I am not perfect, nor would I want to be.
Recently hopped into the world of Online Dating, at the request of one of my friends who thinks I need to get out there and stop being quite as much of a homebody, and it tossed a lot of my online reactions and interactions into sharp relief.
It's amazing, but even in a format where the ostensive goal is to meet and talk to people in a manner that facilitates meetings and interactions, there is the same kind of garbage that you see in all sorts of online interactions.
There's the people looking for a fight.
There's the people trying to get you to pay them money.
There's the people who are not honest and forthright about what they want, who then blame you for not being what they didn't say.
There's the folks who think they know better than me about what I REALLY meant when I said what I did.
And then, there's the people who will not accept anything but perfection, or at least the outward appearance of it.
So, I'm taking a step back, and announcing loudly and openly, that I am NOT perfect. I do not think I never made a mistake. I do not think I am correct on every issue, and will not change my stance to suit that issue based off the opinions of others. If I am disagreed with, I will happily examine my own biases and preconceptions. Doesn't mean I'm going to change my opinion, or that my opinion is more correct now that I've examined it, but it is my opinion and I own it.
I don't expect my friends to be perfect, and I wouldn't be here if my friends weren't here. We will disagree. I would not want to be friends with a bunch of sycophants with no opinions or minds of their own.
This may be why I have never gone into politics. I don't take myself too seriously. If I ever DO start taking myself too seriously, I'm clearly doing something wrong.
So, a little music that sums up my mood, and a smile. It's incredibly liberating to breathe for a moment.
Comments
Oh man, Had a GREAT laugh...
At the Unreality of the internet. Occasionally, I'll stick a sample of my writing through a "Gender Analyzer" app which cliams to be able to determine whether a piece of work was written by a man or a woman...
This particular article:
This explains a lot about why I've been accused MANY times before of being a woman masquerading as a man online.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
Reminds me of a friend who was in the peace corps
Back in the day, they required stool samples to be run by the medics. Well, this was both degrading and a pain in the neck, so one day he submitted some horse droppings from the road. The report came back that he was healthy but should probably cut down on the hay...
We can’t save the world by playing by the rules, because the rules have to be changed.
- Greta Thunberg
Heh, I run it by the analyzer occasionally...
And what I find hilarious is it has never been more than 52% certain I'm a man. (And likes to point out that what has been written is very gender neutral when it does that)
Apparently I do not write "Masculine" whatever the hell that means.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
Well if a lot of the Clintonites are to be believed
It would seem that a large portion of them think men are basically ALL "BernieBro's", well their definition of it at least. (regardless of if you actually support Bernie or not.)
Try for shits and giggles to take one of their posts and run it through the machine and see if it says they are male?
I strongly suspect most of those things are bogus and only look for stuff like aggressive word usage, coarse language, etc because whomever programmed it thinks that those are defining male traits.
I tried one once for shits and giggles and it said I was a woman, I edited in a couple bits of profanity and the single phrase, "I'd like to choke someone out over this." and BAM, instant male.
"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me
Well, the algorithm supposedly...
Is based off "Overall Surveys" of blogs written by men and women...
I'm just wondering what the "Strong Indicators" that I wrote indicated femaleness. Going over it, I can't spot them.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
I suspect it wasn't what it contained but what didn't...
Did it contain aggressive word usage?
Any Profanity?
Try editing in some and resubmitting it to see if it changes, I'd be curious to see if they improved the algorithm.
Another thing they probably look for is usage such as, "I think X..." vs "I Feel X..." operating under the assumption that men tend to speak more from the head vs women from the heart possibly?
Like I said, I tend to put zero stock into them because they are not identifying anything other than writing styles.
"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me
I think it might be the multisyballic words...
You know, any words that trigger the spell check on simple editors...
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
Well after all, how many men will admit that they are not
perfect? Plus it's an article about dating! You're outed.
Please check out Pet Vet Help, consider joining us to help pets, and follow me @ElenaCarlena on Twitter! Thank you.
Arrgh, done with the blog thing then! Back to writing...
corny bisexual romance novels and gender exploration stories!
