A Public Apology to Marilyn
Yesterday, in a front-paged essay here, I specifically called out a member of this community, MarilynW, to make a point about the fear and anger that is being sown in the media regarding the President-elect, Donald Trump, and specifically the recent release of the material referred to as the Trump Dossier. That was wrong, and I hereby publicly apologize to Marilyn. Marilyn, I deeply regret what I did to you. But offering a simple "I'm sorry" is not enough. So, specifically, here is what I did that was wrong and requires this apology.
1. I re-posted Marilyn's comment from another essay.
I believed at the time I posted my essay that re-posting Marilyn's comment was justified in order to give context to my argument.
It wasn't. I could have made the same points without referring to her at all. There was no need to use Marilyn publicly to make my argument. All that did was call attention to her, negative attention, that was unwarranted.
2. I referred to Marylin not only by her c99 name, but also by her Daily Kos name.
That was an even greater wrong. Daily Kos or TOP is a hot button trigger for the people here for reasons that need no explanation. Many of us were banned there or suffered ruthless attacks on our characters from individuals who post to the front page and/or whose "stories" made the rec list, thanks to Markos' Ides of March decree.
By referring to Marilyn by her TOP name, I tarred her with all the negative association that people here have toward that site and its owner. Associating Marilyn and her views with TOP in that manner was a trigger that was not necessary and caused her emotional harm. I was shaming her in front of the entire community. Again, wrong and unnecessary.
3. I abused my privilege to post to the front page of c99 to call out Marilyn.
Marilyn and I do not stand on equal footing. I was entrusted with the right to post to the front page. To my knowledge Marilyn does not have that right.
In addition, deservedly or not, there are a number of people here who respect and enjoy reading what I write. Many who have stated so to me in private and public communications. These people trust me to do the right thing. They think highly of me. I am privileged that this is the case.
Marilyn does not enjoy that same level of privilege here that I do. I stand in a position to wield influence with this community that Marilyn does not. By shaming her publicly in my essay, by associating her with TOP, by posting about her on the front page, I took advantage of that position of trust and privilege. It's one thing to call out a person who stands in a superior position to oneself, whether official or not. It's quite another to use one's position or privilege or whatever name you choose to call it, to cause harm to a person who does not possess those same privileges or advantages that you do.
Whatever justifications I could make, or did make yesterday, for calling out Marilyn in my essay do not hold water, at least not to me after some time for sober reflection on my actions.
I convinced myself yesterday that selectively using Marilyn's own words, and calling her out in my essay, was justified, and that my actions were right and that those who criticized me for them were wrong. Well, no one ever thinks they are the bad guy, but yesterday I was that guy. To everyone who reached out to tell me I had crossed a line, thank you. You were right and I was wrong. Cold comfort, I know.
I fully recognize that I cannot take back what was done, nor compensate Marilyn for my wrongful actions. All I can do is make this apology. I'm sorry Marilyn for all the distress I caused you.
Let me be clear. No one demanded or ordered me to make this apology. I'm not being censored by the site or punished (other than by my own conscience). I am not the victim here, Marilyn is. I came to the conclusion it was necessary to apologize to her publicly at c99 on my own, just as I made the decision to wrongfully call her out in my essay yesterday on my own.
In the wee hours of the morning, it came to me that I do not want to be a person who is unwilling to admit when he has acted badly. I do not want to be a person who evades accountability for what I do, or blame others, or double-down on my mistakes, out of vanity or a misplaced sense of self-righteousness. Failing to take responsibility for my actions, or to offer a nopology, which I could have done, is anathema to the person I am trying to become.
In short, I do not want to emulate those people who refuse to acknowledge they ever make mistakes and misjudgments, and thereby cause harm to others as a result of their errors and moral failings.
One last time, Marilyn I am sorry for what I did yesterday to you. You do not need to respond to me, or accept this apology. Nor am I asking for forgiveness. But a public acknowledgment of my regret and remorse for what I did is necessary, not only for me, but for the community at large.
I would also ask that no one use this post as a forum to argue the merits of my decision to apologize, or express negative attitudes toward anyone here. We are living through tumultuous and dangerous times, and we all have reason to fear what is coming down the pike. Let's not add to that anxiety by attacking the integrity of others or impugning their character merely as a result of what they post online. It serves no purpose, other than to profit the interests of those who wish to exploit us and turn us against one another.
Wishing you all the best,
Steve
Comments
Anyone of us is capable of painting it black.
