For many months, some of you readers may have thought that I was but a lonely reptile, grumbling in the wilderness. Truth be told, I do grumble a lot. I grumble when it's too cold. I grumble when neoliberals think they are still on the left side of the political aisle. I have a lot more grumbles, but those are not the purpose of this essay.

The profundity off all this will surely underwhelm many of you. But don't jump in the water with me because I am an absolute master of mud-slinging, er... mud-wrestling. So getting down to the meat of this essay (which by the way, I prefer uncooked), I wish to call attention to both of you reading this essay about the wonderful strides we alligators have made in medicine.

The medical powers that be, have thought so much of my brethren (and sistren), to include us in medicine's coding bible the ICD-10, otherwise known as the Insanely Codified Diseases. Because there is money involved in this proper use, we need to be unambiguous in applying such codes.

A---Bitten by Alligator, initial encounter

B---Chased by Alligator, initial encounter

C---Crushed by Alligator, initial encounter

D---Struck by Alligator, initial encounter

Okay, so I exaggerated a little. Choice B does not really have an ICD-10 number, probably because Alligators can briefly run 44 M.P.H., which is faster than human bipeds, hence those unfortunate beings have NEVER won a 100 meter race against one of my cousins. Thus, no need for ICD coding that event.

Alligators in ICD-10