No One Needs Your Lousy Party, or A Modest Proposal for Hillary Clinton

The following is intended as satire, unless a certain someone takes it seriously.

Dear Hillary Clinton:

Perhaps you think a big night out on the town with some of your most fanatical fans will cheer you up after what's been a very bad month for the Rodham-Clinton Clan. However, there must be a better way to spend your ever less valuable time than this pity party you and your running mate, Governor Tim Kaine, are planning on throwing for a few of your nearest, dearest and wealthiest friends:

Democrats Hillary Clinton and Tim Kaine are planning a thank-you party next week for those who donated millions to their presidential campaign.

The party at the Plaza Hotel's Grand Ballroom on Dec. 15 is expected to feature fashion icon Anna Wintour, investor Alan Patricof, hedge fund manager Marc Lasry and more, according to the New York Post's Page Six.

"Hopefully there’s no balconies so nobody can jump," an insider told Page Six.

I know it must be rough, having to celebrate losing an election to Donald Trump, a man's who's literally a walking, talking brand for a Mussolini revival show. Indeed, I can't fathom why anyone would be inclined to attend your gala, even if the the drinks and food do represent a a tax free return on some small portion of the money they burned on the altar of the unrivaled and unparalleled political catastrophe that was your 2016 Presidential campaign.

Ms. Clinton, I have to ask: doesn't this "thanks for all the moola, guys" shindig look a little unseemly for a woman who back in February stood before a "packed house" of people at a Baptist Church in Flint, Michigan in desperate need of help that they hoped you would provide for them in their struggle to receive assistance to mitigate the damage done by their lead-poisoned water system.

Albert Deloney believes Hillary Clinton's visit to Flint today will bring more than a political speech.

"With Mrs. Clinton coming, I think that's going to get us more help," said Deloney, adding he his great-granddaughter has been dealing with a rash on her hand which he said is related to the water issue. [...]

Flint resident Maudie Coley was excited to get the chance to see Clinton, proudly stating "I am a Hillary supporter 100 percent," but she also hopes for some relief in regards to the city's infrastructure.

"I think she could promote funding for the infrastructure. That's what we need. We need more than speeches," she said. ... "Action. That's what we need -- action."

Joann Cooper hopes Clinton's visit will help lead to a permanent fix. She's been using bottled water for everything from washing dishes to bathing at her Flint home.

"The problem needs to be fixed in every home, every pipe," she said. "We need to be able to feel safe when we turn the faucet on to drink, not turn it on thinking we're putting deadly chemicals into our body."

Help that you did promise you would deliver them - in a speech (presumably unpaid). Must seem like such a long time ago, but really it wasn't. And those poor people of Flint are still suffering, still looking for the help they need. They are still waiting for clean water to drink, cook with and bathe in, even as the media has moved on to more significant matters such the latest and greatest Trump outrage regarding his impending assumption of the office that you so doggedly sought and fought for for so many years.

Now I know, you aren't going to be the first female President of these here United States thanks to that despicable FBI Director Comey and those angry ass country folks" who couldn't wrap their head around the importance to them of you being the one to break that biggest of glass ceilings. I know you must be pondering what you're going to do with the rest of your life now that the Oval Office option is finally off the table, but trust me partying like it's 1992 with some of your closest and dearest "friends" seems sort of pointless, don't you agree?

Unless you're still dreaming of resurrecting your family's foundation from its recent run of misfortune regarding its future financial viability. I hate to be the one to tell you, but that ship has sailed never to return.

However, you still matter a great deal to a great many people in this country (and no, I'm not talking about the ones gloating over your inglorious defeat). People who believe in you. People who would follow your lead if you would only point the way, including many of the same people who helped fund your campaign to the tune of $1.3 billion. So let me offer you gratis this suggestion to burnish your tarnished legacy. Make good on those promises you made to the people of Flint, or at least try to do so.

I know, it must seem like a small matter in the great scheme of the many more important things to which you previously were accustomed. It doesn't offer any monetary remuneration for your efforts, whether through honorariums for speeches given to audiences of corporate executives or other services rendered. And perhaps you believe it isn't worthy of your talents or attention after such a devastating blow to your self esteem. But you know, it might just be what the doctor ordered to stave of that serious bout of depression and deep despair in which I suspect you're wading right now.

All you'd need to do would be to put a face on this cause that, sadly, so many in the media forgot once the Michigan primary election ended. You'd revitalize this cause and give it some added juice just by associating yourself with a matter greater than - well, your self. And I bet you could do a dandy job of fundraising and lobbying your pals in Congress. You might even and maybe make an appeal on behalf of the people of Flint to your old friend who appears to be in a little in over his head right now concerning the requirements of his new job.

