Troll Diary Outline and Format (DO NOT DISTRIBUTE)

Opening Statement: Use appeals to decency, and state something along the lines of knowing that your opinion is unpopular but all you're asking for is somebody to listen. Liberals eat that shit up.

Statement of Support for Liberal Position: If you're going for the shame angle, this is a very good point to obviously insert the minority status of your sock puppet. Bonus points for multiples, but don't go overboard, otherwise it becomes far too obvious.

Boilerplate Criticism of Trump: Look online, there's a million reasons and the best ones are well argued and have been seen many times before. Try to use your own words though.

List of reasons we Must ignore Liberal Values: Stress Realism, and the way politics ACTUALLY work. Don't address criticism at all, instead use terms that call the reader's maturity and opinions into question, like Idealist, Childish, and Self-Destructive.

Demand obedience: Stress that unless your audience listens the consequences will be dire. Be Hyperbolic. Be over the top. Invoke Hitler if you can't think of anybody else. (Although a quick google of Dictators pays huge dividends)

Above all, NEVER READ OR REPLY TO THE COMMENTS. They are only put in by people who have no lives, and are full of hate and desire to be cruel.

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Comments

I thought it was not for distribution? Now it's all over the interwebz!
Thanks!
/s

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Ya got to be a Spirit, cain't be no Ghost. . .

Explain Bldg #7. . . still waiting. . .

If you’ve ever wondered whether you would have complied in 1930’s Germany,
Now you know. . .
sign at protest march

detroitmechworks's picture

Έχω αποδείξεις

See! Greek Hackers.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

edg's picture

Er, I mean USA! USA!

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lunachickie's picture

What is this, the neo-liberal troll manifesto?

List of reasons we Must ignore Liberal Values: Stress Realism, and the way politics ACTUALLY work. Don't address criticism at all, instead use terms that call the reader's maturity and opinions into question, like Idealist, Childish, and Self-Destructive.

Awesome breakdown Smile

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detroitmechworks's picture

No, wait, THEY brought it back.

I'm simply attempting to put it into sharp relief. Smile

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Seems too real and accurate for snark.

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Beware the bullshit factories.

detroitmechworks's picture

I'd be a Republican Troll. It's EASY and good money.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Are you in Oregon? I'm in NoHum, Cali, and would love to have a beer with you sometime if it can be arranged. I travel to Eugene on occasion.
Be well and be loved.

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Ya got to be a Spirit, cain't be no Ghost. . .

Explain Bldg #7. . . still waiting. . .

If you’ve ever wondered whether you would have complied in 1930’s Germany,
Now you know. . .
sign at protest march

detroitmechworks's picture

Dang, Maybe I need to organize another meet-up for C99.

Last one was a blast.

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Shahryar's picture

we briefly talked about having one after the convention. Well, that means sometime after tonight! I'm thinking not this weekend, not enough notice. Maybe next weekend or the one after that.

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Borkrom's picture

E and S, not going to use your entire names, I would love to visit with the Portland C99ers to catch up and maybe start working on some baby steps for us. Worse case scenarios it will be fun just to see everyone again and enjoy a nice discussion.

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I hear that their reflection fails to show in mirrors, preventing cracking and the potential for the stirring of any vestigial conscience.

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Alligator Ed's picture

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If one needs a rhetorical bag of techniques, do some time travel back to the regime of Bush the Younger, and adopt the techniques they mastered. For example, if somebody wants to talk with Putin, accuse them of supporting a dictator, being a paid lackey. As with Iraq, accuse Russia of having intentions and weapons t that don't exist. If ti comes to it, go to the UN with some cartoons of Russian soldiers invading Estonia, and claim it was the latest satellite image.

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detroitmechworks's picture

Because that's really the only Rethug technique.

Flood of Bullshit, then declare victory if the opponent doesn't respond to it.

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michelewln's picture

Thought I was going to have a heart attack until I finally saw the snark tag. Wink

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A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. Oscar Wilde

detroitmechworks's picture

Because that means I was spot on...

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I didn't read it all , but a recent one told us to SACRIFICE OUR VALUES for the greater good, etc.
thought that might be snark, but, seems the chap was serious.

Must say, tho, the humorous comments were fun reading. Especially like the ones which remind of great old movies, Young Frankenstein "rain" and others.

