Iam an older single woman, widowed for 6 years

and I am comfortable revealing that I miss discussion/physical touch by men. Sons and sons-in-law do not really count but are helpful.

So, not into the church or bar scene I decided to invest in online dating sites. A disappointing suck of money, yes. I had a very nice lunch with a 93 y/o, we could talk architecture, he could talk WWII. Sigh.

I have been involved in a strange text-messaging situation that made me feel like a call-girl. And one probably money-scam that I called out. I am being hit on again. And am considering whether or not to put exchanges up, I vote nay now.

Unfortunately (because I am testy this AM) I connected on FB to talk back in condescending mode. And he engaged again. I actually wonder whether this entity is a bot, do they do mispleddings?

I generally think poorly of those who do not understand red squigglies. Which is red squigglied.

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Alison Wunderland's picture

Trolls feed on replies. No replies, trolls wither.

Kiss enough frogs though and eventually your prince will arrive. (Keep trying.)

[[[riverlover]]]

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riverlover's picture

which I am not, have never aspired to. So I will not reply to msg with two misspellings. I managed two (fixed) in this reply.

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Alex Ocana's picture

http://www.alternet.org/story/147585/10_of_the_con_artists'_favorite_ways_to_scam_the_elderly

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/46574273/ns/business-your_retirement/t/scams-t...

Suspicious old coot that I am, I just caught one (before the con) with the help of my village people.

Identity Theft

Personal information can be stolen from all of us in a distressingly wide variety of ways: via our mailboxes, wallets, purchases, Internet activities, medical records, and trash and recycling bins. In terms of identification theft, seniors are easy prey, whether it's because they're forgetful, because they're incapacitated, because they're not Internet-savvy, because they're trusting, and/or because their belongings are often within prowling-range of employees, relatives and even strangers. To their horror and often too late, they learn that their names and Social Security Numbers have been used to start credit accounts and facilitate shopping sprees, vacations, educations and addictions. Savvy scammers "can clean out their victims' bank accounts online," Roubicek laments, "although these days the banks are becoming a little more restrictive.

The Classic Con

Meeting seniors anywhere -- at religious institutions, community centers, retirement homes, the beach or the supermarket -- old-fashioned classic con artists envision red bullseyes shimmering on the faces of their prey. "The first thing they do is become your new best friend," Kleinman says. "They ask questions to see where your Achilles heel is: Oh, you're a widow. Oh, you love your grandchildren. Oh, your relatives all live out of state. And you're so lonely that you think: Yeah, I'll talk to this person about my IRA. And I'll listen when he says he needs a loan, or when he says he's with Goldman Sachs and has a good deal for me that will help me fund my grandchildren's education and retire more comfortably. And of course he wouldn't scam me, because he's a member of my church."

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From the Light House.

MsGrin's picture

I feel ya.

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'What we are left with is an agency mandated to ensure transparency and disclosure that is actually working to keep the public in the dark' - Ann M. Ravel, former FEC member

Lonely hearts scammers are really good, be very careful. If you are going to meet in person, there are plenty of sites that will tell you how to do so safely. And if at any time, anyone asks you for money for any reason, it's a scam.

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riverlover's picture

But thanks for the concern. I went from a guard-up widow to a careful person to one that fell into a tragicomedy costing me lots. I have been burned and still standing. And fighting back.

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WindDancer13's picture

I am pretty much in the same boat as you. I had never considered online dating, though, as I rather like my solitary life. As you say though, a physical hug now and again would be nice.

It has crossed my mind once or twice when I have felt the need for human companionship that there are many places even in my small town to engage with other people if I should so desire. There are a senior citizen lunches served in many towns where people get together for example. Going to local political meetings would also be a good place to meet people of like mind. It is more a matter of putting yourself where actual people go (sans bars and churches). For me, I would probably hang out at the library or used book store. = )

Good luck. ((Hugs))

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We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.--Aristotle
If there is no struggle there is no progress.--Frederick Douglass

Smile They will love you forever and they will listen to you and don't boss you around. I'm almost joking!
I took myself out of the game 20 years ago realizing I keep running into the same one again and again,no matter they had different backgrounds,even different cultures and different education levels. Just tired of being taking advantage of,lied to and pushed around a couple of times when I refused to 'play'.
I don't hate men,on the contrary,but I have come to the conclusion there must be something about me that brings out the worst in them. But what do I know...I'm not a psychologist, I don't even play one on tv..Just an old hippie wondering what happened to the nice boys I used to know.
I should get me another dog...:)

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" El pueblo unido jamás será vencido. The people united will never be defeated "

flowerfarmer's picture

I should get me another dog...:)

Good advice for all of us now single old hippie chicks who have traveled alot of crooked pathways with not-quite-the-right-persons.