Furthermore, you wouldn't be in this all by your lonesome. A group of well-trained, dedicated professionals and patriots would have your back, willing to do all the heavy lifting that's required to re-focus the nation's attention on this travesty of injustice and environmental racism. That's right, these folks. You know, our nation's most honored heroes, our military veterans:

Just days after they arrived at the Standing Rock Sioux protest camp to join the activists protesting against the Dakota Access oil pipeline, a group of U.S. military veterans have a new mission, and a new destination—Flint, MI, where the crisis over the city’s contaminated water is still raging.

“We don’t know when we are going to be there but we will be heading to Flint,” Wes Clark Jr., who helped organize the thousands of veterans who flooded into Standing Rock in recent days, told MLive.com. “This problem is all over the county. It’s got to be more than veterans. People have been treated wrong in this county for a long time.”

Why don't you and your swanky "jet set" posse consider making alternative plans this holiday season? Instead of another forgettable evening out with the fancy cocktail shrimp and lobster tail entree crowd, you could do a lot of good for the people of Flint, Michigan, Hillary Clinton, if you truly want to. Well, do you? Do you really? Because you know what they say (they being in this case Joseph Barber Lightfoot):

Try to help others. Consult their weaknesses, relieve their maladies; strive to raise them up, and by so doing you will most effectually raise yourself up also.

Who knows, it might do your physical, mental and spiritual health a great service by doing some good for people so many in our country have written off as even less than deplorable - our own country's version of untouchables. Poor people.

Please give it all due consideration, will you?

Sincerely,

Steven D. Searls a/k/a Steven D

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Comments

Pricknick's picture

Help the commoner?
She ain't no Jimmy Carter.

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Regardless of the path in life I chose, I realize it's always forward, never straight.

SparkyGump's picture

The only habitat $Hillary's going to build is for her own money.

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The real SparkyGump has passed. It was an honor being your human.

sojourns's picture

if they could lend her a hand in building a money vault in her bathroom next to her server.

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"I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones."
John Cage

Hillbilly Dem's picture

the "everyman" Grand Ballroom at The Plaza Hotel. Apparently, the slightly more rococo ballroom at Guastavino's was booked for that day:

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"Just call me Hillbilly Dem(exit)."
-H/T to Wavey Davey

CambridgePulsar1919's picture

They don't drape low enough to conceal the free blowjobs that come between the 2nd and 3rd courses.

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dance you monster's picture

Make good on those promises you made to the people of Flint

She made promises to those millionaire donors first, y'know! It's their turn!

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Shouldn't be all that time-consuming.

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altogether.

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Defenestrate it.

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Defenestration and decrenellation. Then dry up the damned moat and lower the drawbridge!

We don't need no stinkin' exclusive-club political party.

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"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." --Jiddu Krishnamurti

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Anja Geitz's picture

How about we get some freezing cold water cannons instead?

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There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier

tapu dali's picture

... fish she is very small ...?

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There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don't know we don't know.

...Hillary,

thereby reducing attention to Trump's horrific appointees and trial balloons, and,

worse, reminding everybody why a critical mass of voters in key states thought that Trump was the lesser evil.

The "thanks" comes across like a consolation prize, for donors who will not be receiving the favors they thought they were paying for -- except for the ones to pay again, to whatever other politicians can and will make it worth their while.

Diarist's highlighting of the Flint alternative for Hillary is well-chosen. It's one of the few ways that Hillary could quickly regain more status than "VIP for life despite failing biggest tests".

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By Flint residents and their vet allies.

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Anja Geitz's picture

For one of the Plaza wait staff.

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There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier

... for the Wall Street Dems. I imagine Hillary is going to pull out her best impression of Henry V, shouting "Once more unto the Super-PACs, dear friends." The enemy hordes led by General Sanders and Liz d'Arc gather, and the castle of privilege must be defended to the last.

She's probably still trying to recover from last month's events:

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Please help support caucus99percent!

Hawkfish's picture

This doesn't sound very Clintonesque:

By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;

It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.

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We can’t save the world by playing by the rules, because the rules have to be changed.
- Greta Thunberg

Thanks, I badly needed a giggle and wouldn't have thought anything could do that ATM, but this did.

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Anja Geitz's picture

After all, Obama was the better boyfriend, but Trump? That's like your girlfriend leaving you for Brick Tamland in Anchorman.

