Why Am I Doing This to Myself?
I finished the semester yesterday. Did relatively well, all things considered, not that I'll have anything to show for it in the end other than a piece of paper. Maybe having a career is over-rated. Either way, I've lost the ability to give a damn and I'm bored out of my mind.
Why do I keep doing this? Even if I manage to get a job of some sort as a code monkey, it's doubtful I'll be treated any better than the guy flipping burgers for packing peanuts because the bosses want us monkeys to work as though it's always crunch time. Why live like that? I'm even spending the summer working on getting my license just so I can have the privilege of receiving such treatment. Isn't life grand?
So what do I mean by 'it's always crunch time'? Here are just two examples.
[video:https://www.nsfwyoutube.com/watch?v=V_f_qe1-75w]
[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RT14-lyqofA]
It seems to be like this in every industry. It doesn't matter where you go, your boss will go out of their way to make sure you have nothing to live for other than profits above all else. Profit is the only legal obligation businesses have in the US Empire, after all.
Too bad I couldn't go into something that benefits people instead of profits. Oh, wait, the capitalist pigs managed to ruin and propagandize those endeavors too.
So what should I do now? Ideas welcome.
Comments
public sector?
I mentioned my buddy who worked as a computer person for one of FL water management districts. Lower salary but a pension plan. He's currently enjoying his retirement.
https://www.sfwmd.gov/careers - noticed they had a couple of computer jobs.
http://www.srwmd.state.fl.us/251/Careers
Perhaps an environmental organization of some type....they need modelers.
Wish you the best finding a fulfilling job. They usually pay less, but are better on your mental health.
“Until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.”
I second this
It's not the greatest but longevity counts and the exploitation factor is in check.
I don't know that there is any opportunity left.
Public sector has been pretty much destroyed. You might try looking for jobs with your county or city government. Teaching sucks. My guess is you could be a sub. Not a lot of money, would be dead end without a teaching certificate, but I understand that they are desperate for subs. If you keep going to school, what about nursing? I think they still have 2 year LPN programs at community colleges. Not knowing/remembering your age, interests, and work history, it is hard for me to know what to suggest.
The problem with the larbor market is the employers. They all want Einstein for minimum wage and are totally unwilling to train or invest in anyone regardless of occupation.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
You're exactly right
The key issue is that we didn't implement barriers to entry. Doctors paid off politicians to make it crime to practice medicine without a license. Someone on your big construction project has to be a certified professional engineer.
The barrier to entry for programming used to be experience with hardware, or as I used to say "I've been in the same building with a COMPUTER". It was so expensive, and so rare, that there was always a shortage of people.
Then along came the personal computer and screwed everything up. Eight year old kids can write code. We didn't organize (I said for years that we should have a union, people were always shocked). We didn't pay off the politicians. There are no barriers to entry. Don't want to work 100 hours per week for 30 hours pay? We've got 200 resumes for people who want your job. We'll ship the jobs overseas where people will work for $10 per day. We'll bring in foreign workers on special visas because of the "shortage" of trained workers.
Blizzard isn't paying their new hires enough to even live 4 to a one bedroom apartment, they have to sleep in their vans in the parking lot.
Want to go out on your own? You need capital, and the capitalists keep everything. You've got a 5 or 10% chance to hit the big time at a start up, otherwise you would have been better off being a plumber.
Writing code is one of the great joys of life. But the jobs are increasingly a nightmare. A shining example of everything that's wrong with capitalism.
"The greatest shortcoming of the human race is our inability to understand the exponential function." -- Albert Bartlett
"A species that is hurtling toward extinction has no business promoting slow incremental change." -- Caitlin Johnstone
the best code in life is free
It's gotten to the point where coders would rather give their efforts to the world for free in the form of Free Open Source Software (FOSS) than sell those same efforts to the capitalists under the ghastly conditions the capitalists impose.
And that software is now surpassing for-profit software in many ways.
"US govt/military = bad. Russian govt/military = bad. Any politician wanting power = bad. Anyone wielding power = bad." --Shahryar
"All power corrupts absolutely!" -- thanatokephaloides
At the risk of sounding like Pollyanna
I've always eschewed the statistics when the statistics tell me I have a rats ass chance in achieving what I am about to pursue. I suspect you know what I'm talking about when I say you make our own good fortune. Perhaps the question of why are you doing this should be less about the gray cloud scenarios you've understandably created in your mind, and more about what value you can create in your life moving forward in this direction?
