Open Thread - Friday, April 21, 2017

open thread.jpg




This week, I received a letter from the hospice bereavement people. The letter stated that the third month after somebody dies is often the hardest part of the grieving period. I read the letter and thought it was such an odd sales pitch. It seemed to be telling me I should be bottoming out and why not give them a call.

I was wary of this time frame. Not because it is the third month since Sweetie's passing, but because the time frame is between the big wake/party and the Jazzfest pilgrimage. I have managed to keep busy and do not feel like any type of let down is imminent. I reviewed the list of recommended coping skills. Exercise and activity, check. Get out of the house, check. Treat yourself, check. Talk to a professional, meh. I think I have a set of innate, but probably learned, coping skills.

In retrospect, buying the motorcycle was brilliant. Getting out and riding is a cleansing experience. The acquisition cycle to outfit the motorcycle, and outfit myself was quite a treat. And I have rolled up on the New Orleans trip.

I am sure the New Orleans trip will make me miss Sue and think about her, and our good times together in New Orleans. I think a little bit of Sue needs to come to rest in New Orleans.

I have a feeling the next week, and a few days, is going to fly by. NOLA preparations get layered on top of the normal routine, I need to get an absentee funk Friday ready and be ready to roll May 1.

Gotta roll now, so much to do! The thread is OPEN.

Have a great weekend!

up
16 users have voted.

Comments

gulfgal98's picture

Your NOLA trip is rapidly approaching and I can hardly wait to read about it when you return. Getting out is one of the best ways to cope with any negative event in your life.

Many years ago I served on a sequestered (24/7) jury for over two months. When we were released, I was the first one out of the hotel. When my husband came to pick me up, he asked me what I wanted to do and I said I wanted to go to the mall. He was puzzled and asked me why the mall. I said I wanted to be around a lot of people who were free now that I was free. Just being out and about with other human beings is good for the soul.

I am finally recovered from the flu and am back walking again. I let my walking partner set the routes and yesterday we did the mountain which is an extremely steep climb. In four short weeks, I lost a lot of fitness, but I am anxious to do it again and again until I can make it up without stopping. Being back into my walking routine has greatly improved my energy levels and outlook on everything else too.

Have a wonderful day and enjoy your bike and all your new gear.

up
13 users have voted.

"I don't want to run the empire, I want to bring it down!" ~Dr. Cornel West "...isn't the problem here that the government takes on, arbitrarily and without justification, an adversarial attitude towards its citizenry?" ~CantStopthe Signal

NCTim's picture

@gulfgal98 ... is one of the best parts. Good to hear you are back on the streets. I skipped, yesterday, to work on the motorcycle. I mounted a new windshield, which provides a much larger wind pocket. A few comments, yogurt and banana, then walk before it gets to hot.

up
9 users have voted.

“America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.”
― Tennessee Williams

Raggedy Ann's picture

Sounds like you are on the right track. I'll bet Sweetie would love to have a place in NOLA that only you two share. Wink You are going through your grieving process on your terms, as it must be. I'm looking forward to what you share with us from Jazzfest.

That picture of the bug looks like one of my dreams - to live free and explore with wild abandon. Damn I miss my VW Bus!

Have a beautiful day, everyone! Pleasantry

up
9 users have voted.

If you acknowledge it, you can change it.
AMERICAN PRIVILEDGE: When INTERVENTIONISM is just a word to you because it's not your front door those drone strikes come knocking on. ~Caitlin Johnstone's friend

NCTim's picture

@Raggedy Ann stayed at the same guest house, and often would sit in the courtyard. I think resting with the courtyard topiary would be nice.

up
10 users have voted.

“America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.”
― Tennessee Williams

dkmich's picture

You sound like a busy, happy man. Are you going alone or with a friend? Have a good trip and stay safe.

up
6 users have voted.

*donate *follow us on Twitter *like us on Facebook

NCTim's picture

@dkmich Happiness is wanting what you have, so I am not completely happy because I want Sue back.

The Jazzfest trip is an annual tradition. It started as a guy trip. Three buddies and I, started going about 25 years ago. Over the years, it expanded to include brother-in-laws, co-workers, other drinking buddies, neighbors, ... Basically, anybody who loved music, partying and carousing. Sue and the kids came along a few times, and once we went empty nest, Sue came along every year.

Sue and I also would go to NOLA anytime Halloween fell on the weekend. That is big fun!

up
8 users have voted.

“America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.”
― Tennessee Williams

riverlover's picture

Daffs and forsythia (a cheery flower in spring but a dull plant overall). I think I mentioned that I had spied bunny poop under my gnawed-on holly: I saw the rabbit yesterday, as did my dog (she alerted me). It's HUGE! And I seem to have lost a few more shrubs aboveground, which bloom on old wood. Grrr. A well-fed Eastern cottontail, I hope. Nothing else should be here. But it looked larger than my daughter's little dogs. Another problem with outside decks: wildlife living below. I have had woodchucks there as well. Who would sun on the decks.

