When on Thursday Marine General Robert Neller told his serial killers assembled to prepare for a “big-ass fight,” as “there’s a war coming,” most of the Americans assumed he was referring to North Korea, or some Mideast country where the mud people have oil, or “AIDS huts” in Haiti or Nigeria, or maybe even California, a Hairball-Free Zone where the legislature is infested with Mexicans and homos, who recurrently demand The Hairball “publicly apologize to all Americans for his racist and bigoted behavior,” even as the governor gets a hand-cramp signing pardons for Cambodian criminals so The Hairball can’t deport them.

But no. In truth, Neller was referring to the coming War On Christmas.

Because The Hairball, he is determined to take out Santa Claus.