But being able to reflect on our deeds is what make us worthy. For we are thru a glass darkly and in dangerous times. Thanxs
Retractions
are generally posted on page 27 D of the paper. Right between the weight loss and hemorrhoid cream ads. You went above.
There is no such thing as TMI. It can always be held in reserve for extortion.
Thank you Steven D
for being willing to admit you were wrong. I hope that you and Marilyn can regain whatever trust was lost between the two of you. It is easy for any one of us to make an emotional error in judgment in these very tough and uncertain times. It takes a big person to publicly own up to one's own errors.
Do I hear the sound of guillotines being constructed?
“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable." ~ President John F. Kennedy
I don't know Marilyn personally
I sent her a private message with my apology, as well, but after yesterday, I would understand if she wants to have nothing further to do with me.
"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott
Will the mode of political speech be lost?
I have read Marilyn's comments for years at The Evening Blues and appreciate her thoughtful insights.
Steven D has done excellent work
What is the nature of political speech?
Is it a circle rather than a straight line of information transfer? Is it incredibly essential, but hated and derided by everyone? Is it the ultimate example of lying and corruption? Is it the means for the powerful to continue to run the game??
On a personal level, along with my inattentiveness and the election, I have had major problems with my wife of almost 50 years. So I sympathize with the flap between Steven and Marilyn.
Just this morning I was reading more of Bruno Latour's thoughts about politics, issues that I have been struggling with for 50 years, but I didn't bring them up to my wife. I was excited but until I fulfill another obligation, I am banned from bringing up his name. And the other obligations that she is holding me to are legitimate -- I did drop the ball.
Keep me in your concerns today.
The election has been traumatic. Friends of hers, reasonable people, fear nuclear war.
So here I was reading Bruno Latour and finally getting a handle on politics at a new level.
He as accomplished for me, the impossible. How to make sense of politics. But he has done it in the context of 15 Modes of Existence. These include some that have institutional support like Science, Religion, Politics, and Law, and the bastard child The Economy, but others that allow insights into the modern frame that we have been in for the last 300 to 400 years.
I always have to apologize to give a taste and not provide a well thought out introduction to his work here. I am trying to figure out paths to his work -- art, religion, politics, law, science...
I got into him through the young philosopher Graham Harman. Graham thinks that Bruno's 1991 book, "We Have Never been Modern" is the most important philosophy book since WWII. Bruno's early work was in Science Studies and one of the founders of the social theory of Actor Network Theory. In secret for 25 years he developed an different philosophy which Graham Harman has noted is the only philosopher in history to simultaneously develop two philosophical positions. My education was in math and I taught and worked in technology so this whole enterprise is a real stretch for me. Bruno's new book is An Inquiry Into The Modes of Existence.
Here is a 2002 paper before he announced his second philophy but Politics is one of the 15 modes in that.
This is an An Abstract.
Here are the first 2 paragraphs
What if we Talked Politics a Little?What if we Talked Politics a Little?
Right now as I write this an extreme family emergency involving my adult children has come up. I have to get ready to face whatever happens and it might be really bad.
EBer here too
The EBers were/are my cyber-friends. C99 was started with the exodus of the EBers from the orange cesspool. When I saw the diary, I had an instant visceral response and fired off comment #1. It was less than articulate and snowballed. In general, I avoid conflict. Like Don, I am struggling with a sick spouse and was already in a foul mood. I am sorry for the consternation and conflict catalyzed by my comment. I saw a friend in need of a hand and rushed to her defense. It is important to acknowledge that our differences are not with one another, but with the puppet masters of humanity. Have a good Davos week.
The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche -
I'm sorry to hear about your spouse Tim
I wish her and you well.
"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott
Thanks for the reminder of Davos.
Oligarchic plans for them to control the world.
May it be possible for us at c99 to recognize bad days for some contributors. We all carry baggage, maybe more for the older ones here.
Many of us from the flee from TOP have been here close to a year, and mostly have been semi-good at communication our thoughts and on occasion, agree to disagree. No flame wars. I now consider c99 as my adult friend group. Not offspring-related.
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
That sounds quite lyrical and musical ...
Thank you for your loyalty.
I didn't see anything wrong with your post
but then I've been banned from five or six sites for speaking my mind, so I am not as comfortable with any attempts at censorship as expressed here yesterday.
We do live in dangerous times
I accept your apology. Your posts didn't upset me, they surprised me. I made one comment that didn't quite fit in the general narrative of the site or your way of thinking and got an overwhelming reaction from you. It was what you inspired with your posts that was hard to take, the comment from Pluto for example. It was a creepy comment that was voted up by quite a few people here. The whole idea of a pile-on is not in the C-99 culture. I hope it won't happen to anyone else.
