Epstein-Barr virus epidemic strikes New York and DC; thousands stricken

This has been a helluva news week. According to Q: The Storm Is Here. And if anybody thinks this Epstein deal is going to blow over--right, but not before the storm knocks over many stalwart denizens.

Now speaking as a physician of sorts (I think we all have experienced sorts), The Centers for Disease Control has not authorized me or anyone to say what I am going to say. And thank you very much. But clinicians at CDC* (* meaning not really official) are saying that first indications of this disease are sometimes extremely subtle, such as repetitively looking over one's shoulder.

Incubation period:

anywhere between today and 1/1/2020

Epidemiology

primarily afflicts establishment democrats, in or out of office. For strictly show purposes, the Dems are allowed to have several (but no too many) Republican friends, but such companionship does not prevent infection.

Symptomatology

very similar to a case of Severe Trump Derangement Syndrome, which we professionals often acronymize* to STDS. STDS also stands for sexually transmitted diseases.

*how do you like this new neologism (which is repetitive)?

Clinical course

higher you are, the harder you fall. Not this time. Vengeance is a prime generator of this disease. Those susceptible are self-important jerks (called clinically ego monstriosus

Sensory disturbances are common. Extreme tunnel vision, progressing into blindness. Auditory hyperselectivity, a disease, which outside of marriage or parenting, is almost inevitable with pols in general but the Dems are, shall we say, gifted? Yes, auditory impairment is present more often than not. Reduced sense of smell, otherwise known as olfaction, is a genetic susceptibility marker. [Look at some streets in SF and/or LA. That selective trait is necessary when dealing with morality of sorts]

Impaired sphincter control consisting of hyperuria (going potty every 20 minutes), or the converse; falling of hair, broken dentition from higher closing force. Interestingly, sweating as a result of STDS can be either increased or decreased.

Rather than bore you, fellow communitarians, it shall be left to you to do further medical research on the topic. But you will be increasingly seeing victims, some of whom suicided, in the news. This will provide you with real evidence tracking the disease activity.

Note: By agreement with the Alligator University School of Medicine, all statements made in this essay no way involves them. Furthermore this essay does not consist of medical advice.

Mr brother, Alphonse requires me to put all kinds of admonitions--you know, like even say the word "medical"--when I discuss anything with a semblance of knowledge, which is infrequent.

Prophylaxis

spatial separation and separate aeration are strongly advised from affected people. But even this may be ineffective due the epidemiological selectivity this viral onslaught presents. In other words: "they were asking for it"

There is no known preventive of contracting Epstein-Barr disorder, unless you are genetically six times removed from Kevin Spacey.

My humble medical office is open by appointment. Any brave soul may private message me to set up a treatment plan should you develop Epstein-Barr disease. Treatment will be rendered discretely. HIPAA of course prohibits me from posting endorsements, so my thousands of satisfied customers patients' comments cannot be displayed.

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Comments

QMS's picture

Should wear germ masks?
So as to not spread this horrid disease.

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Listen to your higher mind.

you can get Epstein-Barr virus from butt kissing. Is this true? Asking for a friend.

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Alligator Ed's picture

@Snode Air kissAir kissAir kissAir kiss

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@Alligator Ed quack. Wink

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dfarrah

underestimated the problem. It seems you have (as everybody does) forgotten to include fly-over country. The provinces are suffering terribly from this disease and are getting no medical attention whatsoever. As usual, I suspect we will just let the plebes suffer. I have noticed a dramatic increase in the severity and the prevalence of symptoms. The worst is the display of hyper-aggression towards those that don't share their same STD{s}. The intolerance is chronic but have episodes that turn into a crisis requiring emergency care. I really think we have a pandemic underway, I would really appreciate it if you would update your information. Thanks in advance.

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@randtntx I totally missed the point of your essay. I must be getting my diseases mixed up. I'm so alarmed by the prevalence of STDS that I see it everywhere I look. You triggered my hyper-agressive intolerant reaction. I think I should go take a nap.

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Anja Geitz's picture

@randtntx
.
But I sure appreciated the unintentional comic relief Smile

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Play me another broken record Joe. Maybe then I'll learn why we pay twice as much for healthcare as everybody else in the world. ~ Not Henry Kissinger

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Centaurea's picture

@on the cusp
n/t

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"Don't go back to sleep ... Don't go back to sleep ... Don't go back to sleep."
~Rumi

"If you want revolution, be it."
~Caitlin Johnstone

@Centaurea A baby step.

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dfarrah