(Kidding, but after typing that out... wow, yeah, I do defy gender norms a bit, don't I?)
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
The fact that you know such things exist...
Outs you as either a woman or a damn dirty hippy!
"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me
"Written by a woman 92%"
I hear it's drinking too much soy milk.
(ducks)
There is no such thing as TMI. It can always be held in reserve for extortion.
Re:
It's the tat.
That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or by any other controlling private power. -- Franklin D. Roosevelt --
Perfect or Normal...
Both are made up terms for things that don't really exist or matter.
In my casa, "Normal" is just a setting on an appliance.
Look forward to meeting you at the next meet up of friends this month, the 2oth, Lucky Lab, right?
"Love One Another" ~ George Harrison
That is the plan. Noon on the 20th.
Hope you can make it, because it was a gas last time, and Hope this time will be similar.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
Dating has got to suck in this day and age.
Social Media... meh.
clubbing... ew!
Bars/Dives... double ew.
I guess the real meat market is the gym, too. Ew.
Peeps I know, young and old, have never found anyone in the above ways. Lots of them meet up with people by doing activities they love either by taking classes, volunteering or charity work. Not with the expectation of meeting anyone to date, but to enrich their lives and maybe just maybe meet someone who has a shared interest.
One of my co-workers takes shelter dogs on walks/hikes every week. So he meets other volunteers at the shelter and mark my word he gets tons of attention from women while he's out with two dogs on a trail or dog park. He says the AWWWWW factor is huge. Awww your dogs are so cute! "Not mine, these are up for adoption and I enjoy giving the dogs a day out of the shelter.
He hasn't found true love yet. But he has been on a few dates and date/hikes. And he's helped a few dogs get adopted.
"Love One Another" ~ George Harrison
Add in the single dad thing...
and it's another layer of garbage you have to deal with. Some folks want to meet the kids right up front, others don't, and somehow being upfront about the whole situation means that you're "Auditioning a Step-Mom".
Which is annoying as hell. I miss volunteering at Free Geek, but what I didn't realize is that SO many people there are... doing community service.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
Church or Community Service. Yikes
Both are off putting
when it comes to doing charity stuff. People assume you are either part of a church group or you are a criminal. LOL
My husband gets that all the time with his charity work. He does Meals on Two Wheels twice a week. People assume he's a Christian or a Criminal. He does it because he loves being on his bike and feels this is truly serving his country (he's a vet).
I get hit on from time to time but I think it's because I'm totally unavailable.
My brother is single and in his 40s. He does think that most single moms are not dating but Daddy searching. He has mentioned that it's not a date but more like a job interview. He says it truly sucks. But his work schedule makes it so hard to get out and do activities he enjoys.
"Love One Another" ~ George Harrison
Irony is that I get along best with women...
and men who are "Unavailable".
Maybe it's the lack of pressure, I don't know, but it does make it much more difficult.
And yeah, I LOVE building and playing with computers, so Free Geek was awesome, and I only found out so many people were doing it for community service when we were released early, and several guys kept pestering them to give credit for the full time, because they HAD to do it...
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
Have you considered Parents Without Partners? I
heard it mentioned on Jepardy last night. It was around way before the intertubes.
"The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me?" ~Orwell, "1984"
Had actually never heard of it.
And looked it up. Looks like locally it's out of Eugene... and has 25 members.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
25 members? That's odd. ;)
"The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power. Now do you begin to understand me?" ~Orwell, "1984"
kind of an interesting
recent piece on dating, here. Apparently it's a relatively new invention.
Interesting :D
And I've noticed that people used to meet up at coffee shops.. but nowadays you go into a coffee shop and people are on their computers with ear buds in. Closed off in a sea of people...
"Love One Another" ~ George Harrison
This is why I don't own a Laptop or a smart phone.
I like to have a strong dividing line between my online world and my offline world.
Perhaps it's just my age, but I am horrified at the idea and practice of being "Always Available". I wouldn't have even ever bought a cell phone if my Sergeant hadn't directly ordered me to do so.
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
I don't always answer my cell phone if I'm at home
because I don't have it ON me when I'm home.
