Caregiving for a non-compliant is a huge burden, as you discovered? But what will you do if he keeps pushing the limits? I am so sorry, for you both, but especially you. Take it easy, years of caregiving will take more than a few months to bounce back from.

I hope you'll be able to think of many ways to coddle and be kind to yourself. Sending healing thoughts to you and prayers for you.

and it is incredibly difficult to be a caretaker. I'm lucky, though, my Dad is highly motivated to exercise. He almost died in August with a reaction similar to sepsis.

Strength and blessings to you.

Wish I could help. Are there any alternative care establishments that can take Reid? Is he eligible for medicaid or any insurance that will fund professional care? Has he been diagnosed as terminal? If so, Hospice does wonders to relieve caregiver stress.

Who took care of Reid while you were in the hospital?

          when stepping back from the abyss. And, if there is no other about I talk to myself, and, yes, I do answer. Quite interesting conversations, if I do say so myself.

I have two Doctors who kept trying their best to keep me from caregiver burnout.

          This is absolutely none of my business so tell me to "shove it" if you wish as I do not know you nor do you know me. But here goes: You need to find an exit strategy. I am working with my family members to see if we can effect just such a maneuver. But we are (or, as in my case, soon will be) in Oregon and have options that may not be available elsewhere.

where you can no longer take care of Reid. This happens in lots of caretaker situations.

When you're ready to do something about the situation, go to your primary doctor and tell him/her everything. Ask for help in finding some other situation for Reid. Doctors know about resources.

You're killing yourself, girl. You may have to make a decision: Die or turn loose.

Hard decision to make, I know. Good luck and go forth with courage. We are thinking about you.

[[hugs]]

I know I couldn't do it.

Long time ago a friend of mine (who had issues with depression) said . . . "we only have so much collective time and energy. There is only so much time. When you add up your physical energy and your emotional energy, there is a finite limit to it." (paraphrased)

We have been so influenced in our culture by "the sky is the limit" nonsense. Or, "you can do whatever you put your mind to." There is a minuscule bit of truth to will-power, but mostly, those ideas are false. We have real limits. And that's OK.

You are such a gifted artist. And your sacrificial love for your family is amazing. My hope and prayer for you is that the pendulum will swing back in your direction for your healing and strength.

hurts both of you.

It is not uncommon to think our professional training gives us super human powers. We forget most of the time we are practicing our professions we have co-workers, regular shifts, time off with family & friends and policies & procedures to follow. One on one care-giving, such as you are providing is very isolating. No one is watching out for you, you need to make every decision with little to no input and do all the physical activity 24/7.

Reed and yourself are different individuals than the ones who started this journey. His option for living independently disappeared as his physical status became more compromised. It is not uncommon for someone with the difficult to stabilize diabetes, you have described, to have mental changes as time goes by due to both excessive high and low blood sugars. The physical burden of caring for him has changed. Your physical and mental health have changed. It is not unreasonable or unloving to reassess the best options periodically.

The last two rounds of 24/7 care giving I relied on Qi Gong. I could do it at home following a youtube video or attend a class just to be around people. It gave me a little exercise, but the mental help was much more profound. I recommended a Ken Cohen youtube series as an introduction.

Reed received respite care while you were in the hospital at least 2 times now. Are those options available to use periodically? Most doctor's offices are aware of resources available in the community. They tend to save that information until there is no other option. Let then know you are at the end of your rope and see what pops up. Is it possible for a care facility to manage Reed's SSD to separate it from your income?

I have used in-home care, foster homes, assisted living and nursing home for relatives where care-giving required greater physical/mental effort than I could provide. It allowed me to focus my energies to visit regularly, follow-up on any care issues and have quality interaction with my Grandmother and Aunt. They actually improved when I was able to spend quality time with them vs arguing about care issues.

A facility that meets your needs may have a waiting list. If you start the process now, you do not have to take action when a space opens up.

Hopefully things will improve so that you can post photos again.

Cheers.

Are you a smoker?

As you know, I had been through caregiving w my mom for many many years. She had ALZ as you may remember, and became very compliant. That was the easy part. The physical challenges were something else altogether.

You did the right thing w Reid. You cannot care for him if he doesn't keep his part of the bargain. I wonder if part of the depression was your giving in to him for so long and now you are standing your ground and insisting he do his part.. Good for you and just exactly right. Maybe that's letting some light into your life.... a modicum of control and insistence on a cooperative 'team effort'. He's lucky to have to.

Stay strong. You are doing a great job. And congrats on reading him the riot act.
Cyberhugs streaming your way

I agree with the advice given to you to focus on your health and recovery, first. The amazing thing is this is best for your brother as well. He either will or won't/can't start to help himself better. I have sat and listened to so many families tell me that they cannot allow their family member to go to an assisted living facility or nursing home because they promised it would never come to that. We can never know the costs of full time caregiving over the long haul before we actually walk that path. This is a difficult juncture but gather your supports. Maybe his doctors can hook you up with resource to support you. Others asked about Medicaid eligibility. If he is over 65 years of age, would he qualify for services through the local Area Agency on Aging? A caseworker can conduct an assessment. Does he qualify for SSDI? I have seen relationships and the health of both the caregiver and the family member needing care improve once assisted living or nursing home placement has occurred. The quality of your relationship with your brother would shift if you were not the primary one negotiating with him about his daily care. You could focus on engaging in more enjoyable activities and loving each other, perhaps even supporting each other to become as healthy as possible. You need to take care of yourself. Your body has given you the most powerful messages. Please listen. And take care.