So good to be at a site where the humor in, almost, any situation can be shared.

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elenacarlena's picture

I would sacrifice my values for the greater good, but I can't come up with any.

If I were to vote for the lesser evil, for example, it would be because I thought there was some greater value there somewhere, not because I had sacrificed my values. If I had to choose, say, between a hopey changey warmongerer and a rich elite warmongerer, I would vote for the hopey changey guy, even though I don't want anyone who is a warmongerer. I don't support warmongering, I still haven't sacrificed that value, but I wasn't offered the choice of no war.

OTOH, if someone says give up on climate change because Mr. Tribblehead is a racist, and so then we all die of high temps, well, sacrificing my values wouldn't lead to the greater good after all, would it?

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Please check out Pet Vet Help, consider joining us to help pets, and follow me @ElenaCarlena on Twitter! Thank you.

If you sacrifice your values to embrace evil, what do you have left?

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

I value avoiding war at almost any cost. How would sacrificing that value to vote for a neocon war monger like Hillary be in service of the greater good of anyone but the Pentagon and military contractors?

I value caring for my fellow humans who cannot care for themselves as well as I can care for myself. How would sacrificing that value to vote for someone who thought people on welfare lacked human dignity and who delighted in ending welfare be in service of the greater good?

I value honesty and integrity. How would I serve the greater good by sacrificing those values to vote for a woman who misleads and lies, pretends taking millions from special interests is fine, as long as no one can point to a specific quid pro quo, and tries to win primaries by invoking racism, religious bigotry and heaven knows what else?

I don't get this argument at all, unless we just re-define "the greater good" as Hillary's ambition to be the first woman President.

Sadly, however, I think the divine right oligarchs may have pre-destined her to win. So, a lot of the agonizing may be theoretical.

Again, if you live in a solidly red state, a solidly blue state or a state in which Hillary is polling far ahead at the beginning of November, voting Jill Stein should be a no brainer. If you live elsewhere, you need to consider matters further. Whatever we do, let's not give Hillary a landslide for no reason at all.

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One more But Trump Is Hitler cover from LOF diarist Subir. He is an intelligent person who has supported Bernie well and stayed on to battle the orcs over there longer than I could stand to do. But he's offering us a cautionary tale from Indian politics of a quarter century ago. India, of course, has a very different political culture than we do. If this country had torn itself apart and killed untold millions of its citizens after WW II, I could see his analogy. But the fear is real in him, based on his own experience.

Subir is not a troll. He is a very intelligent, principled person who has elected, for reasons of his own, to buy the argument of the fear-mongerers this year. I do not judge him for that, because I'd like to think that description would have applied to me too, until the middle of last year. I just don't buy the argument he's peddling anymore. Let's be careful who we label trolls, even if they wield arguments favored by the genuine articles.

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detroitmechworks's picture

A troll.

Just going with the pattern I see.

It really hasn't changed in almost 20 years on the internet.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Your post is comprehensive and perfect in itself. Thank you for the smile!

I just couldn't help reflecting on the near-simultaneous posting of your essay and his.

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bondibox's picture

https://twitter.com/bondibox/status/757789594192445441

Poor, poor Subdir. He still thinks @dailykos readers misinterpret the point of his article. They're intentionally misreading it, bro.

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F the F'n D's

I think dkos has a list and schedule of people who are coming here to pester us about voting for Hillary.

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"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon

They read like recent religious converts eager to share the Good News with the heathens. Makes me understand why so many missionaries were murdered.

Those Riefenstahl production values in Philly must be getting some of them all tingly.

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That would be an urge hard to resist. Same for the Hillary converts as top.

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"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon

detroitmechworks's picture

Lord Summerisle was absolutely the BEST at it.

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzCSSvMesxA]

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shaharazade's picture

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detroitmechworks's picture

Annie Lennox had a HUGE influence on people I find attractive. Smile

In particular her look in this video:

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeMFqkcPYcg]

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Makes me understand why so many missionaries were murdered.

Biggrin

Also, that may be the first Riefenstahl reference I recall seeing in a post--and aptly done.