Since none of know for certain what the future holds, then doesn't it stand to reason that you have just as much of a chance of creating an opportunity out of this that can bring you satisfaction then you have of not?
Be well Aspie, and give yourself a pat on the back for accomplishing the completion of your semester. School is hard work and you deserve a little recognition for your efforts! So, bravo!
There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier
No one means to make light of your determination
and positive mindset or the value they bring to life and success in general. When push comes to shove however, you can't have winners without losers. Statistics show that there are many more losers than winners, particularly in a capitalist system run amok. Everyone cannot win the 500 million dollar lottery. If lucky, most win $5 on a scratch off. Most end up poorer by the price of the ticket.
Inferring that success is will over matter, which I am sure is not your intent, is blaming the losers for the situations they find themselves in. True, poor choices and bad attitudes deserve some of the blame, but life isn't fair. If it was, bankers, Cheney, Obama, and Trump would all be in jail.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
That's true as far as it goes
But defining winners and losers can often lie in the eye of the beholder. On paper, most would say I am a "loser". I used to earn 3x what I am earning now, yet the quality of my life exceeds what it used to. Loser vs Winners. An austere paradigm I think for the organic nature of life.
Having said that, I do appreciate how difficult it is to give advice to others from your own personal viewpoint, and I usually don't. But since Aspie used to practice the same Buddhism I practice, I made an exception. Ultimately though, which direction any of us decide to pursue is a journey that can have benefits regardless of the outcome.
Appreciate your wisdom, Dkmich. It is a challenging market out here, I won't deny it.
There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier
Eye of the beholder is the exception that proves the rule.
Not everyone can afford an avocation or living a dream that is enriching but not lucrative. There was a commercial on the radio. Some young boy griping because his dad wants him to get a job, and he wants to go to art school and be an artist. He is complaining that his dad won't pay for his art school and expects him too. His words, "How am I suppose to afford this? duh, everyone knows artists don't make any money".
For 37 years, I administered state and federally funded job training programs for the State of Michigan and Oakland County. I delivered services to people filing for unemployment, looking for jobs, administering trade benefits and training to dislocated workers, and job placement and training programs for low income youths and adults. In 37 years, I've talked to a lot of unemployed people. I witnessed the devastation to families and job seekers job loss brings, and I've witnessed the frustration of job seekers that are eager to be hired and trained but never given a chance because employers only take and never give. They're not a charity you know!
When the crash hit in 2008, we were overwhelmed with laid-off people with PhDs, engineers, etc. from Chrysler and other companies collapsing under the weight of the crash. We also ran the programs that forced welfare people to work in order to get aid. Let me tell you when you're up to your ass in alligators, it is pretty damn hard to make good short term decisions let alone long term.
I am particularly sensitive to "the best things in life are free" philosophy because it is way too glib and very handy bull shit for the rich to feed the poor. Opiates for the poor. Studies show that stress is the #1 killer, and money is the #1 stressor.
I know you would never do or say any of the things I caution or speak against. The glass half full is good and sage advice, but sometimes facing the reality of a glass half empty is much more important to one's success in the bigger scheme of life.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
Mad respect
For the work you have done. Yes, I agree, the job market is not geared for the benefit of the 99%. And yes, we must face the challenges in front of us with a practical eye. But a good deal of the flow that oils the machine is in how we frame our chances to achieve what we set our minds to achieve. When people are anxious and fearful the part of their mind that fosters creativity and problem solving shuts down. It's human and I am the last person to place blame for anyone's circumstances. I'm just suggesting that opening up our minds to possibilities, within a practical frame work, can help us identify solutions. Yes, sometimes that's too tall an order. I've been there and I've burned quite a few bridges in the process. We do the best we can in any given situation. Sometimes we are able to open up more, and sometimes we are not.
There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier
the best things in life are free
And opiates bode well to outstrip all as the #1 killer. What the MSM won't tell you is that the "glib and very handy bull shit for the rich to feed the poor" kind of opiates kill more than heroin and its chemical ilk (i.e., literal opiates) do.