Hiking groups, bookstores, activity groups all offer a better chance of meeting a non crazy person, altho it certainly is not a guarantee!
I have been single for 15 years after i divorced my alcoholic love of my life husband and it ain't been easy but it has been more peaceful.

My dog hung on to 16 years old until just last year.....a dog who will love you is easier to find than, well, you know.....

Best of luck out there in the trenches from a fellow road warrior.

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"Best of luck..."
Summer is a better time to get out and meet people,but do I really want to get out of my comfort zone. That is the question. I do like my peaceful existence here at my house.
I might foster a dog

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" El pueblo unido jamás será vencido. The people united will never be defeated "

edg's picture

Obviously you have never met my dogs. Smile

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riverlover's picture

I have not yet mastered anything but videos, but here is a link (an hour ago) to my 12lb Cairn terrier, Skya.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=598664856958049&set=a.5726148095...

And edg, we are still negotiating who's the boss!

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edg's picture

I'm not in your audience.

I have a 5 pound male Chihuahua and an 8 pound female. They're half-brother/sister and while I'm pack leader when there's danger around, they certainly have me trained for dispensing treats and delivering petting sessions the rest of the time.

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edg's picture

Gizmo:
gizmo.jpg

Bridget:
bridget.jpg

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riverlover's picture

I guess i have to open my privacy settings on FB. Here goes... OMG, what did i do??

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MarilynW's picture

A 15 lb. Yorkie cross, he thinks he can control the household, checks where everyone is, has to greet guests and watch them. He has to sit beside me no matter what I am doing. He listens intently to all phone conversations. I'm glad he can't read my email.

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Hey riverlover, I found an excellent relationship online (after some awkward not quite right dates). You can winnow out the unlikely matches via email exchange (can't spell? admires George Bush? collects cigars?). Trick is to broadcast your shortcomings, cut down the responses. "I don't like dogs or baseball on TV. I tend to go to bed with a book when it gets dark. Not a party animal. Strawberries make me sneeze. I want someone around who never stopped telling the truth." Etc.
It is tiring but well worth it. Happiness is the best revenge. Don't give up.

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Shahryar's picture

That Ovid, he sure could write.

Briefly, the old couple showed hospitality to the gods, were given a wish. They chose to die at the same time.

I don't think I'd enjoy being without shaz and if I went first who'd tell her what half of 576 is? Who'd tell her how to spell "malfeasance"? I think that might be my greatest fear. We've been together 42 years now (which really means today and most likely tomorrow).

what I'm trying to say is I admire anyone who gets widowed and picks up his/her life again. It's got to be difficult.

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Bollox Ref's picture

Decided to end their lives together several years ago.

She was dying of cancer and he was near blind and going deaf (not good for a musician). He didn't want her to worry about how he was going to be looked after following her death, so they decided to travel to Switzerland and drift off in each others arms.

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Gëzuar!!
from a reasonably stable genius.

GreatLakeSailor's picture

Volunteering at Meals-On-Wheels, Soup Kitchen or Food Pantry puts you in proximity to other kind people that are likely open to developing friendships. From there, who knows....

And I'll just offer this: If you want to really go all-in, in my neck of the woods (Southeastern Wisconsin), it is 8:00AM Tuesday morning at the Northside Piggly Wiggly - that's the day the new coupons come out. It's wall to wall Seniors talkin' and flirtin', most look like they have spent time selecting their outfits. Genuinely, it warms my heart. Smiles, a spark in their eyes. It ain't like they're "tradin' keys" if you know what I mean. The guys and gals just...I dunno...seem to be having a really good time. I wish I could get my 86 yo, widowed for four years Mom over there.

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Compensated Spokes Model for Big Poor & Big Peace.

riverlover's picture

And I think my local Wegmans might be such a spot. Full parking lot, safe place, packed with all ages. And happy employees, being polite and friendly. Also, downside, the sort of mega-grocery where it's easy to drop $100. A nice employee Steve, introduced himself as a retired contractor, making a little extra, ask for me next time you are here. I forgot that. Wink

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Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.