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Mark from Queens's picture

with him over the past few months during and after the NY primary. We've tried a few times to get together but it hasn't worked out. Told him last month I'm over DK and that I hoped Bernie would run 3rd party. Not going to go over and read it there, though I too respect him.

A cautionary tale for sure dallasdoc. Just as you've encountered recently also I've been aghast at the degree to which so many seemingly progressive folks are teetering and falling for the BIG FEAR propaganda these past few days or very recently.

Your response was brilliant, in turning around the whole meme "but, but, but the Repugs are crazy" to remind folks that they've been allowed to take an extreme RW sharp turn because the Dems have offered no meaningful counterweight. I love the irony of the fear of what would happen if many chose to vote Green Party. "Maybe they'd win then."

It's a totally bizarre election season, rife with the highest levels of brazen corruption signifying a banana republic. People don't want to wake up to the reality staring them in the face because of what it means, which is that they just might have to get a little more engaged than the simplistic notion that taking 10 minutes to vote every four years is some high form of civic duty, by taking your grievances to the streets and actually reaching out to people to form alliances. In fact. it's the only way anything has ever changed. And hey, you just might meet some like-minded people in real life. What a concept!

Wish Hunter Thompson were around for this weirdness.

(LOTE = Lesser Of Two Evils)

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"If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:

THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD
WAS MUSIC"

- Kurt Vonnegut

detroitmechworks's picture

Bullet Ridden Typewriters and Televisions outside his shack.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

Berners tried to warn Hillariacs that this time it was different, but they didn't listen. They expect the Boogey Man scam to work again this year. And for a lot of people it still will, just as it always has. Some of us aren't buying it anymore, but many still do. And until there's a meaningful alternative, it will continue to.

This was always going to be an evolutionary process. Things are going to change. Popular discontent cannot be ignored forever. The first party to harness it effectively is going to change politics. We tried to do that with the Democratic party, but they didn't let us. We cannot allow ourselves to be scapegoated if the Trump Republicans pick up that opportunity the Democrats scorned. I'm tired of being treated as a Cassandra, blamed for the bad things I warned against. I'm not going to accept their scapegoating. I'd rather focus on building that meaningful alternative to further invalidate the Fear and Guilt propaganda techniques.

The problem the Democratic party has it that has fallen victim to the Boy Who Cried Wolf syndrome. Since I first gained political consciousness in 1964 Democrats have been playing the Boogey Man card, starting with Barry Goldwater and going on from there. The tactic long predates my experience, though. Their problem is that they don't offer a meaningfully better alternative: we get to choose the Big Bad Wolf or the pack of hyenas. No matter who wins, things just keep getting worse for most people. The social wedge issue game, the slicing and dicing of the electorate into small groups that can be micro-targeted, is a relic of the 1990s. It doesn't work anymore. The party is offering up a Clinton again, with a set of policies and tactics taken straight from 1992. We've seen this movie before, and we didn't like it the first time. Why would we want to watch it again?

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detroitmechworks's picture

[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYMD_W_r3Fg]

Funny thing. Was watching the Secret Policeman's Ball with the kids. From the 70's. You know western countries actually used to give a shit about torture and political suppression around the world?

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

They don't even realize they're not. Another ironic parallel between the two major parties' followers.

[video:https://youtu.be/e7qQ6_RV4VQ]

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I have a sneaking suspicion that they don't have any illusions about that and simply have contempt for the 'little people' they try to convince of the PR line that they're 'the good guys'.

'Look, see, social bone! You wouldn't get that from the other guys. Now chew that quietly while we work against your interests for our big paymasters/lucrative job providers - and STFU.'

Edit by the Typo Queen.

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

It's hard to believe that it's never occurred to them that they are not the good guys. It isn't as though nothing has been written or said on the subject. It's not as though they can't see the consequences of their actions or inaction. Besides, we pay them to realize huge things like that. If they don't realize it, it's because they have assiduously avoided realizing it, also known as willful ignorance, so it doesn't matter if they realize it or not.


Fallujah

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Amanda Matthews's picture

like the one below. And what with my crazed family, I learned to politics wasn't for weenies. We've had 'em in all flavors in my family. With me I really started paying attention when my parents were going to split up because my Dad was furious that my Mom's vote for Stephenson cancelled out his vote for Eisenhower. (He didn't leave.) I understood then that politics was a real touchy/important subject with the people who raised me. The one thing ALL those people had in common was the conviction that all politicians were in it for themselves (except Kennedy -with most of them).

