This is a top rescue from early 215. I offer this diary in the hope that it would help you conquer your anger. It comes from my own bitterly-fought journey through anger as a PTSD survivor. In 2006 I realized that I was razor-close to losing my family and probably my life, if I did not seek help. I was fortunate to be assigned a wonderful military psychologist. One of his first priorities was to teach me to conquer the anger that was consuming me. He helped me construct a personal anger thermometer, which is a tool in cognitive behavioural therapy. It saved my marriage, preserved my family, and helped me gain a foothold on the climb towards recovery. More below.

Might as well listen to my favourite artist.

Here is my personal anger thermometer

(I hope you can see it: at top, I had to take a screenshot. I hope we can somehow upload graphs and tables we create.)
The anger thermometer has five anger levels.

Each level is broken into three component elements:

- Thoughts
- Physical Sensations, and
- Dominant Emotion
One has to monitor and identify each of these elements as they exist within.

Then, for each level, one has to develop Strategies of Disengaging from Anger.

Anger Level Zero
For me, this consists of verbalizations such as, “This is good!”

As for the physical sensations, I feel alert, I smile naturally, and I breathe steadily and move loosely.

The dominant emotion is calm.

There is obviously only one strategy to follow: enjoy and repeat often.

Anger Level 1

At level one, I begin verbalizing things like, “Why is this happening?” to myself.

Physically, I feel my heart beat, I frown, I experience a sense of puzzlement and being out-of-sorts, and I sense that the “motor” is revving a bit.

The dominant emotion for me is irritation.

This stage is obviously the best at which to stop the rise in anger.

The strategy here is to focus on the breath, as experienced meditators everywhere will confirm.

If I can only recognize stage one within myself, and then focus on breathing steadily and regularly, I am generally able to halt the ratcheting process in its tracks. It is as simple and as hard as that.

Because I want to do the opposite. The fire building in the nostrils looks for fuel and the bad cognitive scripts are kicking in to provide fuel. This in turn ratches up the physiological features, the primary being my breath becoming uncontrollable.

The breath is the wind that anger sails on.

If I can't stop the anger at Level 1, the temperature rises.

Anger Level 2

This is the stage where I self-verbalize the following, “What the f*ck is going on?” (Please insert your own favourite swear words :=)

I experience physical sensations such as my face is flushed, I am easily startled, and I begin to sweat.

The dominant emotion for me is frustration.

The strategy for disengaging at this level is to go do something enjoyable. Simple, eh? Nope.

This is hard for people whose behaviour patterns have become rigid. I have to override my fixation with what is frustrating me and purposefully do something enjoyable. It doesn’t have to be anything major or expensive.

I like the French word divertissement, meaning amusement; it really carries the connotation of something diverting.

Any small divertissement will do: the point is to break away from the well-trodden neural footpaths in the woods of my brain.

Use the word! Say or sing or shout or whisper to yourself, in your best Parisien accent, (pretend you're Kevin Kline :=) "Divertissement!!!"

Anger Level 3

On my personal thermometre, this is where I self-verbalize, “I’m trapped” - rather repetitively.

[Here's a fresh personal example: I had a half-hour anxiety attack yesterday where I lost control right here. I was outside the pharmacy - (I can't go inside pharmacies) - while my Lovie was inside trying to teach ewok pharmacist assistants to do their job right. Ten years ago, I would have gone nuclear on something. But I'm making progress. I had the intestinal fortitude (that's a fancy phrase for balls) to march in up to the nearest, most intelligent person I saw, a young mom - funny how they always look so competent, eh?. I asked her to go to the back, holler for Lovie (by her given name, how'zat for thinking strainght :=) and tell her I'm having a problem outside and then fled, well, as fast a hobbling old vet can.]

I physically sense tense muscles, I talk louder, I clench my fists and jut out my jaw, and feel a sense of boiling.

The dominant emotion for me is exasperation.

The appropriate strategy to disengage myself from this level of anger is called cognitive restructuring.

This is psychobabble for actively resisting by forcing myself to see the situation objectively and place the issues in their proper perspective.

I do this by persistent and persuasive self-talk. Yup. I have gotten used to talk to myself as one would with a wilful child, which is precisely what I become at this level of the anger thermometer. I try to replace the bad scripts of the anxiety-to-anger neural pathways with good scripts about objective reality and Stoic principles. (More about that tomorrow.)

If I manage this painful internal battle and see the situation anew, the system begins to slow down and the sensations and emotions gradually subside to level 2, where I can regain breath control then remember to go do something enjoyable.
If not, well then comes the next stage of anger.

Anger Level 4

At Level 4, I self-verbalize over and over again to myself and anyone in the vicinity, “I am so angry.”

The physical sensations are very unpleasant. I refuse to look at people, I want to lash out and hurt something or someone, and I want to get out.

The dominant emotion for me is being livid.

The strategy for disengagement at this level of anger is to leave the area.

That makes sense: I am not capable of doing anything to improve the situation or myself and need to be excused thank you very much.

It is uncomfortable for me to admit that I have been to this level often and that it has never been justified. Mercifully, I have seldom gone further on the anger thermometer.

For there is another level of anger; the last one is

Anger Level 5

But there be monsters.

CBT is an very practical process of healing. I constructed my personal anger thermometer over a period of some time in conjunction with my wife and family.

I asked them to reflect back to me what they see, and they held up the mirror for me. And mirror, mirror, on the wall, this time Snow White saw the wicked witch.

Thereafter, it is a matter of practice. And as the golfing great Gary Player used to say, "The more I practice, the luckier I get."

My illustrator daughter (have I Dad-bragged about her before :=) drew a thermometre for me and I posted my Anger Thermometre with all of its descriptors on the family command post (the fridge, where else, eh?) and asked them to help me see myself clearly. We debriefed after my many failures and I asked forgiveness and try to learn and do better. I carry a copy of it in my wallet, because I still forget what to do :=)

What to do next:

1. Construct your own anger thermometre with its own levels and content.

2. You need brutally honest self-reflection and you need mirrors of what you are like at each level.

3. Create your own four categories: Thoughts, Physical Sensations, Dominant Emotion, and Strategies of Disengaging.

4. Find someone to whom you would be accountable.

5. Practice, Practice, Practice, Practice. Every, single, day, of, the, rest, of, your, life.

Anger management is some of the hardest work in life. And among the most worthwhile. It will transform your life, if you practice.

Peace be with us, if we would construct our personal anger thermometre. (for a change, I don't need my usual disclaimer. Woah.)

Offered with enduring gratitude and in respectful tribute to Dr. Jean-Bernard Dupuy of Quebec. Blessings be upon him.