And I don't mean to deprecate your sensitivity to the "the best things in life are free" meme. As Anja points out, that philosophy has a rightful place; as you point out, there are definite places where some cruel arch-dicks abuse that sweet idea to drain the working classes of hope! But when I point out that the best code in life is free, I'm talking about the world's coders actually wreaking revenge for their situation and ours as well. As there's far less "crunch" in the Free and Open Software (FOSS) world than in the profit world, the software ends up with much better Quality all around. And it's free. There's almost nothing left that a computer can do that can't be done with FOSS. That hits the Big Software branch of Global Capital where it hurts. And they have no one to blame but themselves. What perpetual "crunch time" sowed, Big Software now reaps.
(What was that they say about Karma again?)
"US govt/military = bad. Russian govt/military = bad. Any politician wanting power = bad. Anyone wielding power = bad." --Shahryar
"All power corrupts absolutely!" -- thanatokephaloides
I don't think that was Anja's point.
Ajna wasn't spouting the rightwing meme that unsuccessful people are guilty of their own lack of success. Anja was saying that having a positive attitude makes a big difference in life and in employment.
Nobody wants to hire a whiner constantly moaning that the world is out to get them. Nobody want a "Debbie Downer" in the next cubicle. Anja's point, and I wholeheartedly agree, is that having a good attitude helps people overcome their circumstances and succeed despite the negative factors arrayed against them.
I know, and I said that in my comment.
Anja is such a positive person. She is so refreshing to be around.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
Yes, you did. But...
I felt it was too soft and buried deep in your comment. I've read many of Aspie's essays and my sense is that he's his own worst enemy. I considered hiring him for my company at one time but the challenge is more than I can take on. I've offered advice based on my experiences in programming, writing, and consulting, but it feels like he'd rather complain than do.
I know that not everyone can do what I did. I grew up in public housing in Detroit, the only one of four boys in my family that's never been in prison and the only one that finished high school, two of my brothers were dead at age 20 (one murder and one suicide), but I managed to survive and thrive. But I wouldn't have survived and thrived if I'd let my circumstances define and control me.
I won't comment on Aspie personally. Walk a mile in my shoes...
I am sorry about your experience growing up. Overcoming tragedy is something to be proud of. You should feel very good about how you chose to deal with very hard times.
To you and Anja let me repeat. I am not saying that attitude isn't important. It is. Very. One of my favorite memes is "Be careful of your thoughts, they will become your words. Be careful of words, they will become your behavior, your behaviors will become your habits, and your habits will become your destiny."
None of which is to say that one shouldn't recognize things for what they are, call a spade a spade, and accept and rise above it in spite of it. But please, no accompanying bull shit. "Gee, aren't you lucky you only lost your hand instead of your arm or your head."
Again, not saying that was your intent or Anja's.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
Great quote
Stealing it!
There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier
If you don't mind my saying so
That is a very powerful personal story. And one that I'd be very interested to read. Particularly what stories (i.e., the thoughts about the world and your place in it) you told yourself as a child to motivate you and provide you with the confidence to prevail over your circumstances. Because those stories, in large part, I believe are what helped save you.
There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier
Glad you appreciated it. I shared it with daughter & grandkids.
It officially goes:
Be careful of your thoughts, they will become your words.
Be careful of your words, they will become your deeds.
Be careful of your deeds, they will become your habits.
Be careful of your habits, they will become your destiny.
Truer words and all that.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
Second, Anja's sentiments! Wonderful quote, DK, and,
a powerful and instructive personal story, Edg. Hope you choose to share more details with us, some day. It would serve as a wonderful, and inspiring example to us all, I'm sure.
Having said that, my observation is that some adults/elders are teaching despair to their children and/or grandchildren, which is such a toxic notion/emotion, and totally self-defeating.
(To be clear, this is not a statement that is intended to point at any C99 poster or reader. Only an opinion.)
It's also so different from my own parent's life's instruction(s) to my Brother and myself. In fairness, maybe it was because they were of the Interbellum Generation, and therefore, as young people (ages 17 & 24 when the Great Depression began) endured the most harsh economic adversity/conditions/reality in our nation's history, that they learned to find the strength to tackle obstacles with positive energy, maintaining the ability to never lose hope.
[The Generation born between 1901 and 1913.]
Bottom line, although I've definitely felt fear, I've never felt total despair--or, had the feeling that everything is hopeless, that what I do doesn't matter, or, that I can't possibly affect my own outcome(s). For that, I thank them every day.
They also shared the following 'saying,' which I've always found comforting--
Explanation: Courageous acts do not entail absence of fear. Fear is a factor in the deed; but the true spirit of belief in a righteous cause translate fear into courage and emboldens us to face the trials of life.