As for the Front Page, JtC can promote anyone's essays to the Front Page as he often did in the past with my Green diaries. The Front Page privilege is not as exclusive as you make out. I agree that it shouldn't be used to call-out people. Why do we need to call out people, when we can contact them privately?
For the record and to correct the implications made yesterday, I am a Canadian Green, I am NOT a Democrat or Hillary supporter. I would have voted for Bernie if I could though. It's heartbreaking that he was prevented from becoming a candidate. I know that most people here are heart-broken about that.
There is more to life than US politics and this site originally covered a miriad of topics. I hope we can make room here for more diverse topics in the future.
We live in dangerous times so Steven forget yesterday and carry on with your excellent reporting.
Marilyn
To thine own self be true.
Thank you Marilyn
I appreciate you generosity, and your kind words.
And you are correct, JtC (and perhaps others here?) can promote and does promote essays from the Community Content to the front page, but he gave me the privilege and responsibility of promoting my own work without the need for any prior approval. That is the privilege to which I referred.
Thank you again,
Steve
"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott
Thank you all for your reflections and second thoughts.
This place and all the people here are important to me. I would hate to see anyone take too much to heart reactions and thoughts posted on the internet. We have no way of knowing what someone is experiencing or where their soul is residing when they speak to us. I would hope we would all give each other enough space to speak and misspeak without the ramifications we all so hated at TOP.
"Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich."--Napoleon
I read the last paragraph and decided not to comment.
But, that was a few minutes after Steven D published this article.
I tend to not comment about politics, but when I do I tend to be obtuse, cryptic, sardonic, not just a little bit off putting, and sometimes down right nasty.
[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71SLtJhXlMM]
Jimmy Dore is a super polite gentleman.
I often watch his work thinking that maybe calm discourse will illuminate the way to a solution for the insanity that passes for political analysis. These three newscasters, however, seem to be (I would use the word "retarded" at this point, but that would be so very wrong on so very many levels so I will just shut the fuck up, and go do what I do best · · · ) · · ·
[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krP7rqYKHxs]
Jimmy Dore was certainly more polite than I would've been.
His tact is astounding.
thx. that clip was sooo good to watch, Jimmy Dore was not
afraid to nail and bang the "establishment" journalists on the head. They deserve it, imo.
https://www.euronews.com/live
Needless to say,
it takes 'a big person' to publicly proffer an apology, particularly in a front page essay--thank you, Steven.
Marilyn was one of the folks that I knew from EB, including back at DKos, prior to the formation of this blog. Acclamations regarding her contributions, especially on environmental issues, are most warranted. Perhaps, more importantly, Marilyn is a 'good person.'
Steven is a newer friend, and a most prolific and excellent writer. I have a great deal of admiration for the grace with which he and his family handle so many medical challenges, and, for the deep compassion which is generally reflected in his writings.
Tim, you demonstrated the intensity of your loyalty to a friend, and a deep desire for fairness. I am constantly amazed at your ability to handle the tremendous difficulties that life has brought your way. My best to you and Sweetie.
Thank you, Janis, for your repeated efforts to gently steer folks toward reconciliation. And for posting the beautiful music.
I wish healing and peace to all involved in the previous essay thread.
Namaste.
Mollie
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."--Will Rogers
“I believe in the redemptive powers of a dog’s love. It is in recognition of each dog’s potential to lift the human spirit and therefore– to change society for the better, that I fight to make sure every street dog has its day.”
--Stasha Wong, Secretary, Save Our Street Dogs (SOSD)
The SOSD Fantastic Four
Available For Adoption, Save Our Street Dogs, SOSD
Taro
Everyone thinks they have the best dog, and none of them are wrong.
Simply,
thank you.
oh, and the music was compliments of Bollox Ref
The politics we're all talking about
are not real. We're stuck in a loop which has been carefully constructed by the psycho's who rule the world. Like Marylin I too wonder why the powers that be are going to install/inaugurate this nasty crazy buffoon. Ask me they are so power mad that they actually prefer the chaos, fear and hatred that keeps humans from banding together in solidarity to take them down.
They are facing opposition and resistance globally from ordinary people. There is no political solution using the established systems humans have developed over centuries. All this wasted effort trying to get some relief using the useless broken vehicle's provided by the global killers and pillagers only empowers there sick deadly NWO. Who destroyed our societies?
