Alison Gets "SIR"ed - A Victory Story

Crossposted from The Transgender Boards - Wed Jul 20, 2016 5:13 pm

I'm posting this in solidarity with Lilah and all of you (us) who have had this happen, or will have this happen to us.

Today of all days I got "Sir"ed at the ice cream parlor in the lobby of the transgender building. It was my first time out in public in a skirt. It was my first session with my shrink, and I finally got off the dime and wore a skirt. Not just a skirt, but a red and gold wide-pleated boho below-the-knees skirt, lovely new sandals, a hot pink, lacey camisole top, four rings, several bracelets, a necklace, eyeliner/mascara, earrings, and a tortoise-shell hair band to keep my mane out of my eyes. Over top of this I wore my new buff-colored silk blazer ($4 at the thrift store yesterday.) My usual navy purse on one shoulder, and a hubongous bag of second-hand cookbooks I just got from the gay book down the street. I walked a fair piece through town and no one gave me a second look. (Not completely true. I got a lot of smiles from people I passed on the street.)

I looked very much like a well-dressed woman going about her business in town.

Just before arriving at the Therapy building a got a cigarette pang. Now just outside the T-bldg, I contemplated bumming or buying a single ciggie from a passerby. (A cigjunkie has no self-respect.) But I regained my composure and decided to treat myself for two feats of bravery by having a single scoop of ice cream; overcoming the pang, and wearing a skirt.

The store was empty except for the owner and a young assistant, (both male.) I began with Vanilla. The owner cajoled me into buying something more adventurous. "We can combine any flavors you choose." In the end, I opted for Mint Chocolate Chip with Coffee powder mixed in.

The Incident began when it came time to pay. The young man(YM) was at the register.

Ali: "How much is that?"
YM: "That'll be $5.40, Sir."
(I got distracted talking with the owner.)
Ali: "I'm sorry. How much did you say it was?"
YM: "$5.40, Sir."
Ali: "That's twice you've called me 'Sir'. Are you doing it on purpose? Is there anything about the way I look or the way I'm dressed that says 'SIR' to you?"
YM: (chokes up)
Ali: "I Am Transgender. This store is in the lobby of a building that serves a lot of transgender people. You may even have seen some of them here. May I suggest you pay a bit more attention to whom you are serving ice cream? Think of it as a 'sound business practice'."
YM: "I'm sorry to have offended you."
Ali: "You didn't offend me. You spoke without thinking. I'm not angry. I'm helping you to be more thoughtful in the future."

They were both speechless. (But I don't think "in a bad way.")

Ali: "You were right, the ice cream mix is delicious." And went off to my appointment.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, you're going to be "Sir"ed. But you don't have to take it lying down. You don't have to put up with it and have your self-esteem and your confidence challenged and, you don't have to have your feelings hurt.

You can and should stand up for yourself, and for all the rest of us.

Caveat, since my statements are rarely black-and-white: Choose your battles. Don't put your personal safety in jeopardy to make a point. You've going to encounter bigots. That can't be helped. But every time you meet someone who never met a transgendered person and you show them we're not monsters, we make a bit more headway toward equality.

hugs,
Alison
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will." - Jawaharlal Nehru

Out - 6-25-16
Full Time - 7-02-16
First Electro - 7-07-16
First Therapy - 7-20-16
First Skirt in Public Day! - 7-20-16 Woohoohoohoo!