One more week in this effin cast. It rubs on my shin, requiring experimental gaits to avoid. That makes my lower back sore. What my PT calls "opening the hips". I hope this is the end. I have been increasingly disabled since early February. Time to reverse. Plants and trees to go in. At least the drought is over here, thunderstorms (mostly showy) last night.

up
9 users have voted.

Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.

orlbucfan's picture

@riverlover

up
5 users have voted.

Propaganda is the deliberate warping of Psycholinguistics.

NCTim's picture

@riverlover

up
6 users have voted.

“America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.”
― Tennessee Williams

Lookout's picture

Hope you have a great Jazzfest! We have buddies that go every year. I've never made it there, but have gone to festival Acadian in LaFayette in the fall.
http://www.festivalsacadiens.com/
Did a festival or two with D. L. Menard and he talked us into going to the festival. Glad we did...it was great fun. Plus we got to see his chair factory before it burnt.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D._L._Menard

All the best to all of you. Enjoy your spring!

up
5 users have voted.

“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

NCTim's picture

@Lookout plays the Fais Do Do stage every year.

Fais Do Do is near the homemade ice cream. Smile

up
6 users have voted.

“America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.”
― Tennessee Williams

orlbucfan's picture

Wow, JazzFest is rapidly approaching. You lucky dog!! Smile I'm hoping our PNW run materializes; we may be doing it on a BMW cruiser. You are handling your grief very well. One big reason why is your writing this Open Thread. Writing has been one of the best tools in the psychological arsenal to handle emotional disasters like the deaths of loved ones. I know it has helped me tremendously in coping with life. Rec'd!!

up
8 users have voted.

Propaganda is the deliberate warping of Psycholinguistics.

NCTim's picture

@orlbucfan Sport tourer. Smile I had a nearly 800 mile weekend. Down to my sister's and back for an Easter visit. I thought my hands and butt would be the most discomfort. It turned out to be my neck and shoulders. Thank goodness my wind screen came in this week. I mounted it, yesterday. The rider cockpit is dramatically calmer and quieter.

Before the big trip, I was thinking of having my seat redone. More room, more foam and no passenger pillion. I figure eliminating the passenger pillion is the surest way to meet another woman.

up
8 users have voted.

“America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.”
― Tennessee Williams

Mark from Queens's picture

It's inspiring me to do a similar thing.

Got so many other things I should get to before though, including some changes at home to help with encroaching asthma problems.

Looking forward to leaving NYC for a few days next week, when I take the Boy on his first plane ride to visit his grandparents in FLA.

Have to say, despite mostly staying away from the news dutifully, all this HRC talk from the new book showing what a disaster she truly is and talk of TOP has my dander up about that pathetic Neoliberal sandbox where all those losers play along with their heads permanently buried in the sand. When you take the temperature of such things, you wonder if there's any hope for mankind. It's time for the rest of us to gear up for a worldwide socialist revolution.

Have some great rides, Tim. I'm envious.

up
8 users have voted.

(thirty three and a third at TOP)

"If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:

THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD
WAS MUSIC"

- Kurt Vonnegut

A busy time, exercise, rest, cleansing motorcyle rides, good food, good beverages, something to look forward to. (Always have something to look forward to and never cross the very last item off your bucket list before adding new items.)

You seem to have it handled. I agree you should stay away from the hospice or a professional counselor unless and until you feel you really need that.

Love today's quote. What a great goal! It's two-pronged, of course: external and internal. External is to get stuff out of your life that you don't need or want and put stuff in your life that you do need and want. The other is internal: some people have such enviable lives and are still desperate.

Sue is wherever you are and always will be. In time, that will be more and more comforting and pleasant. My most loved one who passed is my mom. She is always where my sister is and where I am.

As for meeting a woman, when you have the space, she will show up in it, I promise. You're way too great a mate and too clever and cool for it to be any other way. If you rush into a commitment, you may make a bad decision, but nothing is wrong with female companionship without commitment, as long as everyone knows that the deal and is okay with it.

I know very well that you are way too smart to need platitudes or advice from me. Truth is, I'm obsessive about giving advice "just in case" I manage to say something my friend hasn't already thought. I do mean well, honest! Thanks for indulging me.

I can hardly wait for news of New Orleans!

up
7 users have voted.

Please donate to caucus99percent.com.

up
3 users have voted.
earthling1's picture

Ride defensively. Always place you and your motorcycle in a position where another motorist couldn't hit you if they tried.

up
2 users have voted.
riverlover's picture

but my deceased husband's sister just talked my ear off for 2 effin' hours. I am too polite. She is a negative vortex and I always feel worse, why do I do this? An angry victim, always, she is.

I am no victim, injured warrior now, but she can suck so much from me. I should have divorced her years ago, but debts, not financial. And one of two aunts of my offspring. I feel sucked dry. Tired.

up
4 users have voted.

Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.

joe shikspack's picture

@riverlover

up
2 users have voted.