"The pump don't work
'Cause the vandals took the handles"
Until we the people open our eyes and see that there is no longer any normal parliamentary or political means to restore basic inalienable human and civil rights we're powerless and spinning our wheels. They have us right where they want us. 'Society does not exist' is the guiding principle that these fuckers use to keep humans powerless in their carefully constructed loop. We all face the destruction of human society on every level, the personal, local, state, national and global.
Of course people are afraid but their misplaced fears have stopped them from doing what's necessary to stop this nightmare. When things fall apart we cling to the established order as chaos and change are scarier then the 'worst evil' the owners of the place fling out there to put the fright on us all. Oh may God, Hitler, Genghis Khan and Vlad the Impaler are riding again. Maybe so but this time around they are disguised as transnational savvy business men, with hoards of special forces, spooks and psycho killer major's and generals to enforce and implement their inevitable world as they want it.
People are dying, people are starving, the planet is burning up and yet we place our trust in this globalized twisted version of politics? We need to quit clinging to the system that means us all harm, it's gone daddy gone. Time to start anew. All the academics and political writers, preachers, mad scientists and experts in the universe cannot put this humpty back together again. Society as we know it is also gone. Maybe in the end that's a good thing as it will make people look to themselves to form community. This beast is too big not to fail. I place my faith in people globally to do what's needed to stop this insanity. Fear is an irrational killer and Trump is a symptom not the cause. There are no leaders, no politics, we can turn to to lead us out of here, it's up to us. Think global act local. Our present society is nothing that should be defended.
"Don't follow leaders
Watch the parking meters'
"Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing you
Is just the nature of my game, ooh yeah
Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails just call me Lucifer
I'm in need of some restraint
So if you meet me, have some courtesy
Have some sympathy and some taste
Use all your well learned politics
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, mmm yeah "
Or as these same richie rich, knighted troubadours said 'we all need someone to lean on, so if you want it you can lean on me'.
Weird, but the well handle was the wellspring
of public health. To cut off a contaminated water supply in London. How things resonate! Ping-pong through history.
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
There's so much heart in your posts Shaz
When I see your uid, I always think of art, gardens, warmth, California. I was so glad to see you posting here. So now we confront an abyss of uncertainty like never before. Our only hope is that good people will win the right to survive, in the end.
To thine own self be true.
To err is human...to apologize is perhaps divine
We all make mistakes, mostly unintentionally but sometimes with forethought. Steven, your mistake was clearly unintentional. I am proud that you acknowledge what I hope is a well-understood tenet off this site, even if not often verbalized: No ad hominem attacks against community members. Disagree. Certainly! Analyze logically and support or refute an argument but civilly.
The writings of Bruno LaTour are somewhat obtuse for me despite my philosophy college major. Many writers are well understood by some and not by others. For instance, Kant and Wittgenstein were easy for me to read and comprehend. So this quote from DonMidwest's comment I feel is reflective of the issue at hand:
And how to do politics ethically? Rational discussion while admitting emotional preferences stated openly is the best method in my opinion. Rationality can be in short supply, especially in periods of stress or destabilization. Admittedly from early 2016 up to the present has been particularly irrational and destabilizing. But in order to have politics, we must have clarified discourse, i.e., removing ambiguities. This does not exclude injection of prejudices as long as they are clearly described.
In order to have society, we must have politics. I see c99 as one of those rare places where honest endeavors at this clarity of expression is striven for. Our recent governmental/corporatist model has been anything but. If our business, if such it be called, is to spread the Progressive word, it must be done with same clarity that we exercise here. Ranting here amongst friends is certainly expected, but outside these confines, a more reasoned explanation but be delivered; which is not to say that moral, ethical values cannot also be expressed.
For the sake of civil discussion
Perhaps in the future we can all keep in mind to call out the essay, the words and rebut them, not call out the person who wrote them?
I left TOP and came here for the civil discussion of issues. I was a bit put off by yesterdays post. Calling out the person gets away from talking about the issue. It becomes uncivil in making the person seem attacked.
It's like having a disagreement with someone you like. You have to point out what it is that you are disagreeing about, not call them names. Because sometimes, you have to agree you disagree in order to remain friends.
So, please- Issues. Not the person.
(Wish this could get applied to the Trump talk too! Ugh. "He's so horrible" is silencing the genuine issues that need attention.)
I agree on civility and on discussing Trump
But there seems to be an absence of Trump talk here. And when there is I sense an attitude of "so what? the Democrats are just as bad." I'm for freedom of expression within the limits of civil rights, that means if I want to discuss Trump, it should be okay.