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There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier

Phoebe Loosinhouse's picture

Of course it won't be cocktail weenies, it will be candied hummingbird tongues and snow leopard kabobs, but still not a good ROI. These folks were looking forward to reliving the good times like pillow fights in the Lincoln bedroom and flights on Air Force One and now they get a "thank you" party?

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" “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR "

orlbucfan's picture

the one tRump will have his Japanese boys build just to spite Boeing? $hrill's hopeless. Let her and the rest of the Fake "Democrats" sink in the swamp and drown. Rec'd!!

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Inner and Outer Space: the Final Frontiers.

what the ratio of invitees to attendees will be.

I bet there are a lot who are too pissed off for words.

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thanatokephaloides's picture

Not a good ROI - some cocktail weenies for millions of dollars?

Sweets for the sweet.......

Wink

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"I say enough! If Israel wants to be the only superpower in the Middle East then they can put their own asses on the line and do it themselves. I want to continue to eat."
-- snoopydawg

kharma's picture

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There is nothing which I dread so much as a division of the republic into two great parties.. This...is to be dreaded as the greatest political evil under our Constitution.--John Adams

Anja Geitz's picture

I can't think of anything more appropriate.

Besides, Flint, Michigan and Standing Rock are just too dang cold and too dang dirty. Let them drink Coke.

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There is always Music amongst the trees in the Garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier

earthling1's picture

Could it be preparation for another run in 2020? More likely, preparing them for a Chelsea run?
Would love to hear what Hillary tells them.

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After six years, still getting robo-calls from Marriot Hotels.
They're like herpes.

Steven D's picture

out of gratitude or the goodness of her heart.

Typically tone deaf Hillary. What worse way to re-enter public life can you imagine than this way?

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"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott

earthling1's picture

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After six years, still getting robo-calls from Marriot Hotels.
They're like herpes.

Seriously, I think the best moments in Hillary's life these days are when she's surrounded by meritorious (by her standard), famous and very rich people telling her she lost because the electorate was not worthy of her. Where would she be if not among her people.

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Steven D's picture

I fully expect an entire chapter on her in your continuing series:
Presidential Elections and Liberals: A Love Story?

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"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott

which election would end the series. That Trump won is still surreal to me. The only way I can cope with that is to think of him as President Elect Not Hillary.

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Dontcha know that Hillary uses the poor as props, to gain sympathy for Her, not them? Before the Michigan debate and primary, Hill dragged Penny Pritzker, of the Chicago Pritzkers, and Chelsea to Flint for a photo-op of caring nothingness. Penny coughed up several $million (never Hill's money) to hire Flint youths to hand out bottled water to Flint's children. A few day's worth. And then, presto-chango, the promises to reduce youth unemployment and clean up Flint's pipes were forgotten (once the camera guys left) and it was on to the next primary. You can't revive a heart where none resides, Steven. Shill's a psychopath.

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Very true - luckily, the other corporate/billionaire sociopath won.

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Psychopathy is not a political position, whether labeled 'conservatism', 'centrism' or 'left'.

A tin labeled 'coffee' may be a can of worms or pathology identified by a lack of empathy/willingness to harm others to achieve personal desires.

Jazzenterprises's picture

I somehow missed this diary... standing-by if you'd like me to delete mine Wink

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Progressive to the bone.

Steven D's picture

Yours is more straight news tempered by justifiable outrage. Mine is dealing with the outrage through satire while also trying to remind people that you know, she exploited the poor people of Flint and yet nothing was done for them. Not even with a Dem trying to continue Obama's legacy.

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"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott

Alligator Ed's picture

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Steven D's picture

that went right over the heads of the deluded neo-libs.

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"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott

musicalhair's picture

It would be funny to hand out tee shirts saying "I gave millions of dollars to buy your way into the white house, and all I got was this lousy tee-shirt, made by children"

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Steven D's picture

or some other Asian country where the labor and environmental laws are non-existent.

Somehow Hillary's base doesn't strike me as the T-shirt crowd, however.

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"You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution."---Tyree Scott

gendjinn's picture

The truly deplorable.

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Phoebe Loosinhouse's picture

the Clinton Foundation or maybe some brand new foundation she and Bill and her advisors have dreamed up like The Stronger Together Foundation or something along those lines. Clinton as a brand name isn't as shiny as it was in the past and now evokes sort of an "Oldsmobile" vibe - the car that your parents drove. Plus, have to keep those financial faucets flowing and find some way to keep themselves relevant.

I only hope that it isn't the big unveiling for the Chelsea run for Congress, but nothing would surprise me.

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" “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR "