weird Fanfiction, I must say. Either that or the next big Tween Love story.

So, after the big day yesterday, I couldn't help but imagine Hillary having a few words for DWS. So without further ado, I present to you The Caucus99Percent Theater Troupe rendition of:

The Dead Gimmick Sketch

Ms. Clinton: Hello, I wish to file a complaint.
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz: We're closing for Senate Recess.
FSC: Never mind that, my toadie. I wish to complain about this candidacy which I purchased a decade ago from this very Party.
DWS: Oh yes, the, uh, the Inevitable Candidacy...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?
FSC: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, you idiot. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
DWS: No, no, uh,... It's an just a dip in the polls.
FSC: Look, Debbie, I know a dead Marketing gimmick when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
DWS: No no it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! Remarkable Idea, the Inevitable Candidacy, idn'it, ay? Fantastic Focus Testing!
FSC: The Focus Testing don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
DWS: Nononono, no, no! It's just message fatigue!
FSC: All right then, if it's just in need of a marketing surge, I'll wake it up! (shouting at a nearby Microphone) Hello, Mr. BLITZER! I've got a lovely fresh Neilsen Rating for you if you show...
(Debbie Points to a graph)
DWS: There, it moved!
FSC: No, it didn't, that was you lying about the Superdelegates!
DWS: I never!!
FSC: Yes, you did!
DWS: I never, never did anything...
FSC: (yelling and hitting a microphone repeatedly) HELLO Rachel Maddow!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes Mike and thumps it on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
FSC: Now that's what I call a dead Gimmick.
DWS: No, no.....No, They're stunned!
FSC: STUNNED?!?
DWS: Yeah! You stunned them, just as they were going to vote! Inevitability Candidacies stun folks easily, Ms. Future-President.
FSC: Um...now look...now look, Debbie, I've definitely had enough of this. That Gimmick is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it a decade ago, you assured me that its total lack of youth appeal was due to it being a message that only appealed to the serious voters.
DWS: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably only because the voters are all racists.
FSC: They're ALL RACISTS!?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did it fall flat the moment I got out of the south?
DWS: The Inevitable Candidate prefers being flat and in the south! Remarkable idea, id'nit, your majesty. Great Focus Testing!
FSC: Look, I took the liberty of examining that gimmick when It lost the first time, and I discovered the only reason that it had been bandied about in the media in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
DWS: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that gimmick down, it would have nuzzled up to those voters, Stunned them with the sheer truth, and VOOM! They'd have installed you as a Queen!
FSC: "VOOM"?!? Sweetheart, this gimmick wouldn't "voom" if you got Freddie Mercury to put on daily nationwide free concerts! It's FUCKING demised!
DWS: No no! They're Racists!
FSC: THEY'RE NOT RACISTS'! They're goddamned Hippies! This gimmick is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, It rests in peace! If you hadn't bribed the media to play it, it'd be pushing up the daisies! It's metrics and minority appeal are HISTORY! It's off the map! It's Played OUT, Seabiscuit Is being flogged, Brunhilde is warming up backstage and It has forks protruding from every centimeter of exposed flesh!! THIS IS AN EX-CANDIDACY!!
(pause)
DWS: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (she takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry Madame Secretary, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of ideas.
FSC: I see. I see, I get the picture.
DWS: (pause) The other side could still nominate Trump.
(pause)
FSC: Pray, does that scare the hippies enough?
DWS: Nnnnot really.
FSC: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
DWS: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at her feet)
FSC: Well.
(pause)
DWS: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
FSC: (Inhales Angrily)... GODDAMMIT BILL!! I KNEW there was a reason he said you were Perfect!

(Apologies to Michael Palin and John Cleese. I have to admit that I feel no shame stealing ideas liberally from the greats. After all, Scrub Jay is my spirit animal. )

Moving along to the international news, which is what I tend to enjoy most of the time, Well, perhaps ENJOY isn't a word I'd use as much. Patronize would be probably more accurate.

While everybody is concerned about the bombings going on in Europe, back in Iraq, it's known as Friday. Seems like the instant the US announced we were sticking our nose back in, ISIS decided to ramp up their game. And why not? With us back in the country, they can look forward to millions of dollars paid to our local "Allies" who can then immediately go back to shooting our soldiers on their days off. I apologize for excessive cynicism but this one is so obvious that even a blind person can see this one from miles away.

I thought we had finally gotten the message that our environment is a fragile and rapidly Eroding gem. Well, can someone please forward that one to Fucking Japan? 333 dead whales. All for "Scientific Research". I'm not a vegetarian, but dammit, these kinds of stories are making me want to change my mind. At least non-factory killing societies acknowledge the sacrifice of life for food. IMHO, it can be treated with a bit of respect. This entire "we're just doing research" crap cheapens the value of the lives given.

Minor thing I'm Happy about... Tiny Plastic Men is back on the air! I personally love Canadian Comedy, and for those of you who might be fans of the "Mass Effect" series, it stars Mark Meer! Ok, this one is just MINOR news, but it's something that I really enjoy. Chris Craddock's a funny as hell actor/writer, it involves a lot of Improv actors from the Toronto/Edmonton area, and has no shame about being geeky comedy.

Which makes me kinda sad to go back to the middle East, after some fun news, but we're not the ONLY ones bombing the hell out of Yemen. Yep, not only are the Saudi's bombing them, they're using Cluster Bombs. You know the same things that Hillary Clinton never gave a shit about us using. Hell, I had a problem with us using Illumination Flares, because you couldn't tell what was a harmless piece of metal and what was dangerous. And those are supposed to be OBVIOUS.

Today, I think we should all have the right to just slap a climate change denier. Seriously. When stories like this are coming out of Papua New Guinea It's just not freaking funny anymore. Flint is just what the rest of the world is dealing with, coming home. I don't like to rage against Corporations, but their pursuit of money would have us all living like this if it mean one more dickhead executive got his own Turbomansion.

So, for music today, I decided to go with some selections that I enjoy which are a little more mainstream, but still not listened to enough, IMHO. I'm a huge fan of Mark Knopfler, so Here's some stuff off his more recent albums that the MSM decided to completely ignore in this country.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctB7V2x81ng][video:https://www.youtube.c...

And Some more Goth Music, because I enjoy it, and you need a positive note to end on.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDkjkdAT-Yc][video:https://www.youtube.c...