Speaking of Conspiracy Theories and Separation Anxiety...
Ex-president Donald J. Trump slunk out of town carrying the nuclear football, leaving the United States unprotected from nuclear attack for 3 hours while the football was punted back to DC. Meanwhile, The Storm, Trump's heroic mass execution plan for ridding the world of child-eating Liberals, stalled off the Florida coast and was downgraded to Class F (Failure).
Followers of the extremist ideology QAnon saw their hopes once again dashed Wednesday as President Donald Trump left Washington on the final day of his presidency, without any of the climactic scenes of violence and salvation that the sprawling set of conspiracy theories had preached for years would come.
But while some QAnon disciples gave way to doubt, others doubled down on blind belief or strained to see new coded messages in the Inauguration Day's events. Some followers noted that 17 flags - Q being the 17th letter of the alphabet - flew on the stage as Trump delivered a farewell address.
Over thousands of cryptic posts since 2017, Q, QAnon's unidentified online prophet, had promised that Trump was secretly spearheading a spiritual war against an elite cabal of child-eating Satanists who controlled Washington, Hollywood and the world. Believers in these false, rambling theories had counted down the hours waiting for Trump to corral his enemies for military tribunals and mass executions in a show of force they called "the Storm."