(I hope that a 'saying' which invokes prayer is not offensive to readers. I fully understand that not everyone would agree with its usefulness.)
BTW, would like to hear more about DK's work/profession. Seems to me that it would take a special kind of person to deal with it--so, kudos!
Anja, I already knew you had immense talent. Now, I know you've got the attitude to succeed in your new venture. My very best to you! I hope you join Twitter, too, so that I can follow you.
Gotta run the Pup out. Thanks for the thought-provoking convo, Everyone.
Namaste . . .
[Edited: Corrected punctuation.]
Mollie
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive.
~~Gilda Radner, Comedienne
Everyone thinks they have the best dog, and none of them are wrong.
Maybe I'm just sick and tired of the goal posts shifting
any time I actually DO something.
"Oh, you got degrees? And did both paid and volunteer stuff during multiple summers? Sorry, kiddo, that still ain't good enough. Ya gotta go back to the classroom. Again. Oh, and get a drivers' license, too. Where do you think you are, Europe?"
Feel free to call it letting circumstances rule me if you want, but you didn't have to spend your younger years in a hyper-competitive environment where folks with disabilities are forced out in any way the pigs can dream up.
Modern education is little more than toeing the line for the capitalist pigs.
Guerrilla Liberalism won't liberate the US or the world from the iron fist of capital.
True enough.
I've been blessed to not have a disability. I did have some rough times, though. Robbed at knife-point when I was in kindergarten. In gang fights. I've been shot at. Lost two brothers. Dad was a vicious, brutal asshole. Thankfully, though, my health was good most of my life. I don't pretend to understand you or what you've gone through. I'm just saying don't let the bastards get you down.
That is a lot to go through.
Drugs were a common sight for me growing up. If there was one thing both parents liked to do, it was drink. Alcoholism, Hep C and Cirrhosis eventually caught up with my dad and he bought the farm when I was 12. He was also an abuser, and not just to me or my siblings, but my mother also. And he wasn't the last. Adding a kid with hemiplegia/ASD on top of it all probably did no one any favors.
I was the only one to formally graduate high school, if only just, and I didn't finish my degrees until a bit later in life. My sister actually managed to get a bachelor's in a similar field to mine not long ago. I doubt I can reach that level but I'll try anyway, if only to prove people wrong.
Modern education is little more than toeing the line for the capitalist pigs.
Guerrilla Liberalism won't liberate the US or the world from the iron fist of capital.
Hang in there. You can do it.
My father wasn't an addict or alcoholic, he was just an angry SOB that took life out on his kids. I'm the only one of the four boys that didn't get addicted to booze or drugs. Luck of the draw that I made it through.
What about cyber?
I don't fully recall your experience, but would any of it be applicable? Seems there is, and always will be, a need for more white hats. I'd think almost any company these days needs security experts - though I have no clue if they're willing to pay a competitive salary for them.
Not Sure
Not sure about your situation really (haven't had much time to pay attention), but if you're a code monkey, ever have any ideas of going it alone and producing product yourself? Very tough, I know--but if you can make some interesting products (whatever area you're coding in), you could gain some recognition.
That's along the lines of what I was thinking
There's one game that comes to mind - Stardew Valley.
I also saw another game last night that was made by just one person; although I can't remember what it was at the moment.
I find that games like that (made by one person) and games made by small indie companies are better about fixing bugs, improving gameplay, and adding more (mostly free) content. Whereas big companies will run a game loaded with bugs for years and will even end the game while it's still loaded with bugs and never fix anything else (EA comes to mind). Probably because big companies are more concerned about stock holder profits and smaller companies are more concerned about making players happy.
Specifically regarding games
I'm starting to think that publicly held publishers are a bad idea. Games are an art form, and art in service to money is loaded with compromises. Yet people need to get paid, so what you are looking for is money in service to art.
I'm wondering if there would be a way for privately held studios to form co-op publishers. Basically pooling their development money and marketing collectively. Gradually allowing new studios to join the co-op as they prove themselves (perhaps themselves funded via Kickstarter). At all times the games come first, and you make enough money to pay the bills.
I've never heard of a co-op publisher, so maybe it wouldn't work. Or maybe it's just that nobody has tried it yet.
"The greatest shortcoming of the human race is our inability to understand the exponential function." -- Albert Bartlett
"A species that is hurtling toward extinction has no business promoting slow incremental change." -- Caitlin Johnstone