Just kidding! Although I'm in southeastern Wisconsin, and very sorry to be surrounded by right-wingers, I am all the way west in Kenosha County, and were I to follow your suggestion, would have to find my own local hub. But I am with your mother, and with my own mother's thinking in her last years, feeling it is not only too late to seek out romance, it is too traumatic. I don't even want to look in the mirror, much less worry about how I look in someone else's eyes. I have two dogs and (this is embarrassing to say) six cats, none of whom care that I am 76 and have the wrinkles to prove it. I also have no wish to explain to anybody how I came to have so many animals (by volunteering for a rescue organization). And, try as I may, I can't stop the cats from using the litter box right before I have a visitor. So, all in all, it is much more comfortable to just give up and enjoy being free of worry about pleasing someone. I think your mother knows best.

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Barbara Marquardt

GreatLakeSailor's picture

...15th Street & 30th Avenue in Kenosha. (If you ever plan to go, make sure it ain't Wednesday AM the new Pig coupons start each week!)

My Mom says a lot of the same things you said about seeing someone. I respect that and I appreciate it too. Still, she's got a lot of life in her and I think she'd enjoy a platonic/casual man-friend with which to have lunch and shoot the shit. About every six months I suggest a place she might go to find a friend to hang with, but she says no, so I leave it at that. She has cousins and a bunch of ladies at exercise class and she's comfortable with that.

As far as the dogs and cats go, my Mom would love you (I may already!). She volunteered for the ARK (Animal Rehabilitation Kinship) for many years - they have since changed their name and merged with another group but I can not remember the new name. My sister has like 4 to 6 dogs and several cats - all rescues.

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Compensated Spokes Model for Big Poor & Big Peace.

Alphalop's picture

It is a way for people that share similar interests to get together and interact around those interests in a non relationship manner, but what better way to meet someone that you have something in common with than through a shared group activity that puts absolutely no pressure on you to take it any further?

Just a thought. Smile

Meetup.com

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"I used to vote Republican & Democrat, I also used to shit my pants. Eventually I got smart enough to stop doing both things." -Me

It is a great time. I am an expert on food cart dining because I belong to a meet up that meets at various cart pods once or twice a month. I learned chanting, attended history lectures, have gone on 50 or so hikes, and even gone ghost hunting. I would have done none of these things without meet up.

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detroitmechworks's picture

counting the separation, and I hear you.
It's not easy getting out there, especially when my own issues involve severe trust problems and paranoia after dealing with social services with my kids, etc...
(And then there's the single dad thing, which is a WHOLE nother kettle of fish.)
Good luck to you, and I wish you the best.

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I do not pretend I know what I do not know.

riverlover's picture

NOT happens when something happens that I cannot make better by myself. I have several acquaintances who I contract to do stuff like plow the drive (I pay plus give them hunting access, giving me armed guards during hunting season). It's the little things, and the dream little projects that if I had a handy friend with time, skill and money...

But that sounds mercenary. And no sex trade. My line in the sand.

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riverlover's picture

while standing on my dock (my husband and I re-jigged two cribs while he was still alive) has given me release to let go. Of trying to undo bad workmanship and trying to meet building inspector's (reasonable ) demands. We talked of living on the River, he has several cottages and has sols several more and his family has yet more cottages that flip for over an yuuge amount of money.

Mine is not that. I hoped and depleted my savings and then things went downhill. He says "cut bait'. why do I need professionals to confirm my beliefs? I guess we all need that.

I think I feel relieved. My hired gun atty can still go after that man's ass. A very short (in history) affair and death. TBD.

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gulfgal98's picture

But I do know two couples who met through a well known and reputable dating site. One couple has been married for well over ten years and the other for about three years. The first couple was younger but the second couple was not. She was in her upper fifties and he was in his sixties. What I do know is that both couples were very well matched by intellect.

I think the key here is a reputable dating site that does a significant amount of pre-screening. Anyway, I cannot personally vouch for how it happens, but I do know that it can and does work.

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Do I hear the sound of guillotines being constructed?

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." ~ President John F. Kennedy

riverlover's picture

after a 25 year hiatus. She is currently vacationing in the Dordogne, at a charming rental or one of his properties. I do not expect a white knight or Prince Charming, although the charming part is essential.

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Damnit Janet's picture

ever thought of volunteering for something you truly love or are interested in and in doing so you'll meet someone who also is doing something they are passionate about and then you have that thing in common...?

Just an idea. beats the hell out of bars and meat markets. Biggrin

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"Love One Another" ~ George Harrison

After living 10+ years with the love of your life it is taken away. Of course there is a shock. And when you are ready to find another, beware. There are sharks in the waters of the dating pool.

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Never give up. Never surrender.
Vote Green Party: Jill 2*16