People sure have turned into a bunch of crybaby cowards. This is the kind of crap I was treated to when I was a kid.

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I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are. - Bill Hicks

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry. - Frank Zappa

lotlizard's picture

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I never thought of that.

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Oldest Son Of A Sailor's picture

"Berners tried to warn Hillariacs that this time it was different, but they didn't listen. They expect the Boogey Man scam to work again this year."

Sorry to phuckin hear about it!

Jill Not Hill

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"Do you realize the responsibility I carry?
I'm the only person standing between Richard Nixon and the White House."

~John F. Kennedy~
Economic: -9.13, Social: -7.28,
shaharazade's picture

In real life people I know who are not trolls but liberals including many Bernie supporters are doing the Chicken Little dance. Their fear mongering uses all the talking points in this snark essay. The craziest one is the Trump and Putin are in cahoots. A friend the other day was going on and on about how The Mad Bomber was sooo great about helping the children globally. It's like they have literally lost their minds. These are not stupid people. Not trolls, but so called progressives.

They are berating people who are voting their conscience 'You need to forget you conscience it's selfish privilege to not stop Trump." Many are vilifying Jill Stein with the usual she's an anti-vax'er who wants to be a dictator. Do they not read anything but the propaganda pumped out by the establishment media? Interestingly not one of these people reads daily kos and yet they parrot the same words. In a way I feel like my time over there has given me immunity from the hive mind. I really do not want to get into this with them as perhaps this is a temporary case of madness.

It kind of pisses me off that Bernie at the convention poured fuel on the fear fire with his talk of the REAL world.

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vtcc73's picture

how they're also the ones who believed Sadam was Osama's BFF and WMD supplier. Nope, not funny at all.

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"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..."

bondibox's picture

Fight hyperbole with hyperbole.

I tell them that the single most important issue in the 2016 campaign, the one that will have tangible effects on the bulk of Americans, is the TPP.

Obama's cronies wrote the TPP, et al. He's pushing for it. Of course Hillary would sign it. Why else would her platform committee refuse to specifically oppose it? Whenever she says she's against it, it's with her fingers crossed behind her back and an asterisk that says "as it is currently written." Because sure as shit, she'd sign it. I'd bet the farm on it, and any Hillbots who try to convince me otherwise are the ones deserving of the Idealist, childish, etc. labels.

"No, see she was for it, but now she's against it. Well, not against it, exactly, but not in favor of it, or any other agreement that doesn't have ponies and unicorns for everyone."

I bring it all home when I tell them that she doesn't appear to be forthright on the most important issue. They're o.k. with that?

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F the F'n D's

detroitmechworks's picture

Clearly you just Hate Black people.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

bondibox's picture

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F the F'n D's

detroitmechworks's picture

AND you're calling me a pig.

Clearly you think I should be murdered in my sleep, since liberals have famously said "Today's Pig Is Tomorrow's Bacon".

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kharma's picture

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There is nothing which I dread so much as a division of the republic into two great parties.. This...is to be dreaded as the greatest political evil under our Constitution.--John Adams

detroitmechworks's picture

to follow that one up with another troll joke, but I'll just say thank you.

Nothing ruins a joke faster than doing when it's no longer funny.

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kharma's picture

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There is nothing which I dread so much as a division of the republic into two great parties.. This...is to be dreaded as the greatest political evil under our Constitution.--John Adams

Although the less intelligent trolls will make the argument that since most AA's voted for Clinton, if you disagree with her you're racist too.

Simple logic is a troll's worst enemy. Throw some at them and they melt.

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I'm not the one who supported prisons for profit, described people as "super predators," faked a certain accent when addressing black people, compared being a Democratic United States Senator in a Republican majority Congress to being on "the plantation, celebrated Arkansas Confederate Flag Day to kick off Confederacy Month, etc.

Oh, what lack of candor when first we practice to pander.

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shaharazade's picture

it works for workers.

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TheOtherMaven's picture

and "mean" and WAAAAAaaaah!!!!

Blum 3

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There is no justice. There can be no peace.

detroitmechworks's picture

When you've at least trolled for 2-3 months...

