Open Thread - Friday, February 10, 2016
Submitted by NCTim on Fri, 02/10/2017 - 3:20am
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.
~ Edna St. Vincent Millay ~
I managed to navigate the first phase of the bureaucracy of death. We had the North Carolina memorial last night.
The pace is kicking my ass.
On top of everything that needs to be done, I managed to come down with a nasty cold. I plan to take a Benadryl and try to get some sleep.
Have a great weekend!
Comments
Good morning, Tim~~~
Happy to hear you are celebrating your sweetie's life. Your body is finally giving itself the rest it needs. If you don't take the time for yourself, which you have been unable to do, your body does it for you, which is why you have a cold. You need some rest, man.
I'm looking forward to the weekend - it's been a busy and hectic week for me. Don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I hope it will be some peace and quiet. We will see.
Have a beautiful Friday, everyone!
"The “jumpers” reminded us that one day we will all face only one choice and that is how we will die, not how we will live." Chris Hedges on 9/11
This one
was in the memorial mix (studio version).
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Great selection, Tim.
You know sweetie was rockin' it! She's tired nor weary any longer. Rock on!
"The “jumpers” reminded us that one day we will all face only one choice and that is how we will die, not how we will live." Chris Hedges on 9/11
Good morning
One step at a time Tim. It is hard to put something behind you until it is. RA is right. Your body will get you one way or another. Take care, Tim.
It is February in Michigan. Pretty much says it all.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
More
Memorial mix.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Having last month dealt with KY death bureaucracy, it sucks
I seem to be writing withoutspaces between words today, consistently. After yesterday's safety check call from the police, I went down to the end of the driveway and filled my back seat with packages not collected, and mail not collected for a week. I was told my mail lady was worried. I will leave a note for her for thanks for caring. Realized my car empty light was on,so gotgas, 5 miles away. I my boot. Not snow-worthy.
My sister in KY is getting the brunt of beaurocracy, trying to disconnect cable, etc. I was asked how many death certificates were needed, she had gotten 4. I said 10, although my mother was insulated from much stuff that my husband was not. She has POA on bank accounts, but not investment accounts. And yes, as you may not know, it's much sending of death certificates, notarized, not just copies of the notarized and embossed doc. We were joint tenants, rights of survivorship. That smoothed some, but not all.
Your cold is due to season and to excessive stress. Try to rest, eat when you don't feel like it,and look grim in private if that is what it takes. A page has turned. Relax into page# next.
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
Yeah
I have the certifiacates. Closed the loop with the insurance company. Notified her employer. And when I woke, discovered that Social Security had snatched back the February deposit, leaving me overdrawn.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
colds and change...
seem to be our fate. Best cure in my opinion two aspirin (or drug of choice) and two sheets.
Sleep is curative. https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/sdd/why
I hope the memorial had some joy and release!
I've just learned this one...might be appropriate (4 min)
[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNp1kqnRw-U]
“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”
On the way home
I had to stop to get facial tissues with lotion. Benadryl to open the sinuses, aspirin for the throbbing headache and coughed through a little cannabis. Sleep for five hours. Banana bread, strawberry yogurt, more aspirin, melatonin and hydrate. Then seven more hours of sleep. I can sort of breath through my nose and the headache is waning.
The Raleigh memorial was primarily Sue's network, with a few of my friends and the kids friends. During the epilogue, I went off script and spoke directly to the twenty somethings. I encouraged them to set their own course, not be bullied by employers, the trap of the consumer culture, and focusing on what is important to them. I emphasized that employment is just a means to an end, and if you are unhappy, or your job keeps you for being with the people you love, or doing what you love. Do something else.
After the memorial, and my epilogue, one of the administrators for the school system came up to me and said, "I am expecting a bunch of resignations tomorrow.".
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Pay attention to these comments after you've gotten
some much-needed sleep, my soul (fine) friend. You're exhausted on all levels: physical, mental, and emotional. Your body needs to be tended to now that Sweetie is free from pain and suffering. We're here at the cyber end, and we have your back!! Rec'd!!
Inner and Outer Space: the Final Frontiers.