Honestly, we have to have our cell phones when out because my son is disabled... and because as parents we just have to be in contact with our kids - disabled or not. But when I'm home of off the clock.. I'm off. If people must call, they call the home phone. Which now is more just for stupid sales calls, surveys and shams.
But... I do have to give a shout out to assistive technology. Not only for my son. But my daughter calls me on her phone because it makes her feel more connected to me and her friends when she's commuting.
"Love One Another" ~ George Harrison
I can't imagine trying to date without...
having already been in a relationship, nowadays.
There's so much posturing and sales, as the article mentioned. It's really unpleasant, especially for those of limited means.
Honestly, if I had a choice, I'd far prefer to do without, but unfortunately, it's a lonely and sad life, and I've been on my own for almost 10 years now. (Kids came first, then depression destroyed my outgoing personality. One night stands do NOT count as a relationship, IMHO)
I do not pretend I know what I do not know.
sounds so familiar
In the same boat, except for the kids.
It seems bizarre that everybody wants honesty, but they don't want honesty.
The essence of it seems to be; 'lie to me just enough so I'll like you'.
When you both know you're bullshitting, it just feels creepy.
Sounds like we both give the same advice DJ
I tell people to go on to meetup and get involved in a group that does an activity that they are interested in.
Usually not a meat market as people are there mostly to engage in the activity and maybe make new friends, but it's not a dating scene in general.
Only time I ever found a partner worth having was when I stopped searching and started "being".
"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me
made my poor husband chase me LOL
But that is because I grew up near military bases. My dad was military. I did NOT want that lifestyle and I had a pretty dim view of sailors who asked 16 yr old girls out for "dates" outside the damn school LOL.
{EDITED: My husband did not chase me at high school. I was already graduated and 19 when I met him.}
So when my sailor saw me at a college class that happened to be on base and asked for my number, I was all "NO".
He was leaving that night for a 6 month cruise. Why would he want to talk to me?
But I gave him my address so he could write. We wrote for six months. I told him all my good bad and uglies figuring I'd scare him away.
He returned, I met him at the docks with all the stupid military wives... god I hate weeping navy wives.... I was never a cry baby at the goodbyes or greets. Ack.
Anyways, he'd propose and I'd decline. We ha become dear friends and I didn't want to ruin that. We then became lovers and I didn't want to ruin that.
He eventually proposed to me up on Hurricane Ridge. I declined. He left me on the switchback. I stayed put. He returned and said, "This is a beautiful place, you're a beautiful person, we could have a beautiful life together. Will you please marry me?"
I agreed if he'd help me hike back to the car and buy me a hot apple cider.
That was 28 years ago next month. OMG>... I was only 19!!!! We wrote for 6 months and "dated" for about 2. Then we married. LOL
I was never going to get married. Never going to marry a fucking SQUID! and I was never going to marry young.
Never say never.
"Love One Another" ~ George Harrison
Everyone one is abnormal in their own unique
(AKA abnormal!) way. Who would want to be normal anyway? How boring.
Please check out Pet Vet Help, consider joining us to help pets, and follow me @ElenaCarlena on Twitter! Thank you.
Take some available girlfriends to meet
DMW at the meet-up! That'd be awesome.
Please check out Pet Vet Help, consider joining us to help pets, and follow me @ElenaCarlena on Twitter! Thank you.
The only available peeps I know are that way
for a reason
I wouldn't toss that Detroit's way.
"Love One Another" ~ George Harrison
Normal is the central 10% of the bell curve, you know,
boring.
That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of government by an individual, by a group, or by any other controlling private power. -- Franklin D. Roosevelt --
Yup, "normal" sucks. :D
People who say they are normal are usually are freaking scary ass bad. Like, Huckabee and Paul Ryan "normal".
Keep Portland Weird: is our unofficial motto. Reason I live here.
"Love One Another" ~ George Harrison
I like to tell people...
that until I find someone who is exactly like me, everyone, who is not me, is weird.
I have found...
one benefit in online dating. It is that you know everyone is, supposedly, interested in dating someone. You don't have to worry about approaching someone who is just out to have a good time and is not interested in being hit on.