[Open Thread] Humor for These Dank Times
While there is often snippets of humor to be found in comments and in some essays, we all too often get bogged down in the day-to-day pouring out of the many problems facing our nation and the world. Most people can only take just so much bad to horrifying news before just throwing their hands up in the air and saying, "Fuck it!"
A Reader's Digest section in days of old (I do not know if the section is still there) was labeled "Laughter is the Best Medicine." There is actually scientific data to back this up. See the article Stress relief from laughter? It's no joke from the Mayo Clinic.
This is the only political joke in this essay. It is included to help people make a smooth transition from pursuing the latest political news to the venue of humor for health. It comes from the comment section of an article on Clinton's honesty and was posted by a person called Lambchopstix:
Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth," he says
"And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.
"I have three questions," he says. "First -- whatever happened in Benghazi?” Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? "And, third -- whatever happened to the missing six-billion-dollars while you were Secretary of State?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will
continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?
A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up. Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is. "Johnny," he says. "And what is your question, Johnny?" she asks.
"I have five questions," he says. "First -- whatever happened in Benghazi? ”Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? ”Third -- whatever happened to the missing six-billion dollars while you were Secretary of State? "Fourth -- why did the recess bell go
off 20 minutes early?" And, fifth -- where's Kenneth?"
Now that politics has been taken care of, clear you mind, take a couple of deep breaths and enjoy the following. These all come from one person who creates 3D models and posts them as freebies at ShareCG. His portfolio can be found here rather than listing each page that contain his product descriptions.
October is National Lawn Shark Awareness Month, so to remind people of the dangers found in tall grass (velocirators, pythons, giant southeast asian nipple crickets, politicians and lawn sharks), I present some more grass…
Before all the hippy folk get too excited, its just regular grass… of the non-smokable variety…
From the product description for Very Large Facility Set:
What did every little girl in 1962 want for Christmas? The Really-Bakes Oven of course! Back before the days of cooking by the heat of a lightbulb- propane ruled! Safe and highly explosive propane! This recreation of Hanz Killar's popular childhood toy comes with many working features and absolutely no guarantee of safety! Working features include Guillotine-like sliding oven door that refuses to come down until little fingers are between it and the steel edges and working box top flaps- so the box can be used as a toy too!
Other features include four pans of various shapes, one Li'l Lizzy Borden stabbing knife made of genuine Spartacus Steel, one Really-Hurts Burn Kit, one box of Cake-Like Mix, a full canister of propane and four random oven color choices!
Moulded in highly durable and flammable Molotov-O-Lite plastic, the Really-Bakes oven will delight children with it sizzling warmth and happy glow! Not recommended for indoor use, but implied it is safe enough for it, the Really-Bakes oven carries a ULI (Underhanded Lawyers International) approval with absolutely no safety features to get in the way of FUN! Relive the fun and pain of those halcyon days of your youth and teach your little girl the value of caution at the same time!This Retro toy is produced using the original tooling made by the Hanz Killar Toy and Munitions Werke GmbH from 1962 to 1979, when it was sold to SiliCorDyne's Toys and Pesticides division.
From product description for RaLF-M171 Reanimated Life Form-Storage Unit:
How many times have you heard your friends complain "My zombies rotted!!"? Well, they will never hear that from you... because you know your zombie will be as fresh as the day it died! SilCorDyne Storage solutions presents the RaLF-M171 Reanimated Life Form Storage Unit.
Now with as much as 15% longer storage time than the M168. The M171 leaves the competition cold and surpasses industry standards by 50%! Stronger welds, longer life Nickel Uranium Hydride batteries, bright LED display and superior MAG-LOC technology keeps the lid on tight! So Durable, it is the only Zombie Pod that carries the approval of DED-EX international for shipping your Zombies anywhere in the world. So keep em' fresh and keep em' longer with the RaLF M171 the only choice in RELIABLE zombie storage!
SilcorDyne Food Groups presents its latest culinary delight... PortlyMan ROADKILL CLASSICS. This Old fashioned favorite is even better than Grandma used to make... and it now contains up to 10% less Mad Possum Syndrome than other leading possum based foods! YEEEEHA! Scape some up taday and git a taste of the road!!
Product description for Raunchy Roach Motel:
Official Redlight/SilCorDyne press release:
Presenting the Raunchy Roach Motel- Redlight's latest innovation in pest control. After years of studying the questionable habits of humans with less than sound judgement, Redlight has translated that information into the Raunchy Roach Motel, Which when used with its other products such as- Cricket Crack House®, Spider Trailer Park® and Waterbug Liquor Store® will encourage pests to live an unhealthy and debaucherous lifestyle which can lead to their eventual destruction.
High quality printing techniques create a product that will fit in with any decor. Both functional and beautiful, it is sure to be conversation piece at your next party, dinner or bridal shower.
Makes a great gift and children love it too!
Raunchy Roach Motel and the entire Delinquent® series are now safer than ever! No more worrying about dangerous explosions like in our older Mouse Meth Lab® models. All units in the series are printed on NoSplode™ a new explosion resistant paper that is so safe, that starting in 2014 The US Army will only use NoSplode™ toilet paper in combat zones! And what Giant Mega Corporation would ever put our brave and dedicated troops in harm's way?
Maybe the other guys, but not SliCorDyne!
There are a lot more, but it is time to begin the transition back.
For that, the following should do it:
A portable specimen case for all your off-world, inter-dimensional and mutant collecting excursions... it also keeps milk fresh up to two weeks longer than traditional refrigeration!
Be safe out there (and laugh!):
Note: Admittedly, my humor can be a bit strange at times, but I hope you found something here to enjoy. Please add you own.