Speaking of freedom of speech:
Ethics Director gets chastised in public for criticizing Trump's failed attempts to avoid business conflicts.
http://www.businessinsider.com/reince-priebus-warns-office-government-et...
To thine own self be true.
Trump and his regime are bad news no matter how it's
painted. I think part of it is the Bernie thing, people feel betrayed by the Dem party, and a Daily Kos thing, Daily Kos is very anti-Trump, anti-republican. I remember meeting some resistance with my anti-Trump talk at one time. I don't feel that now. I personally rant against Trump and his regime quite often.
Rant against Trump all you want, I agree.
ok, AL, I take you literally and rant against Trump all
I want now ...here, this
idiotman doesn't seem to know right from left and constantly uses the wrong hand for the right thing, or the right hand for the wrong thing. I ran into this msm news "piece".Trump Criticizes NATO and Hopes for ‘Good Deals’ With Russia - The New York Times The New York Times - By MICHAEL R. GORDON and NIRAJ CHOKSHI
2 hrs ago
And where do you come from, Mr. President Trump?
Well, all people here are experts in things I have no clue about. But one thing is sure. A future US president who is holding a meeting with people from the German "Newspaper", called BILD ZEITUNG, is as bad as this supposed newspaper is, one of Germany's worst Tabloids, read by millions, but not taken seriously by millions as well. People in Germany know what die BILD ZEiTUNG is all about. A piece of paper to have a look at in the subway between two stops, throwing it away or just to wrap your stinky fishheads/garbage in before you throw it into the trash can. To make sure something is published in BILD ZEITUNG as a President of the US, is a straight forward support for the worst kind of populist right-wing dumbheads of Germany.
To accuse Merkel for her ethics and for standing up for refugees is, no matter where you are coming from, just fucking, mean and totally inappropriate bullshit. Merkel did not make a mistake, Merkel was courageous enough, to act according to her moral compass and standing up for it, no matter what the consequences might be politically for her. She has acted beyond party and partisan politics and if people accuse her for that and she falls over that, then I am proud for her character not risking her moral compass for party politics.
Trump is an ...... pure and simple. He should do his deals with whomever he wants. But you don't "deal" with people's lives and that's what Trump and his banker friends have done all the time.
I am pissed. I can't remember ever to have supported the conservative parties of Germany in the past before I left Germany (early eighties). But just because Merkel is in the CDU doesn't make her standing up for the refugees worse than the darn weak Social Democrats, who weasel around with words making me want to ...
oh whatever, I won't read the news anymore. Just bullshit all over.
Have a Good Morning and Good DAY this Monday. Time zones, I don't like them, make me cranky too.
/end of rant
https://www.euronews.com/live
To go back to the future
I am (me) doing a Hang Ten. And I have never surfed in my life, meaning unlikely for the rest.
Not loving the buildup, but Deep State is firing back IMO. I do not want to be in that crossfire.
Living in the USA could get weird. I have never physically surfed but I may have earthcircles.
Hey! my dear friends or soon-to-be's, JtC could use the donations to keep this site functioning for those of us who can still see the life preserver or flotsam in the water.
My comment on Trump had to do
with the internet in general. I keep coming back to 99% because there's more discussion on issues than people personalities, including Trump.
To my mind, Trump is an issue
It's not so much his person I want to discuss, it's what damage he is capable of as one of the most powerful persons on earth. I don't really care about his idiosyncrasies, his family, his hair, (SNL takes care of that) it's the limits of his power that I care about.
To thine own self be true.
Reply to: MarilynW
He is susceptible pressure from public opinion, but it may be difficult to bring our concerns to his attention.
Oh for gods sake
Yesterday my very best friend called me an a hole and I called her a willfully ignorant propaganda-slurping moron. We will be carpooling to the local Women's March on the 21st. I'll have the slightly spiked thermos of shall we say hot chocolate. She'll have some brownie like energy things. Please, no snowflakes here. Love you always Steven D.
Ditto--Welcome, WiseFerret! ;-D EOM
Everyone thinks they have the best dog, and none of them are wrong.
Ok, leaving aside all the politics...
THAT is simply the way an apology is done, Steven D.
Thanks Kev
I have two adult children, and a loving wife. They could tell you I don't always do apologies well.
But I'm getting better at it, I hope.
Steve
"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott
Thank you Steven, for your sober and genuine reflection.
I’m sure it is deeply appreciated, and I hope that now your reflections feel warmer and less sober. Cheers.
Thank you Janis
Greatly appreciated.
"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott
They do deserve it.
It's a bit of a stretch to even call them "journalists".
native