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Bisbonian's picture

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"I’m a human being, first and foremost, and as such I’m for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole.” —Malcolm X

detroitmechworks's picture

It is FAR more EFFECTIVE to use it RANDOMLY.

THAT keeps your AUDIENCE off balance, and makes them WONDER why you have chosen to emphasize certain WORDS.

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Bisbonian's picture

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"I’m a human being, first and foremost, and as such I’m for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole.” —Malcolm X

Or a few 1's scattered throughout the exclamation points!!!!!!11!!!1!!!!!1!1!!

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

kharma's picture

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There is nothing which I dread so much as a division of the republic into two great parties.. This...is to be dreaded as the greatest political evil under our Constitution.--John Adams

detroitmechworks's picture

I am always loathe to unleash my venom, because it's pretty nasty sometimes...

Other times, it's a great disinfectant.

Problem is that I'm never sure which will happen.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

How it's perceived depends on whether your audience sees itself as the poker or the pokee. In either case the sharpness of the wit intensifies the experience.

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Citizen Of Earth's picture

I'm grading this post a D- until ALL groups are sufficiently offended. Hahahha.

PS. Thanks to JtC for deleting that GBCW essay that was stinking up the site.

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Donnie The #ShitHole Douchebag. Fake Friend to the Working Class. Real Asshole.

detroitmechworks's picture

Unlike damn dirty Atheists, who actively deny truth because of their narcissism and obsession with making themselves look good by telling others what they should believe.

/snark

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riverlover's picture

And tittered at those afraid agnostics.

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Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.

EdMass's picture

Wherein the commenter disparages the diary, the diarist and calls into the question the quality of analysis and conclusions reached. Finishing off with a self-proclaimed self-acclimation of the commenter’s superior intellect and omniscience.

Soon to follow, a pile on flagging by those that watch the threads for Dead Threaders to drive the commenter into a TO or worse. (BTW, the Dead Thread watchers are a subset of those that watch the Help Desk and feel unsatisfied that they cannot flag Help Deck comments.)

Be back in a week or so after punishment.

Don’t forget to tip your wait staff.

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Prof: Nancy! I’m going to Greece!
Nancy: And swim the English Channel?
Prof: No. No. To ancient Greece where burning Sapho stood beside the wine dark sea. Wa de do da! Nancy, I’ve invented a time machine!

Firesign Theater

Stop the War!

MarilynW's picture

I AM SORRY THAT I DID!

Where I live, politicians and advocates are always blaming and shaming. When we see addicts shooting up in a doorway, we are not to think "isn't there a bylaw against that?" I am, as part of the non-addicted society, to blame for that. When we see people sleeping in doorways, I am, as a person with a home, responsible for that. So I log into C99 and see that here too, there's blaming and shaming. Thank the gods that post is gone.

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To thine own self be true.

Apparently "To My Fellow Berners" was just deleted, along with a lot of intelligent comments. IMHO we ought to be willing to debate the people who call us "ridiculous" for wanting to vote for a President we can trust, or at a bare minimum who doesn't think they are above the law. I'm not afraid to have that discussion.

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"We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."

the poster unpublished it himself. Please don't jump to conclusions.

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vtcc73's picture

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"Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..."

But there were some threats to that effect in comments (that are now gone).

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"We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."

lunachickie's picture

gets posted repeatedly by an obvious attention-seeker, I think it ought to be relieved of its spot on our blog. It should be clear after a few times that the person isn't posting in good faith at all.

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after many replies rebutted it soundly says a great deal about good faith.

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detroitmechworks's picture

when replying to them. Hence why I tend to go with video clips, since they require little effort, and show exactly how much regard I hold the argument in.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

lunachickie's picture

-okay, TRYING *not* to respond directly to the poster--but I would never deny others the right to poop in their already-poop-filled punchbowl. That's almost worse than being ignored--people are commenting all over your shitpost, but nobody is commenting to you.

Some of our best wit grows out of the complete disdain we've cultivated for people like this Wink

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Pricknick's picture

the poster imposter removed it themselves.

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Regardless of the path in life I chose, I realize it's always forward, never straight.

and it is meant to divide us and help the enemy. Voter beware!

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Love is my religion.