[video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpqJ-wWcCU8]

Shorter version:

When I was in my early 20s I was beaten twice while living in a gay neighborhood. Once coming out of a gay bar.

The other time I was beaten unconscious when I was cut off by a van in the same neighborhood and rear ended them. While I looked for my ID they pulled me out of the car and kicked the shit out of me. Saved by a Taxi driver who saw them do it. All three were white Aryan brotherhood types with criminal records for violent crimes. I don't know if they assumed I was gay (I am bisexual) or not, but I was in the hospital for a week because I lost my balance and could not walk. That and a lot of cuts to my face that required stitches.

So I have a understanding about what it is like to have a target on my back.

The three men who beat me unconscious? The one with the worst record got away and the other two blamed him for all my injuries. I was the only witness who had a close look at them but all I could recall was the boots one of them wore. Same boots he wore at the Prelim hearing at which I testified. The two who were arrested got off. No one gave a damn about informing me of that decision by the prosecutor because at the time I was a poor likely faggot in their minds, or so I believe.

The other beating was by some random guy, and I was too scared to tell the police about it (the ones who stood outside the bar) because I was told it would only get me in trouble. This was about 1980 or 81. Not happy memories.

I made a choice to no longer explore my sexual attraction to men. I married a woman I met in Law School, a person I love and care about very much and we have stayed together through 30 years, good and bad and raised two children to adulthood. I repressed the memories of the violence inflicted upon me, but the scars to my psyche never really went away.

When I began blogging at Daily Kos and Booman Tribune, I found myself attracted to stories of people who were victims of violence, whether from war, the police or hate crimes. It wasn't the only subject upon which I focused, but it did amount to a significant number of the stories I posted online, from US military attacks on Iraqi citizens, the use of torture by our government in the "war on terror," police violence against minority communities, especially African Americans, to any hate crime I came across, including those committed against LGBTQ folks and women.

So, when I see a story about violence done to anyone, it acts as a trigger to bring back those memories of when I was a victim of hate and violence. Obviously I did a poor job yesterday of communicating that fact as my principle motivation for writing about my friend's assault. It took reading the comments to my essay here, and at the the links to it I posted at the reddit sites K4S and The Way of the Bern, for me to recognize why this particular incident involving someone I knew personally triggered such a strong response in me. I took a great deal of time last night thinking about my own personal history to understand that my need to tell my friend's story was triggered by the physical violence inflicted upon me by people motivated by hate.

So, that's why I wrote about the attack on my friend, and why I made this video today detailing my own personal history of violence. If you take anything away from this post or my YouTube video, please, make it this:

Don't treat stories about these recent attacks as merely one more instance of "identity politics" that you can dismiss out of hand as not productive to "moving forward" or demonizing Trump voters, etc. Because, when you do that, you dehumanize the pain and suffering of the victims of this violence. And this applies to people who have been attacked for supporting Trump just as much as it apples to my friend, or to the many members of racial and religious minority groups who have come under attack in the wake of Trump's victory over Clinton.

Try to see the people who are being assaulted, abused and harmed in the aftermath of this ugly election season as real human beings like you and me. People who have suffered bodily harm in the wake of this recent post-election wave of violence, or who may have been threatened with physical harm. All of them are likely dealing with mental torment, from anxiety and panic attacks, to depression and feelings of guilt and shame, that very well may stay with them for the rest of their lives. Recognize the reality of their suffering.

That's all I'm asking of you today.

Thank-you.

Steve