This piece was posted Elsewhere on Christmas eve. It is not needed here but some of you may be amused by it. People here can appreciate the irony that might be overlooked Elsewhere.

I shared this Elsewhere for people who are having problems dealing with their relatives as a result of the recent election. As some of you know, there has been a lot of pressure on people to disown friends and relatives who did not vote 'correctly'. I have never seen an election cause this much personal unhappiness.

Shortly after this diary went up there was an appalling diary at TOP called "Why Trump voters are not welcome in my house this holiday". It has gotten almost 600 recs and has been shared more than 1500 times on Facebook. I have a horrible suspicion that it has been sent to quite a few Trump voters. What bothers me the most is the theory that people who voted
for third-party candidates or who did not vote are somehow closet Trump voters. Otherwise intelligent people are fervently arguing that 0 = -1. The level of hostility over 'incorrect' voting is frightening.

I hope this phenomenon is not as widespread outside the TOP, but do not really know. We will need to form coalitions across party lines to fight for issues we care about. The gloating, rage, fear and angst are going to make it much harder to fight for worthwhile causes. Some of the rest of you may have better insight about how widespread the demonization has become. It is also not clear to me just how to combat the nastiness.

Anyway, here is my diary:

Uncle Loudmouth who voted for Trump

Almost every extended family has an Uncle Loudmouth. Some unlucky families have more than one. At any family gathering Uncle Loudmouth aggressively shares his unsolicited opinions on politics, other people's children, scientific 'facts' that are entirely wrong, and his view that younger relatives are wasting their time on that graduate degree. The minute he opens his mouth most eyes in the room glaze over; a few 'librul' eyes begin to glow with the light of the impending battle.

There is approximately zero chance of getting Uncle Loudmouth to respect any views other than his own. He has never been know to be swayed by rational arguments, partly because he is not listening. It is always funny to watch him continue his attack even when someone 'librul' agrees with something he just said. "Yes, we do need to try to bring manufacturing jobs back to this country." Uncle Loudmouth keeps yelling that you are wrong, even though he just said the same thing you did.

"Yes" you say, "the people in ISIS are terrible human beings." Uncle Loudmouth bellows that you don't know anything.

"I agree, insurance companies should not be allowed to set premiums too high." Uncle Loudmouth keeps hollering. He will not notice that a family 'librul' just agreed with him until the snickers around the rest of the table cannot be suppressed.

Uncle Loudmouth has always been this way. Older relatives say he was a bully even when he was a teenager. He is not going to change. Since Uncle Loudmouth does not listen to anything anyone else says, there is no reason to try to convince him with facts. It is a waste of breath. Uncle Loudmouth lives in a Limbaughian fact-free zone of Faux reality. He ruins a lot
of holidays for the rest of the family.

When Uncle Loudmouth starts one of his tirades the best strategy is to turn to Aunt Flower and congratulate her on winning the blue ribbon at the flower show for her prize zinnia. Feel free to comment that gardening is a wonderful way to help the environment by beautifying the neighborhood. Complement Aunt Flower on increasing biodiversity by planting her lovely flower border that attracts songbirds and insects. Once she get started Aunt Flower will carry most of the conversation. It is not necessary to comment on the tons of toxic biocides that Uncle Loudmouth uses to drench his lawn. The rest of the family is truly tired of hearing about Uncle Loudmouth's war on crabgrass. They will share Aunt Flower's pleasure in this conversation.

Ignore Uncle Loudmouth without being obvious about it. He hates that.

Admire the baby pictures your cousin Newpop is sharing. It is true that just about all babies smear their first meals all over their faces, but this is the first time your cousin's first child was photographed coated with strained peas. Sympathize with Newpop about the high cost of day care and the difficulty of finding good caregivers. Agree on the importance of fathers in the lives of their children. Say you think employers should be family-friendly, especially Newpop’s employer.

Ignore whatever Uncle Loudmouth is bellowing about now.

Agree with your cousin Caringmom that the frequent testing in the schools is very stressful for children. Ask how her kid did. Either there is no need to use a test to show that the kid is exceptionally bright, or tests don't mean anything when a kid cannot show their high intelligence because they have testing anxiety. Anyway we cannot test the kid's gift for art or music (or whatever). We do need to get art and music back into the schools.

Ignore Uncle Loudmouth until he insists on calling you a 'libtard' for the fifth time. Then smile sweetly and say, "Yes, I am a liberal." Immediately turn to Grandmother Cook and ask for the recipe for her peach pie.

Uncle Loudmouth is never going to be convinced to change his votes. Other voters in the family will conclude that liberals are a lot nicer than conservative bullies like Uncle Loudmouth. Some of them may be swayed by your courtesy into considering some of your political views. Those who already agree with you will be relieved to avoid the usual holiday indigestion. Aunt Flower may not vote for Democrats, but she can decide not to vote for Republican candidates she does not like. Aunt Flower may not want to argue with Uncle Loudmouth about voting, but he cannot follow her into the voting booth to make her vote his way.

If Aunt Flower is not a gardener, maybe she is a volunteer for Meals on Wheels, or she is a volunteer tutor at the literacy center, or she works as a school-crossing guard. If your cousin does not have a new baby, your Great Aunt has pictures of her puppy. Maybe someone in the family is taking art classes or maybe someone has a woodworking hobby. If discussions of politics are likely to turn hostile, the most persuasive argument for progressive views is to show that progressives are nice people who care about the needs and feelings of others.

May your days be merry and bright.

Happy Holidays!
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In response to a question asking why I allowed Uncle Loudmouth to attend holiday gatherings I explained:

Uncle Loudmouth, Sr. lived next door to my grandmother and she loved him even though he thoroughly annoyed her. My family was very close and I lived with my grandmother for a while. The family all liked his wife and we wanted to see my cousins, his children. Uncle Loudmouth in this piece is a composite of my uncle and his oldest son. [My late Uncle would have voted for Trump because -- despite the 2nd Amendment -- Hillary would have taken away his guns.]

My cousin was not such a jerk when he was younger, but he has turned into an even more obnoxious version of his father. My cousin, the Trump voter, has no compunction about trying to bully his daughters, nieces and nephews.

I learned the strategy for dealing with my obnoxious uncle from older members in my family. My generation is trying to pass on the technique to my cousin’s nieces and nephews.