Thanks OBF
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
I miss Sweetie and I never met her.
I miss her because of you.
You both deserved better.
You are an incredible person.
It's a cliché, but true: time heals eventually. No, we never forget. The pain and missing do lessen, though. And, at some point, we can think of our loved ones without pain, though still with longing. But, no, of course, not yet.
Someone--I've forgotten who--told me colds are unshed tears.
You will find ways to heal. You're too intelligent and sensitive not to.
Take care of yourself. Do whatever you need to do get better physically and to process emotionally.
We are rooting for you.
I dreaded the memorial
On the other hand, I am looking forward to The Celebration of Life. I have tracked down college friends, relatives, four decades of party buddies, the Jazzfest krewe and even some of Sweeties friends that I never knew.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
A time to every purpose. I hope it's incredible.
Reading your posts about Sweetie the last several months, I know that that she should be celebrated. She left a beautiful mark on the people around her and certainly on you and your kids. You love for her and devotion to her is remarkable and inspiring. I feel privileged to have been able to read about it as it was happening.
New day
Much better after a long sleep.
I MC'ed the memorial service. The opening monologue:
===
Welcome, Thank you for coming.
We gather today to remember, Susan Marie Xxxx Xxxx. I would like to start with a short poem.
===
Immortality
by Felix Adler
The dead are not dead if we have loved them truly.
In our own lives we can give them a kind of immortality.
Let us arise and take up the work they have left unfinished.
====
I am profoundly saddened by Sue’s death. Let us not mourn her death, but exalt for having known such a special person.
Sue was extraordinary. Anyone who encountered Sue was better for having known her. She had compassion, empathy and understanding for everyone, especially children. Her dedication to making the world a better place, and doing good, were awe inspiring.
I may not be able to hold her, but she is still with me. She always will be, with me. Sue helped make me who I am. I was blessed to share my life with her and I am better for it.
I will miss Sue dearly. ALS is a hideous disease. Sue was slowly robbed of her vitality. In some respects, ALS helped prepare me. She was taken from me, a little bit at a time.
No longer watching her suffer has lifted my spirit and helped me endure the pain of losing her.
Join me, and refuse to dwell on the loss. Let’s all do something that would make Sue happy. Let’s make sure the children of our community are cared for. Please help when and where you can. The Backpack Buddies, Girls On The Run, YMCA We Build People Campaign, mentoring or coaching, do whatever you can to be a positive force in a child’s life. That is what Sue would do, and it is the work she left unfinished.
===
I read my monologue and had to stop and gather my composure during: "I will miss Sue dearly. ALS is a hideous disease. Sue was slowly robbed of her vitality.".
Thank you for being here.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Thank YOU for being here,
you will leave a huge hole, when you are gone from here, and we will miss you, as your quote says ... 'like hell'. JtC called you a giant. I call you a giant Teddy Bear. My sister lost her much beloved husband and her hugely adored and beloved only daughter. I found out, since living in her house, that she kept ALL the Teddy Bears and ALL the tiniest things that were given to her by both of them, husband and daughter. At age 75 she still needs to sleep with those Teddy Bears to find peace.
Sleep well. Don't leave us, if you can.
https://www.euronews.com/live
Greetings Mimi
I have taken a different approach. During the past week, I have cleaned out the clothes closet and dresser drawers. I have gotten all of the medical equipment, except the wheelchair and dedicated communications device, out of the house. Yesterday, I purged candles and bric-a-brak. I took the kitchen table off the risers. As soon as I clean the floors, the area rugs return. I am sprinting towards the new normal.
I will not be leaving C99, although I may have to get together some prearranged
diariesessays for when I wander.The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Beautiful memorial
Your memorial speech was simple and very beautiful. I have never met you or Sue, but I know she was an incredible person. May you always carry beautiful memories with you of her.
When my father died after twelve years of Alzheimer's, my mother was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, just as you are. Your cold is a result of the stress you have been carrying around for these years while being Sue's caregiver. Take care of yourself. It will help you to cope down the road when all of these memorials and celebrations of Sue's life are over.
