Nobody deserves your support for President.

In this upcoming election, Nobody is the best candidate we have.

As we know, these are trying times. We look around at the wars, at the the chaos and the destruction that our empire wreaks upon the planet. I know you're concerned. We are all concerned. And Nobody will take responsibility as president.

As President, Nobody will immediately end the wars. Nobody will hold corporations to account, and ensure that the people responsible cannot hide behind layers of laws and regulation. Nobody will ensure that Corporations do not select the next Cabinet, and nobody will protect our bill of rights by ensuring that proper balance is brought to the supreme court.

Nobody cares about Flint. Nobody cares about the pipelines. Nobody cares about the protests that the media ensures us are only isolated incidents. Nobody worries about Police militarization very much. Nobody cares that Journalists are arrested in secret trials and held in secret sites.

Nobody really cares about special interest groups. Nobody takes the time to think of them as something more than a voting block with a nice bank account to be plundered. Nobody thinks that the American elections need top to bottom reform, and that we should suspend all elections until we have a verified, open and free election system.

In closing, let me assure you that Nobody is a perfect candidate. We can safely demand purity tests because Nobody will pass them with flying colors. Nobody has taken the positions that need to be taken to save the planet, and therefore we should absolutely vote for Nobody.

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detroitmechworks's picture

Get out of here, you're too weird to arrest.

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6 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

@detroitmechworks

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4 users have voted.

They say that there's a broken light for every heart on Broadway
They say that life's a game and then they take the board away
They give you masks and costumes and an outline of the story
And leave you all to improvise their vicious cabaret-- A. Moore

lotlizard's picture

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3 users have voted.
mimi's picture

when Joe introduced the Party of Nobody and urged us to vote for Nobody?

So, we are at the right place, in the right party with the right 'Commandante Shikspack'.
Bomb
/that bomb was meant for the other Joe, of course.

I kinda knew we are all nobodies, so we will win, absolutely no doubt about it.

There was another nobody who won today... what you didn't know? Life sucks sometimes.
Bad

I focus on something more lovable?

Enjoy the weekend. One never knows when it will be the last one. So, go for this one, DMW.


Yes 3
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4 users have voted.

TTTT (too tired to talk)

detroitmechworks's picture

@mimi Nobody has been in this political business long enough to ensure that he knows all the tricks. Nobody can navigate the halls of power without becoming corrupt.

Therefore, I trust Nobody. Nobody will be on my side, so I'm on Nobody's.

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5 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

mimi's picture

@detroitmechworks

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1 user has voted.

TTTT (too tired to talk)

About most people their kids date. Nobody is good enough. So, they should marry nobody.

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5 users have voted.

"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon

detroitmechworks's picture

@dkmich Some people, when held up to the standard of Nobody, claim instead that there should be no standards and that any quibbles we have with them mean that we will only vote for Nobody, which is completely unrealistic.

I'm well aware that Nobody is going to be there for us on ALL the issues, but Nobody is with me more often than not. I find that Nobody's campaign doesn't have to make excuses defending his choices and explaining how I'm the stupid one for not going along with it.

It's nice to see Nobody avoiding the mud-slinging and rancor.

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6 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Raggedy Ann's picture

I decided that was the best track, this election cycle. I completely concur with your assessment of Nobody. Thank you for that final push into Nobody's campaign! Drinks

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6 users have voted.

Women are human beings, not prey.
(I forgot where I read it although it might have been in The Intercept)

detroitmechworks's picture

@Raggedy Ann about the real threat of nuclear weapons escalation which our government is still engaging in while they bicker about reports.

Nobody's going to be discussing the wholesale theft of our infrastructure by the MIC and various contractors as well.

And Nobody will be finishing up with an appeal that we come together as Americans, put aside our petty squabbles and victimization, and instead work together to properly put the fear of the masses into the rich again.

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10 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Tulsi, or someone like her. If only I were allowed the choice.

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5 users have voted.
detroitmechworks's picture

@leveymg Nobody feels that you should be able to vote for quality candidates, not those who have paid their dues to the media and corporate masters.

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1 user has voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

TheOtherMaven's picture

I think it's been making the humor rounds for decades, with periodic updates. Biggrin

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6 users have voted.

There is no justice. There can be no peace.

@TheOtherMaven that is when I first heard it. It is weird to replay my life on youtube, not sure I like it but here goes:

Nobody for President!

Nobody for President!

Nobody keeps all campaign promises
As you read this, Nobody is in Washington working for you
I believe that Nobody should have that much power
I want Nobody to run my life
Nobody bakes Apple Pie better than my mom

as told by Wavy Gravy

cheers

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3 users have voted.
detroitmechworks's picture

@eyo At least as old as Homer. Smile

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2 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

lotlizard's picture

@detroitmechworks

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2 users have voted.
mimi's picture

@eyo
Joe here for the first time and thought he invented that... Smile

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2 users have voted.

TTTT (too tired to talk)

lotlizard's picture

@mimi  
In The Odyssey, Odysseus tells the cyclops Polyphemus that his name is Nobody.

http://www.mythweb.com/odyssey/book09.html

In terms of the chronology the TV Tropes website uses, this makes the joke Older Than Feudalism.

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2 users have voted.

To convince you there is Nobody you should bother voting for. More correctly, to convince you that Nobody voted.

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1 user has voted.
detroitmechworks's picture

@Battle of Blair Mountain Hence, Nobody will come under constant attack for being a peace candidate. After all, voting for Nobody means that the system has to acknowledge that MIC has no power. Since Nobody will do it, Nobody deserves your vote.

Nobody cares what the MIC has to say. However, Nobody also can take their money without falling victim to their tricks.

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2 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Nothing is to good for people and that's probably what we will get Nothing.

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3 users have voted.
detroitmechworks's picture

@pro left Nothing is of course, the preferred platform of most of the other candidates. Nobody sticks to the issues.

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3 users have voted.

I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

lotlizard's picture

How doing Nothing about global warming is good for Nobody, because Nobody will survive.

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1 user has voted.