Each person has to deal with the passing of their loved one in his or her own way. You have done a remarkable job of dealing with being a truly dedicated caregiver. Now it is time for you to care for yourself. May you find even more Peace and some joy along the road of life.
Do I hear the sound of guillotines being constructed?
“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." ~ President John F. Kennedy
Hey GG
Sue left behind letters for Thing1, Thing2 and I. I knew they existed, but did not read them. I sealed Thing1 and Thing2's letters and read mine after she passed.
I will keep right on rocking. I am more ornery than I exhibit on C99. The master plan involves trying to stay ahead of old age. Soon, I will start riding the bicycle, work cardio into my work out and start doing yoga. I want to be ready to take the bicycle to NOLA.
I will see the Jazzfest krewe at the Pittsburgh celebration. It will give me a chance to set up a couple of them to buy me dinner in NOLA.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Thinking of you, Tim.
During times like these it seems the hardest thing to be able to do is to just sleep, rest or relax. When you're in the middle of such a whirlwind or difficult situation it's hard to turn your mind off and allow yourself some time to recharge, which is how we get sick.
While enduring a painful episode in my life I turned up the usual drinking to higher levels, and then began relying for a little while on over the counter sleeping pills. There's also a temptation to do drugs. I look back and think how I was ruining myself, but don't begrudge that it was what I thought I needed then.
These days I find the best way for me to get out of any mental or emotional stress is through exercise. Running helps a lot, just really seems to release all these excellent endorphins, and so does yoga, the aches and pains in your body are worked out leaving you feeling lighter and more limber, which helps your well-being enormously. A day at a spa is great too.
Really working up a sweat helps, I think, us to also consider eating better. Almost like the body says, after a good workout, "don't put that shitty greasy fast food and heavy over-cheesed/salted meat dish in me." Starting to eat better goes hand in hand with it.
Lastly, as we talked about last week, re-connecting with old friends did my heart a world of good, especially sharing some of the pain with people, especially ones I didn't think had a life station in which to relate or lacked, came through big-time. Unburdening yourself of the pain and suffering to others, especially people who love you, helped me a lot.
If you get the motorcycle out for a ride I'd like to hear about it!
"If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:
THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD
WAS MUSIC"
- Kurt Vonnegut
I hear you
Yesterday, I went to the 'Y' for a stretch and steam. I had intended to lift, but couldn't muster the energy. I'll lift, Saturday.
During Sue's illness, I went from 205# to 165#. While getting ready for the memorial, I discovered that, if the suit pants fit, the jacket was too small, and if the jacket fit, the pants were too big.
I have always been strictly cannabis and beer, and eschewed beer while Sue was sick. I avoided taking any cold medications until the congestion kept me from sleeping. Otherwise, I take an ibuprofen before lifting weights, and that is it.
I let the motorcycle registration lapse, which means I have to get the title reinstated. I need to ditch the wheelchair van and I am tempted to turn the R65 into a duck.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
Apropos of nothing
reply in wrong place
A lot of wanderers in the U.S. political desert recognize that all the duopoly has to offer is a choice of mirages. Come, let us trudge towards empty expanse of sand #1, littered with the bleached bones of Deaniacs and Hope and Changers.
-- lotlizard
Go well, Tim
Let all your thoughts and memories fill the holes and comfort you.
Rain
I can hear you
making small holes
in the silence
rain
If I were deaf
the pores of my skin
would open to you
and shut
And I
should know you
by the lick of you
if I were blind
the something
special smell of you
when the sun cakes
the ground
the steady
drum-roll sound
you make
when the wind drops
But if I
should not hear
smell or feel or see
you
you would still
define me
disperse me
wash over me
rain
Hone Tuwhare 1922-2008
JB
Thanks, I deleted the memorial mix. I had four hours of songs and hit random play. I was getting pulled in so many directions that most of the time, I didn't notice what was playing.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
I can imagine Tim,
that you are being pulled in so many directions. Yet somehow, you are still centered enough to send the perfect music. Just keep the random and delete buttons seperate, next time ; ).
Tim:
That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or by any other controlling private power. -- Franklin D. Roosevelt --
Thanks EL
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -